A/N: The characters of Bobby Goren, Alex Eames et al connected to Criminal Intent, belong to Dick Wolf and attached people. The characters of Nicky Goren, Mrs Johnson, Jane Green and Kate Jones et al are mine. I do not pretend to know how the American education system works, being a Brit. I am the parent of an autistic son, the same age as i have made Nicky. Everything about Nicky is based on my son's personality and characteristics. Every autistic child is different, has different quirks, personalities, habits and abilities. Please forgive any factual errors. One day, after dealing with a bad day with my son, i watched an ep of CI and wondered, how would Bobby cope being the father of an autistic son? This is my interpretation. A longer fic, a work in progress. And for the record, Nicole Wallace is not his mother, i named him, then i realised but by then the name had stuck. See what you think. Reviews appreciated.

Under Pressure

Nicky hated to be rushed. Everything had to be done in a certain order and in a certain way otherwise he would become unsettled and have to begin again. Bobby learned this fact early on and had lost count of how many times he had been late for work as a result. Because it was Nicky, they cut him some slack.

"Ready to go Nicky?" They were seated at the breakfast table. Bobby had watched him eat his cereal as he'd sipped at his coffee. His cereal bowl was bright red, made of plastic and he'd had it for as long as Bobby could remember. He only ate his cereal from this red bowl. Nicky raised his head at his father's voice and looked at him fleetingly. It was the briefest of connections but when their eyes did meet, he was certain the boy knew who he was, knew that they shared both a biological and genetic connection.

"Ready. Eames coming?" His pedantic, almost toneless speech, lilting just at the end as a question was something he'd been taught in speech therapy and it was a rehearsed response. Bobby smiled absently to himself.

"Yeah. Eames coming soon" he confirmed. As many times as Alex had asked Nicky to call her by her first name, he almost stubbornly stuck to calling her by her surname. Then the buzzer went.

"Eames here" Nicky announced and Bobby got to his feet.

"Right on time. Could you put your bowl in the drainer?" he asked him. He went to the front door and opened it. Sure enough Alex Eames stood there.

"Ready to go?" Bobby looked over his shoulder and listened at the same time. He heard Nicky dump his bowl into the drainer as he'd requested and turn the faucet on briefly to rinse. He looked back at Alex and smiled briefly.

"Just about. Did you drink your juice Nicky?" he called. He heard the sound of a plastic cup, also red, being put back down on the table.

"All gone" he called back. Bobby waited and smiled when his son appeared, wearing his waterproof jacket, unzipped, and his backpack in his hand. There was a glimmer of a smile on his face as he stood and patiently waited for his father to zip up his coat and take his backpack from him.

"Hey Nicky. Ready to go?" Alex asked him. The boy was growing fast, not quite thirteen and already was taller than she was.

"Hey Eames. Yes. School time" he responded. He stood on tiptoe and rocked backwards and forwards briefly.

"Then let's get going" Bobby added.

"Let's go!" Nicky crowed joyfully and both adults smiled.

Nicky skipped ahead as they made their way out of the apartment building. It made an incongruous sight; Nicky Goren was all arms and legs and didn't look at all child like. As a result he frequently attracted attention. Nicky was oblivious to it and Bobby had learned to grow an extra thick skin.

"Nicky" he called as they headed out on the street. Traffic rushed by at a hurried pace and Bobby didn't want him to get too close. It wouldn't be the first time he'd chased after him as he'd made a run for it. More than once a car had missed him by millimetres and Bobby had rescued him, his heart pounding in his chest. This time Nicky paused and waited for his dad to catch up and he walked beside him, with the same swagger, the same loping stride.

Alex waited patiently as Bobby made sure that his son was securely fastened in the back seat of the SUV. The radio played quietly in the background. He liked to listen to music and could name any tune, any musician from the opening bars alone. It was a game Bobby played with him regularly and Nicky was never wrong. Nicky also had extraordinarily sensitive hearing, everything had to be at a tolerable level for him because any loud noise made him anxious and set him on edge and it always took Bobby a while to settle him down. His school was across town and Nicky loved going there. Alex listened to them play guess that tune with half an ear as they went there. She remembered just how hard Bobby had fought to get him a place at the school. The fees were expensive, almost crippling; almost but not quite. He worked hard to make sure Nicky got the therapy, the help that he needed.

