Ways to Get Everything You Don't Want
by tangerines
(1/?)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Chapter One
"I need your help."
He didn't know what caused him to say those words. Maybe it was a desperate cry for... something; maybe not. But whatever is was, Lindsey was sure that it wasn't going to happen again.
"What do you mean?"
He hated that look. Angel was staring at him like he was half-mad and fully worthless.
"I want out."
Lindsey really didn't know what caused him to say those words. Did he want out? Did he really want out of Wolfram and Hart? The benefits and the pay. The unrealistic benefits and the crazy amount of pay; did he really want out?
"You probably think this is some kind of trick."
Lindsey wasn't too sure himself. Was this some kind of trick? No. No, it wasn't.
"Are you afraid of me Lindsey? You think maybe I might kill you?"
Could Angel kill him? Lindsey thought. Yes.
"No," That was obviously a lie.
"I'm smelling a whole lot of fear. Big, stinky, mortal terror. So, no, I don't think this is a trick -- I think it's a big joke."
Who gave Angel the right to judge him?
He hated Angel. He liked being a lawyer. He was afraid of Angel. He was afraid of Wolfram and Hart.
"Hey, I don't want to be here anymore than you want to see me. But I don't have a choice."
He had a choice. He could have stopped caring. But they were kids. He had a weakness when it came to kids. Half a weakness to be truthful. He was pretty sure that they didn't do anything to deserve it, but a lot of his client's victims were innocent too. He didn't care then, why care now? Lindsey was confused about the situation himself but he wanted to help. Help save, not kill.
"You always have a choice. I mean, you sold your soul for a fifth-floor office and a company car."
Yes, it seemed as though he already have made a choice. He chose a fifth-floor office and a company car instead of trying to be somebody that he obviously wasn't now.
"You think you've got me all figured out? You think you know everything about me?"
Angel didn't know anything about him.
"Everything I need to know."
Lindsey tried to explain. Tried to explain about his past.
He was one of six or five or four, all in the same room. He was dirt poor -- no shoes, no toilet, no nothing. He was seven when they took the house. His daddy was being nice. It hurt him to see his dad that way. Joking with the bastards while he signed the deed.
Lindsey had a choice. Either you got stepped on or you got to stepping and he swore to himself that he wasn't going to be the guy standing there with the stupid grin on his face while his life got dribbled out.
Was that enough? Was that enough of a reason for Angel?
"I'm sorry. I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?"
It wasn't enough.
"I found out about a job. The blind woman. Vanessa Brewer. Your friend from court."
This was what it was about. It was about that blind Vanessa, how she planned to kill a couple of kids.
"She's gonna kill some kids." Lindsey told him. He knew almost nothing about job except for it was going to happen in a couple of days and that there were some files at Wolfram and Hart, probably in the vaults.
Angel wanted the files.
"I can't go back in there. Do you understand what that place is?"
Hell with heavenly benefits.
"I'm not sensing a whole lot of resolve here."
"They're constantly watching you. Other companies have drug testing, they have mind-readers. I go back there, they're gonna kill me."
If Lindsey went back in there, he'd be pursuaded and manipulated once again. He didn't want out.
"That's what we call an acceptable risk. You're panicking right now. You can't believe how bad you let things get. That's not change. You have to make a decision to change. That's something you do by yourself. Most people... they never do."
He had to make a decision. What was it going to be? He was going to save the kids. After? Did he want in or out? He wanted to change.
"If I get myself killed, will that convince you that I've changed."
How much Lindsey wanted to change...
"It's a start."
A/N: If you're reading, you're probably thinking how unfinished this sounds. I didn't even realize that I was writing this till I was finished. It's just an idea of the moment. I just wrote it without reviewing for spelling/grammer or any other mistakes. I'm going to post it this way too. It's supposed to sound blocky. I like blocky writing :) Anyway, if you're wondering, I've been re-watching the whole 1st season of Angel. That's what inspired me to write this. Those were the good times, lol.
Feedback/constructive criticism is welcome :)