Hey, it's me again. Missed me? Hah. This is something I wrote a couple of months ago with a stranger on the Omegle. It someone recognizes this, please write to me so I'll give them some credit. I hope you like it, tell me what you think.
The Photo Album.
Cas looked down at his watch, the hands on the small frame seemed to go slower and slower each day and that was something Cas didn't mind at all. He knew Dean and Sam wouldn't be at the bunker for while and it was just Kevin. Cas had been feeling sick lately, his side getting sore and even hurt to touch. Eating was a no, anything he got down wouldn't last long in staying down. The weight he was losing from not eating was unbelievable. Kevin offered to take him to the hospital when the boys we're gone and he took it. The doctor diagnosed that Castiel had pancreatic cancer and it had been far too late to try chemotherapy, instead, the doctor gave him 7 months to live. (He would have drove himself but didn't know how) The car ride back was fast and silent. He didn't want to say a word. Not yet. It wasn't the right time yet. Cas got out of the car to see the impala coming up the driveway.
Dean and Sam were back to the bunker, with Sam doing another research and Dean wondering where were Cas and Kevin. He walked around and when he finally heard the car coming in, he almost ran to see what was going on and where they were. He knew that there was something wrong and was almost sure that it was with Cas. Dean had noticed that he was getting worse with every day, a lot paler, skinnier and he didn't like it. He swallowed hard and opened the door asking "Where the hell were you?" He tried to sound as calm as he could and not show that he was dead worried about Cas.
Kevin swallowed, he didn't know if he should tell Dean anything, so he didn't. "Out." Castiel answered. "Just needed to get out of this place for a while." He coughed. "I need to use the bathroom sorry." he said as he swiftly moved past Dean. It hurt to see Dean knowing that he wouldn't be able to see him for that much longer. As soon as he was in the bathroom, he locked the door and fell to his knees, throwing up the recent snack they just had. He dry-heaved for a few minutes after that and his body was wrecked with tremors and so he sat on the ground, arms folded over the toilet seat and started to sob. Harsh cries filled the small bathroom.
Dean knew the there was something wrong, he could feel it in the way Cas acted against him, in the was Kevin avoided his gaze and that they both looked like someone had just died. He Watched as Cas went in to the bathroom and heard the door getting locked. He didn't ask anything just sighed loudly and sat on the couch, thinking that if it was something serious Cas would tell him. The second he heard the cried he was already up and walked to the bathroom door, knocking softly on it "Cas? Cas are you okay?" He asked this time unable to hold his voice even.
Cas rose his head from his arms and looked towards the door, tears running down his cheeks. "I'm fine Dean.. Go back to what you were doing." He said.
Dean shook his head although the other couldn't see him "Cas, what's wrong?" He asked trying to opened the door but couldn't "Talk to me man"
"Just go away Dean!" Cas snapped. He didn't mean to but he did. Castiel just figured that it was the stress of everything, being told he had cancer, and being told that he was going to die soon, just added a weight to his shoulders.
Dean sighed and leaned on the wall, thinking that there was something really wrong here. He didn't say anything else, feeling hurt that Cas didn't want to talk to him about it and that it hurt him so much that he would just shoo him away like he was a bad fly/
All the emotions that Cas was feeling made him overwork and he started retching again, not being able to pass anything as there was nothing in his stomach to pass up. It started to be painful and it just turned into a painful coughing spell that he couldn't control because soon, his chest was tightening on him and he couldn't breath; he started to hyperventilate.
Dean was still near the door able to hear everything that was going on inside. He cursed him and knew that may be Cas just wanted some privacy, but he couldn't help himself. Once the coughs became more rough and then started at once Dean just followed his instinct. He kicked the door open and saw Cas hyperventilating on the floor. He immediately rushed in and kneel down next to him.
Castiel felt Dean's presence and then felt Dean as he wrapped his arms around the skinny frame of Cas, no doubt feeling the sharp edge of the bones sticking out from his skin. His chest continued to work overtime but when Dean hugged Cas close to his chest, Cas focused on the warmth and breathing of Dean as Dean just held him. Eventually, he got his breathing under control. "S-Sorry." Cas hiccuped.
