CHAPTER ONE
PRESENT DAY
"If they offer me the job, I'm going to take it."
Heavy. That's how Jane's words felt as they dropped like a five-ton weight, crashing through the floor, destroying everything in their path until they hit rock bottom. And when they finally did, the resulting silence was nearly deafening.
She would not give Jane the satisfaction of seeing her completely and utterly destroyed. No. If Jane was going to deliver life-altering news as simply as one would discuss the weather, then she didn't deserve to see the tears coursing down her cheeks, to hear the break in her voice when she asked Jane why she was doing this, to feel Maura's arms wrapped so tightly around her body that nothing and no one would dare try to come between them.
She waited – waited for Jane to say more, to say the only three words that could salvage this moment; 'Come with me.' But the words never came and the silence stretched on. Maura's eyes remained fixed on a point somewhere off in the distance as she drew on every last ounce of strength she could muster. "I see." Her voice was low but clear and blessedly devoid of all of the emotions raging through her. Just breathe, Maura. Keep breathing.
She could feel Jane shift beside her on the couch, closing what little distance had existed between them until a knee bumped against her thigh. "Maura, listen, I know -"
The loud clink of Maura's wine glass hitting the coffee table effectively cut off whatever else Jane was about to say. She was barely hanging on by a thread and staying there, with those large brown eyes gazing upon her with all of the love and adoration Maura had grown accustomed to seeing when she looked at Jane, would quickly crumble the last of her resolve. "I have to go."
"Don't! Don't go," Jane spoke urgently, reaching for Maura's arm. But it was too late, Maura was up and off the couch within seconds. "Stay. Talk to me." Jane's voice was pleading. Maura could hear Jane stand, the air shifting around the living room as Jane approached her from behind. But she kept moving, gathering up her belongings and slipping her shoes on as she moved toward the door.
"Let me go, Jane," she spoke harshly, her voice sharp with warning. She could never hate Jane, but she hated how easily Jane could turn her into an emotional mess.
The door had been pulled open only a crack before it was forced closed again. Jane was right behind her - the warmth from the body surrounding her was equal parts comforting and suffocating. Maura. Her name reached her ear on a warm breath; pleading, broken.
Maura shuddered. The tenuous hold on her emotions was dissolving rapidly. "Please," she choked out, begging Jane to understand what she needed in that moment, "just let me go." Jane's hand dropped away from the door and came to rest over Maura's on the doorknob. Her body instantly stiffened, fearing Jane was going to continue to press her to stay and talk. But the hand covering her own began to move, turning the knob beneath Maura's palm in silent acquiescence. Maura closed her eyes briefly, allowing herself one final moment to feel the weight of Jane's body were her head had come to rest heavily against Maura's back, the warmth of the hand covering her own, and the strength of Jane's emotions as they rippled through the space between them. And then she was gone.