Jade POV

As I walked into school I put on my stone cold mean exterior like I did every day prior for the past three years. I pushed open the doors and saw all of my friends by their lockers enjoying each other. Cat was flirting with Robbie, Andre and Beck were talking about something, probably sports, and then there was Vega with her smug smile and love of life. I hated her so much; I hated her because I envied her.

"Hey Jade!" Vega yelled and waved to me as she ran over and hugged me.

"Get off of me Vega." I hissed coldly "You know I hate human contact."

She backed off with a saddened look on her face and I knew immediately that I had hurt her. I was about to apologize when she perked back up and asked me how my weekend was.

"It was fine I guess." I said as I looked at my wrists and feeling the pain that I had previously inflicted.

"Jade how in the world are you wearing long sleeves today its like 100 degrees outside, aren't you dying?" Cat asked as she bounced over to where Vega and I were standing.

Cat you don't know how much I am dying. I thought to myself. "It's a little hot Cat but all my short sleeved black clothes are dirty so this is all I had left." I said taking a sip from my coffee.

"KK that makes sense" Cat squeeled

The bell rang and everyone started to vacate the hallway "Hey guys we should get to Sikowitz class before we are late again." Andre called from down the hall.

We all started to Sikowitz class until I realized that I still hadn't gone to my locker to get my books yet. "Shit guys I'll catch up I still need to go to my locker." I said. Everyone said they would see me in class and as I turned around and walked down the hall I started to cry.

I could feel my mascara running down my face as the hot tears did as well. I got my books out of my locker and ran to the janitor's closet. I dropped to my knees and let out all of my tears. I felt like shit about what I did to Vega but I could never let her know that. I could never let anyone know that I had feelings, that I felt pain.

I reached into my purse and started to search around for the scissors that I always kept in there just in case I needed them during school. I couldn't find them so I dumped out my purse as I started to freak out. Those scissors are the only thing that make me feel ok, make me feel human; know that I can feel pain.

As I looked at the contents of my purse laying on the floor I knew I didn't have my scissors, I was missing my only lifeline. I sat on the floor crying for a few minutes until there was a knock on the door.

"Who is in there? No one is allowed in the Janitor's closet, open this door right now." Said a voice from the other side of the door.

I found a towel and wiped the mascara off of my eyes and made myself presentable before opening the door. I saw it was one of the janitors and quickly looked at his nametag. "Go fuck yourself 'Randy'." I said to him putting air quotes around his name as I pushed him out of the way.

I walked to the bathroom and put down my coffee and started to fix my makeup. I took a sip of my coffee and burned my tongue. "Fucking cocksucker" I screamed. An idea dawned on my after that moment, I didn't need my scissors because I had something else to use as my lifeline today.

I picked up my coffee and put my hand in the sink, after a moments hesitation I dumped the hot coffee on my hand and could feel it burning me, I clenched my hand and relief filled my soul. I washed off my hand of the coffee and walked to class.

I walked into Sikowitz's class and when he saw me he was about to yell at me for being late until I saw his eyes turned to my clenching hand. His anger turned into sadness as he realized why I was late. Sikowitz was the only one who knew I was depressed, I could confide anything to him and he was always there for me.

I tried to ignore his disappointed look as I walked over and sat down next to Beck and the gang. The class flew by as Sikowitz rambled on about something that was of no importance to anyone. The class ended and everyone got up to leave, Beck grabbed my hand and I winced but immediately put my cover face back on not wanting him to know about me. Every second that Beck held my hand was painful but I never let it show.

As we walked to the door I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned knowing who it was. "Excuse us Beck but I need to talk to Jade about being tardy." Sikowitz told him.

Beck let go of my hand and I felt some relief as the pain faded, he kissed me and walked out the door. I turned to see Sikowitz with his arms folded looking disappointed.

"Look I know what you are going to say but I'm fine. Seriously." I said avoiding his gaze.

"Beck still doesn't know does he?" Sikowitz asked.

I was thrown off by his lack of lecturing me about self-harm but I knew what he was getting at "No he doesn't and I'm going to make sure that he never does." I whispered.

He shook his head and told me the same thing that he always does "You need someone to talk to Jade."

"I have you…" I muttered.

"You are a senior Jade, I'm not going to be there with you in college, you need someone else to talk to." He said.

I knew he was right but I didn't want to admit it and I really didn't want Beck to know how broken I was.

"Jade maybe you should take the rest of the day off. Go home and rest up and try and cheer up a little." He suggested.

I gave him a hug and headed out the door. I tried to avoid all of my friends as I left the building but I was caught at the door by Vega. Fucking Vega with her ability to sing and dance and act. With her beautiful tan skin and sexy curves, her supple breasts her plump ass. She was just the perfect human being and I wanted more than anything to be with her.

No one knows that I'm pansexual and I'm fairly sure that Vega is straight so I didn't want to say anything. Plus I'm with Beck and he would never allow a polyamory relationship. So secret sexuality it is.

Al all of these thoughts went through my head I hadn't realized that she had already caught up to me. Fuck I didn't want to be seen by anyone, not even the girl of my dreams. "Hey Vega I can't talk right now I've gotta go." I said turning out the door.

"Oh ok. Uhm are we still to study later?" She asked looking sad that I was leaving.

"Yea we are you can just come over around six I guess." I told her and she perked right back to her normal self. "I'll see you later Vega, and could you bring me what I miss today, if its not to much of a hassle?" I asked.

"Nothing is to much of a hassle when it comes to you Jade" she said with a smile. "Feel better and I'll see you later" she squealed as she walked off to class.

"Yea see you later Tori." I whispered as I walked out the door and to my car.