Stranger: Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, holding him close to his chest. He started mumbling comforting words to him and rocked him back and forth softly, making sure that he was okay. He could feel how tinier he had become and how much more skinnier. He hated seeing him like that and held him even closer. "It's okay, Cas, just breathe" He said softly.
"I didn't mean to.. I wasn't suppose to go this way... I thought I would go a different way.." Castiel said as tears ran down his cheeks. "I don't know what I did to deserve this!" He almost yelled into Dean's chest
Dean held him close and caressed his hair softly "Sh.. whatever's wrong we can fix it." He said softly to him, wondering what could have happened to make him loose control like that "Calm down, Cas, you'll be fine."
"No! No it's not okay! I can't escape this and it's all my fault!" He whined, crying harder now, he hoped that Dean didn't mind him crying into his t-shirt and making it wet.
"We can at least try if you tell me what's wrong" Dean said softly, stroking his hair and crying to make him feel better, because it was tearing his heart to see him like this.
"Stage four... Stage four pancreatic cancer Dean.." He dug his face into Dean's chest not wanting to see the moment of heart-break on his face. "I'm going to die whether I like it or not." He said quietly.
Dean froze as he heard the words. How.. why.. since when... he asked himself and wondered how long had Cas known about it. He knew that there was no cure for cancer and felt that his eyes were watering "Oh Cas..." He whispered quietly and pulled him even closer in his arms.
Cas let himself be hugged. "I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you, or Sam or Kevin.. I'm not ready to die.." He sobbed. "What did I do to get this? What did I do?" He sobbed harshly.
Dean held him closer "I'm sorry Cas... I don't know what to say.." he said quietly and took a deep breathing, glad that the door was closed as a tear ran down his cheek "I.. I Don't want to loose you..Cas... I don't"
Cas clutched Dean's t-shirt tightly, almost as it he could never let go of Dean. "Don't make any deals... or bargains.." Castiel said, finally looking up at Dean. "Promise me you won't go saving my life and putting yours first. Let me die.. and you go and have a good life."
Dean listened to him and shook his head "I'm not letting you die, Cas, no way" He said firmly to him meeting his eyes "I don't care what will happen, I'm not going to let you die from something like that... or from anything" he added as another small tear fell from his eyes.
"No, but just this once Dean... Stop saving people's lives and just this once.. Allow someone to die.. Let that person be me. Like I said, I'm going to die whether I like it or not and if you make a deal.. I would be so so mad Dean." Castiel said, then in a small voice he added, "Maybe heaven will let me in again and I can watch over you till you pass of old age.."
Dean rolled his eyes "Cas with all our history, do you really think that I'm going to die of old age?" He asked him quietly and raised a brow "I'd much prefer to die for someone that's important to me. Just like you are. I can't let you go" He said to him and felt like with all Cas words he was going to break him, like he didn't want to be saved "You will not die"
"Dean." Castiel said, moving to look him directly in the eyes. "This means I am not cut out to be a human. Just let me die... in peace.." He hung his head in shame. "I only have seven months.. Seven months is enough time.. right?"
Dean shook his head "There's nothing peaceful in dying from cancer Cas" He said and swallowed hard at his next words. No time on earth was enough for him to live, but he couldn't tell him that. "..m-may be.." He said and sighed a little knowing that he could see through him.
Castiel leaned forward to rest his forehead on Dean's forehead. "I'll miss you. A lot Dean." He admitted.
Dean knew that if he had only seven months he didn't have what to loose more. "I'll miss you more than anything' He whispered softly and placed a hand behind Cas neck, driving him close to kiss his lips.
Cas felt his heart stammer in his chest when their lips were close, so close that they could feel the breath on each of their lips. "I love you Dean." Castiel admitted, he had been feeling that way for ages and this seemed like an appropriate time to tell him.
Dean closed his eyes at the words "I love you Cas... more than anything ..." He mumbled almost unheard and another tear fell from his eye "Please... please don't make me loose you, I can't... " He said once again feeling like he was going to break from pain,
Cas didn't know what to do so he leaned in a bit more, pressing his lips to Dean's soft and full ones. He closed his eyes and let the emotions and sensations course through him. He felt more alive right at this moment than any other time.