Bobby turned in his seat as Nicky's school came into view. Nicky was looking out of the window, the fingers of his left hand fluttering and twisting slightly. Not for the first time he wondered what was going through his mind. His boy. His entire world. The first he'd known of his existence had been a visit from his caseworker. Nicky was five years old at the time and in foster care. His mother had told her that her son's father was a New York City Police Detective by the name of Robert Goren. Robert Goren had been stunned speechless. She had been a rare one-night stand and he had been insistent on contraception, so being informed that he was a father had been mind blowing.

A DNA test had proved conclusively that Nicky was his son. It had been a formality because the moment Bobby saw the little boy, he'd known. The line of his jaw, the arch of his eyebrows, the thick dark curls and the deep brown eyes. It was like looking into a mirror. He was a Goren all right. Bobby also quickly discovered why his mother had given up on him. Nicky was autistic.

"We're here," Bobby told him as Alex slowed the SUV. Nicky turned his head and flicked a glance his father's way before unfastening his seatbelt. Bobby did likewise and looked at Alex.

"I'll be back shortly"

"Take your time. Bye Nicky. Have a good day"

"Bye Eames" Nicky replied as he climbed out of the back seat, already forgotten by him. She smiled to herself, so like his father.

Bobby walked with his son into school. Walking side by side, the Goren boys attracted attention. Women stared after Bobby, taking in his height and his dark good looks. Nicky too made an arresting sight. It was another tragedy in his young life. He would grow up to be a very handsome young man but he would be completely unaware of it, as he was of life around him. Nicky's pace quickened as they got closer to his classroom. Bobby watched as he unzipped his jacket and began to shrug it off. Bobby leaned forwards and caught it before it dropped to the floor and then followed him inside. The class was small; there were four other boys in attendance. Usually there were six in total.

"Good morning Detective. Nicky" Nicky turned his head and looked at Jane, his teacher. A smile crossed his face.

"Morning Jane" he replied. Bobby watched him make a beeline for the library of picture books. It was another similarity. Nicky's own picture book collection at home was extensive. Borders and Barnes and Noble were their second homes, all the staff knew them on sight. Jane looked at Bobby and accepted Nicky's backpack from him.

"Any problems?" she asked him. Bobby looked at her and he shook his head.

"He's been fine. Happy" Jane looked away and at Nicky.

"I can tell. He's very settled right now. Will Mrs Johnson be collecting him as usual this afternoon?"

"Yeah. Any problems in the meantime, please call me" Jane nodded and then watched the detective go to his son.

For a moment Bobby watched Nicky flip through the pages of the book, saw his eyes flicker over the familiar pictures, his fingers smoothing over the words before flicking in their complicated little pattern. Those fingers traced imaginary patterns in the air and Bobby learned to gauge his moods by how quickly those fingers flitted. The faster they went, the more stimulated he was. Right now they were going their usual speed.

"I have to go now Nicky" he told him in a quiet voice. Nicky didn't react to him but Bobby knew that he'd heard him all the same.

"Mrs Johnson will pick you up at home time and I'll see you at dinner time"

"Home time. Dinner time" Nicky parroted. Bobby reached across and ran his hand through his son's unruly curls.

"Love you buddy" he murmured and then pressed a kiss on the side of his head. Nicky tolerated quick kisses, brief hugs, anything more made him stiffen up and pull away.

"Love you buddy" he mimicked. Bobby straightened up, still looking at him. Leaving him here was always such a wrench but Nicky loved it here and the staff were fantastic with him. He turned to one of the classroom assistants and handed her Nicky's jacket.

Alex saw the melancholy in her partner's eyes as he fastened his seatbelt.

"Nicky settle in okay?" she asked as she started the engine. He glanced at him.

"Oh yeah" he replied. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.