Dean kissed him back pulled him closer. He didn't break the kiss for a while, thinking that everything they could ever have was counted, every kiss, every look, every 'I love you' would end once the seven months were over. When the kiss finally broke, Castiel looked into Dean's eyes, green catching onto blue. Castiel leaned down to rest their heads again, noses touching and he closed his eyes, just feeling the warmth and smelling the scent of Dean.
"Why?" Dean asked quietly after a while "Why didn't you tell me earlier" He repeated thinking that he had to had feelings for him before that very moment. He closed his eyes too, knowing how much pain he was going to go through when he was gone/
"If I were to get any closer to you.. I thought.. It would be harder to leave you.. Harder for you to forget about me." Castiel admitted. "At once, I didn't think it was anything.. But Dean." Castiel said as he grabbed Dean's hand and held it to his chest. "Feel that heartbeat? I'm alive right now. It's the present that matters."
Dean shook his head "I'll never forget you Cas...I can't forget you, you're all my heart, without you nothing will ever be the same." he said and squeezed his hand softly "I love you" He said and sighed a little sure that he could spend like that more time that they should. He looked at him and bit his lip, knowing that he would save him, no matter he liked it or not.
Castiel leaned his head on Dean's shoulders. "I'm tired Dean.." He admitted, the crying and everything that had happened today was wearing him out massively and his eyelids were growing heavier and heavier.
Dean nodded "Come on, you can sleep' He said "Do you want me to carry you?" He asked him softly, wanting to ease everything for him as much as possible.
Castiel nodded in his shoulder. He didn't know how his energy could be drained that fast but it had. "Sorry if I'm too heavy.." He apologized.
"You're like a feather and that's what worries me" Dean soft and easily lifted him from the floor, placing one hand under is knees and one around his shoulders going out of the bathroom.
Cas just rested his head on Dean's chest and fought to stay awake. He didn't care if either Sam or Kevin were to see him, if they were because he was just too tired to even care and the familiar stomach ache was returning. Sometimes it would last a few minutes but they had previously lasted a few days and Castiel just said he had a fever and ended up sweating a moaning in pain for those days. He didn't want a re-run of those events.
Dean looked at Sam and Kevin, his eyes telling them not to dare and ask anything. He walked past them and got Cas on the bed, lying him careful not to hurt him and covering him with a blanket. As the door was closed he sat on the edge of the bed taking his hand in his and squeezing it softly.
Castiel barely registered Dean's hand sliding in his and squeezing but he did manage to squeeze back almost as if he was going to reassure him, like saying 'it's okay, I'm alright' to him even though he was the opposite. Castiel fell asleep immediately.
Dean watched him for a while, thinking that he looked peaceful as he was asleep. He sighed softly and after a while walked out of the room knowing that he should do something about that.
"Dean. What's wrong with him? He looks sick.." Sam approached Dean after he came out of Castiel's room. Castiel did look really bad in Sam's opinion, his cheekbones were more prominent and he looked constantly tired and pale.
Dean rubbed his eyes and sighed "He... he had cancer..." He said and took a deep breath, looking at Sam for a mere second before moving his gaze away and thinking of all the possible ways that he could get him out the sure death
Sam paused, out of all the things he thought Cas had, cancer was not one of them. "C-Cancer?" He stammered. "God.. Is he okay? Well.. pretty stupid question but.. How is he doing?" He asked.
Dean looked at him and sighed once again "Pretty bad.. they told him that he had only seven months..." He said and closed his eyes for a second "I must do something Sammy...I have to save him..." added quietly
Sam wouldn't hug his brother on occasion but this was something serious and looked like it was taking the toll on Dean because he knew Castiel and him wee close so he stepped forward and hugged him. Sam never thought that Castiel would die from something so human. "What did he say about being saved because... it's kind of up to him Dean.." He said solemnly.
Dean hugged him back, not sure why but it was like he needed it. He sighed at Sam's question "He said that he want to ... die in peace..." He mumbled and pulled away shaking his head "But it's not happening,I won't let him die... I don't care what he says' He said feeling that his eyes were watering again.
"What can we do about it? We could try crossroad demons but there's no way I'm letting you do that, not since last time." Sam said. "No angel out there will help him as he is human and they'll just believe that what happens happens and Death is a tricky bastard.." Sam said.
Dean listened to him and sighed "There should be something. Some spell, magic.. something that would make him feel better." He said and shook his head knowing that he wouldn't let him die, and that if there was nothing else he could do, hell would be a good place to be if Cas was alright.
"We can do research.." Sam offered, already walking down to the library. As much as he was determined to make Castiel better, he would not let his brother put himself on the firing line for him.
Dean followed him and took one of the ten-inch wide magic book that were there, bringing it to the table and looking for a spell that would cure everything and anything. Castiel tossed and turned, he was having a dream of the angels and demons once again and he woke up, 5 hours after he fell asleep originally, sweating and cold despite the blanket. He felt a little better but still tired, naturally. He stretched and was glad that his stomach ache wasn't too bad. he threw off the blanket and ran a hand across his sweaty forehead. he stood up a little shakily and started walking out of his room to get a glass of water.
Dean had spend the hours reading and researching about spells magics and all sorts of mojo that would help Castiel to feel better to cure him. He leaned back closing another useless book and sighed. Hearing the door of the room where Cas was open and turned his head quickly and watched him walk, thinking how shaky and unstable the other look. "Hey. How did'ya sleep?" He asked trying to make himself smile.
Castiel smiled a little, trying to reassure him. "Fine.. Just needed some water." He knew he walked slightly hunched over because of his stomach ache but eventually made it to the kitchen where he poured a glass of water and steadily drank it. He turned to Dean. "What are you doing?"
Dean nodded to what he said first thinking that he looked far from fine but didn't say anything. He watched him drink, thinking that he would look at for him just as he was doing for Sam. "Just research" He said and shrugged a little at his question not wanting him to know how desperate he was.
Castiel nodded. "Are you going on a hunt anytime soon?" He asked. He made a slight face when his stomach was hit with a particularly strong cramp but just hoped that Dean wouldn't notice, he was worrying enough as it is and besides, there was going to be another 7 months of them before they were going to stop.
Dean noticed the change in his expression and bit his lip a little. "Um.. I don't know yet, there isn't anything on first page, right Sam?" He asked and looked at his brother, hoping he would say no and that he would have to leave Cas alone. He realised that he doesn't want to move from his side even a bit as the time was already moving.
Sam looked from Dean to Cas.. "Uh, no there isn't.." Sam said even though he knew there was going on but he figured him and Kevin could do that one by themselves as it seemed like a pretty easy hunt. He knew Dean wanted to spend as much time with Cas as possible.
Dean nodded, still chewing his bit unnoticeable. He looked to Cas and made a movement with his head for him to come and sit as he wasn't sure that he was very stable like that. But he honestly just wanted to feel him close and may be hold his hand, but wouldn't do it in front of Sam and Kevin
Cas got the memo and he brought his water over to a seat next to Dean. "So uh.. I might as well say as the sooner it is the better.." Sam started as he reached inside a bag next to him and brought out an empty photo book and a camera. "Might as well treasure the next 7 months right?" He said and Cas smiled widely at Sam. "Thank you." He said.
Dean smiled at Sam and then at Cas, liking the camera idea, but not the fact that he would be the only one that would watched the photos once the seven months were over and he was left alone "It's a good idea" He said and swallowed a little, thinking that Sam was thoughtful.
Sam nodded and smiled a little. Cas just coughed and drank a bit more of his water. "How about we take a photo now? Day 1?" Cas said, thinking out aloud. Sam smiled a little and took the camera switching it on. He wasn't sure whether to tell them to smile of not but he said "Come on then.. move closer" He smiled. Cas laced his hand with Dean's under the table and moved closer to him, smiling a little at the camera. He wanted every photo to be with Dean because he wanted the whole book to be about them. Not just him. Dean smiled for the picture too and squeezed Cas hand under the table, not letting him go when Sam laid the camera down. He threw a look at Cas and smiled once again only for him, lovingly.