Bobby always said that he would never be a father. He wouldn't inflict any prospective child with such a genetic liability as his. His mother had battled with schizophrenia, he remembered those battles and still wore the scars. Then there was Nicky and with him had come the curveball that was autism, an entirely new concept to deal with, grasp at and try to understand. And he tried to understand. Why Nicky insisted on the same breakfast bowl every single morning, why the outside world overwhelmed him to the point that he just shut down. It was as though he was unable or just unwilling to deal with the sensory overload and like an overwhelmed circuit, he would just completely close down. Bobby was certain that Nicky's autism was genetic. He didn't know for sure because he'd been five years old when he'd come to him and he'd had no idea of his illnesses or immunisations before then, whether he'd reacted to them or not. It was just something inside of him that told him that all of this was connected somehow. He was curious but at the same time he didn't really care. Nicky was his son and he loved him unconditionally. Knowing whether his autism was genetic or not wasn't going to change him or cure him. Bobby loved him and was fiercely proud of him and that was all that mattered.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Bobby opened his eyes and looked at his partner.

"Some. Nicky went to sleep around two this morning and was awake a little after seven"

"I thought he was a good sleeper?"

"He can be, but sometimes he finds it very hard to switch off and when he's like that we can be up for a while" Sounds familiar Alex thought.

"And that happened last night?" Bobby just nodded.

"I know it's none of my business…but have you looked into respite care? You need a break once in a while"

"He's my son. My responsibility and I can count on one hand how many people I can trust with him, or who he trusts. It's not going to happen"

"And what will you do when exhaustion finally hits and you literally can't go on?" Alex responded.

"It's not going to happen. I will cope. I have to" his tone left her without a doubt that he was done on the subject.

Two identical faces stared back at him. Bobby gazed at the photograph on his desk. Alex had taken it. They had been sitting side by side in the conference room. Mrs Johnson had dropped him off on her way to her doctor's appointment and he had sat with him with his picture books whilst Bobby had completed his paperwork. He looked at his son's smile, the way his eyes seemed to disappear into his face. It wasn't a true smile, but it was Nicky's interpretation of a smile all the same. Bobby sighed and leaned back in his seat. Alex meant well, he knew that but the thought of someone else taking physical care of his son just didn't sit well with him.

He swore that he spent more time doing paperwork than solving crimes sometimes. It was a necessary evil if there was to be a conviction. There would be hell to pay if one wasn't achieved because the t's weren't crossed and the i's weren't dotted correctly. His phone rang and he answered it almost absently, his mind still on the paperwork.

"Goren"

"Detective Goren…this is Jane Green" Instantly the paperwork was forgotten.

"Miss Green. Is Nicky okay?" he saw Eames's head go up.

"Nicky is fine Detective but Mrs Johnson failed to pick him up" Automatically Bobby checked his watch. It was after four.

"Have you tried her cell phone?"

"We've tried all the numbers supplied detective and there's no reply" Eames watched Bobby stand up.

"I'll be there as soon as I can to collect him" he promised and hung up. He looked at Alex.

"His sitter failed to pick him up" he frowned " she never forgets. She calls me if she can't make it" he muttered almost to himself. Alex watched him go and retrieve his coat and slip it on. When he turned, he saw Alex on the phone. She hung up and stood up, retrieving her jacket from the back of her chair.

"I put a call out for a local uniform to check her apartment"

"What are you doing?"

"Coming with you. Nicky prefers the SUV to a cab anyway" Bobby sighed. She was right and Nicky was always much more co-operative if he knew he was going to get a ride in the SUV.

"Alright. Clear it with the Captain. I'll have to bring him back here with me for a little while to get that stuff finished" he indicated the folders on his desk.

"I can cover that" Bobby looked at her and shook his head.

"You have enough to do. Nicky will be okay with his picture books for a little while" he replied.

"Give me a minute" and Bobby watched her hurry across the bullpen and disappear into Deakins' office. He pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and called Mrs Johnson's number.

He disconnected when Alex returned.

"No reply?" Bobby shook his head as they both headed out.