"Let's see it." Cas said as he used his free hand to grab the camera and flick to the newest photo. He looked at the photo and smiled, tears pooling in his eyes because this was the first chapter of Cas's death. The first photo down counting down his death like the seconds ticked on the clock. It was a beautiful picture - honestly. Dean saw his reaction and leaned closer to him looking at the photo too, he sighed softly, thinking that it was just one of the last they would have and he hated the idea. He ignored Sam and whispered softly "It'll be okay"
"Yeah.." Castiel said, rubbing his eyes. "It will." He smiled.
Dean kissed his cheek softly and squeezed his hand under the table.
Sam coughed a little and stood up, "I'm.. Yeah I'm going to hang out with Kevin.." He announced as he grabbed his bag and disappeared fully from the room. Castiel blushed a little, "I don't think he was expecting that." He laughed a little.
Dean threw him a look and rolled his eyes "He's always been like that" He said and smiled a little before he returned his look to Cas, not sure what to say though.
Castiel looked back to the photo on the camera. "One photo down.. About 80 to go." Castiel smiled despite it hurting inside. "Damnit.." He groaned when his stomach got considerably worse. "I hate this." He groaned as he wrapped his arm around his stomach.
Dean looked softly at him and sighed a little moving close to him and wrapping his arms around him, telling himself he was going to make him feel better "You know that when they say seven months it's not like that are sure that it will happen exacting after they're over." he said softly to him.
"I know.." Cas sighed. "Let's hope I go on for longer eh?" He smiled a little.
\
And soon about two months had passed and Castiel had gotten morphine shots and a little port over his chest to inject the morphine in. Dean was taught on how to insert the needle into the port properly and he did it whenever the stomach cramps got too painful for Cas and sometimes Cas had good days but also had bad days. In the good days, he could eat and at least something would stay in him, the cramps weren't that bad either but on the bad days, nothing would stay down, not even a little water and Castiel normally lay on the bed, feeling cold and sweating and curled up around him, arms around himself, moaning occasionally. Today was one of these days and Cas hated them.
Dean was awake from some time and Cas still hadn't joined him. He looked at the clock and saw it was rather late which meant he had a bad day. Through the months that passed, Dean was still searching for something to be done, but nothing had come up yet and he was starting to get desperate. He stood from his chair and went to the room where Cas was seeing if he was awake and how was he feeling. He opened the door to see him curled around himself and sighed a little going for him "Hey, love, how are you?" He asked softly and sat on the bed next to him caressing his back softly
Castiel just moaned a little. "Dean... Can I.. Can I have a shot?" He asked, and looked at Dean with pained eyes. he never really asked for a morphine shot unless things were going really bad for him and Castiel realized that if he was going to have a shot, it was going to get worse before it got better. He tried to sit up straight so that he could remove his t-shirt and allow the port to be seen.
Dean nodded "Of course" He said softly to him and helped him lift his shirt and got he needle. "Lay down, okay, it's going to be alright" he said softly to him and pushed his shoulders down gently so he could be back on the bed. He inserted the needle and soon he was ready, as he pulled Cas' shirt down again "Do you want me to stay with you? I can hold you until you get better"
Castiel nodded, the morphine making it's way straight to his heart. He often felt bad that he was using Dean so much for his benefit and he knew he was going to have to talk about that with him soon.
Dean laid down next to Cas and took him in his arms kissing his hair softly "You'll feel better by the minute" He said softly to him knowing that it was going to take longer than that, but it was still comforting.
Castiel just nodded and squeezed his eyes a little. "Dean.. it hurts.." He rasped. He didn't know it would hurt him this much but the doctors said they couldn't do anything about it and just gave him medicine. Castiel didn't like it, he would rather die quickly than slowly and painfully.
Dean pulled him closer "I know, but it'll pass, you'll feel better" He said quietly and calmingly to him "Everything's going to be okay" He caressed his back softly holding him close to his chest, making sure that he was warm and at least a little content "Do you want me to tell you a story?" He asked as it was one of the things that they did when Cas was in a lot of pain.
Castiel just nodded. He loved Dean's stories, they always helped him, always made the pain go away a little and sometimes even made him fall asleep. They would range from a variety of different genre's because Dean didn't care what the story was like, as long as it made Cas feel better.
Dean nodded and started talking to him, smiling softly as he was telling about a lost prince in a forest. He held Cas close to his chest, caressing his back softly as he talked with calm and smoothing voice wanting nothing more than to make him feel better.
It started to work with Cas once again, each one of his muscles relaxed and the pain was starting to disappear from the effects of the morphine, but like the morphine always did, it made Cas tired and sometimes loopy. Cas breathed in Dean's scent and a smile tainted the corners of his lips as he listened to the story but he never got to the end as he fell asleep, in Dean's arms.
Dean talked for the next hour, never getting tired or stopping just because he knew that it would help Cas to be better. He saw that he was asleep when he finished but didn't pull away from him, loving the moment of how calm everything and everyone seemed when they were together and alone. He kissed his head softly and closed his eyes as well.
Castiel woke up some hours later and noticed Dean's arms around him still and judging by the breathing of Dean and the rise and fall of his chest, he was also sleeping, like he usually did when after telling Cas a story. Cas slowly reached to grab the camera from his bedside table and silently caught a picture of him smiling a little, looking happy despite the weight he had lost and the dark circles around his eyes. Dean was also in the picture, eyes closed and a peaceful look overcoming him as his sleeping face was in the background. He took the picture and smiled at how it came out. He silently placed the camera back and snuggled closer to Dean, his stomach just being a gentle throb now.
Dean woke up a while after the picture was taken and he smiled as he saw that Cas was awake. Pulling him close to himself "Any better?" He asked softly and kissed his temple affectionately and to check if he was having fever. He seemed fine which made him smile once again hoping that he was feel fine as well.
"Yeah. Thank you. I hope I don't bother you too much.." Castiel said as he sighed and looked up at Dean. "You're the best, you know that? Looking after me must be tough work.. I don't know how you do it." Castiel almost chuckled and nuzzled his head in the crook of Dean's neck, feeling the warmth of his skin against his own.
Dean shook his head "You can never bother me Cas." he said softly to him and caressed his cheek, listening to his next words "It's not hard . All need to know is that it will make you feel better and I can lift the world for you' He added and smiled a little, pulling him closer to himself
It was another two months later when things really started getting bad. It wasn't just the stomach pains anymore as Cas now felt weak and so so tired. they figured that out the hard way when one morning, as Cas was moving to the bathroom, feeling weaker than usual just collapse on the floor, immediately alerting Sam who was closest to him. "Cas? Cas!" Sam had said as he rushed to kneel besides him.
Dean who was in the next room heard the shout and jumped from his place running to where Cas and Sam where "What happened ?" he asked getting on his knees too. He lifted Cas head on his knees looking worriedly from Cas to Sam and the back to the other frowning and biting his lip to blood.
"I don't know, he just collapsed!" Sam said as he gently squeezed Castiel's shoulder. "Cas? Cas can you hear me?" He asked gently, testing for a concussion. "Sam? Dean?" Castiel looked up to Dean's concerned face. "I fell." He concluded as he thought about why he fell. Confusion had started to become a normal thing for Cas now and even on one morning when Dean was going to take a picture, Cas asked why and it broke Dean's heart because Cas was the one who thought it was a great idea.
Dean noticed the confusion in his voice and bit his lip harder. He hated it when Cas was acting like that. He couldn't believe that he was loosing him in such was, everything was happening so quickly. The months were moving like days and the time was running out. Dean wanted to help him so much but there was nothing he could do. Sam had made him promise that he wouldn't make a deal and it was the only way he could save him even if they get just another year together. "It's okay Cas, I've got you." He said softly and lifted him up from the floor to the couch.
Dean settled Castiel on the couch, Castiel just turned onto the side that didn't hurt and closed his eyes, quickly falling fast asleep. "I didn't know this was going to get this bad.." Sam said. "This is painful. I'm going to make you a coffee." Sam declared and went to the kitchen to just do that.
Dean sat on the ground next to Cas head and watched him fell sleep covering him with a blanket. He caressed his hair softly and as he was alone let a few tears fall from his eyes, wanting Cas to be alright again. He looked at him and sighed knowing that at least when it was over there would be more more plain for Cas, even if that meant Dean to be alone forever.
Castiel woke up coughing one morning, a month after the incident and was surprise to find his hand spattered with red as he pulled his hand from his mouth. Alarmed he called out. "Dean? Sam?" He knew something of this sort was bound to happen. He was two months away from dying anyway.
Dean was the first to come and saw the blood on his hand "Cas?! Cas what happened?" He asked and got to his bed sitting lightly on the edge "Are you okay? Where did the blood come from?" He asked and looked at him concerned, almost sure it was from inside bleeding.
"I don't know.. I just coughed.." Cas said quietly, looking down at his hand. Sam entered the room and saw Cas's hand. "Dean, if it's internal bleeding, then we need to get him to the hospital, we know what's happening on the outside of his body, but not the inside. I'll pack a bag for him." Sam said, trying to sound calm but knowing that he seemed a bit scared since this internal bleeding was a new thing.
Dean nodded to what he said and took a napkin that was standing near the bed, getting the blood off Cas hand "How do you feel. Does anything hurt more than usual?" He asked him softly and raised a brow taking his hand in his and squeezing it softly. Wishing with all his heart that he would be oka.
"A sharp pins and needles in my chest." Castiel said. "But it doesn't feel annoying.. Just hurts a little bit.." Castiel whimpered. "Am I going to be okay Dean?" Castiel looked at Dean because if he said that Cas was going to be okay, then Cas believed he was going to be okay. Cas swung his legs over the bed, getting ready to go to the car, hopefully by himself.
Dean nodded briefly "You're going to be okay, Cas of course you are" he said to him and smiled although he was right in front of tears because he didn't know whether he was going to be okay or not and if there was something more wrong with him than before. He stood from the bed and watched him try and get up "I can always help you with that'
Castiel shook his head, he was adamant to try and do this by himself as most of the days, he just ended up laying on the bed or sofa, moaning from stomach pains or just trying to actually sleep properly. He stood up and felt shaky and weak and the knees but he managed to walk a bit but about halfway there, he had to pause and hold on to Dean's arm, feeling like he was going to fall even if he was standing still.
Dean nodded to what he said and sighed a little watching him try and move on his own. He followed him close by his side, walking with his slow temp making sure there was something he would hold on the second he felt unstable. He took his arm and held him up "You'll be okay, I'm here, lean on me if you want" He said quietly and softly to him.
Castiel just nodded and finally gave in on trying to walk without help. He had what seemed like no energy left in him whatsoever and so he wrapped his arm around Dean's waist and leaned on him slightly - okay a lot - but it didn't matter, he didn't weigh enough to put a strain to Dean. A couple minutes later, they were outside and next to the Impala. Goosebumps rose on Castiel's t-shirt as he stepped out in the cool morning air, he took a deep breath in and enjoyed the smell of the dew on the greenery, strangely feeling like it was the last time he was going to be outside. He looked behind him, at the bunker and fare-welled it in his head. "Alright, all packed up." Sam announced as he shut the boot of the Impala.
Dean let Cas in the back seat and turned to Sam "Would you mind driving?" He asked him and pressed his lips as he didn't want to leave Castiel's side literally, afraid that something might happen to him. He sighed a little, partly glad that Sam nodded and sat next to Cas in the impala, wrapping an arm around his shoulders "Do you want me to talk to you?" He asked him softly hoping that he would be able to do at least that when he couldn't help him in any other way.
"That would be nice, it would get my mind off a few things. By the way, do you have some other tissues?" Castiel asked, he was feeling the urge to cough again but didn't want to get blood on his hands. He suspected that he wasn't a big fan of blood as it made his stomach churn just at the sight of it.
Dean nodded and took a packet out of his pocket and gave one to Cas "Here" he said softly and took a deep breath biting his lip and thinking that there would be more blood and that it was going to get more and more ugly. He tried to make himself think of something, anything he could do save him, but there was nothing.
Sam pulled away from the bunker and Castiel took one last look at it before coughing harshly into the tissue, hurting his stomach a little in the process. When he felt like he was done coughing, he lowered the hand that clutched the bloody tissue, he didn't dare look at it as his stomach was already weak as it is. "Is it bad?" He asked Dean about the tissue and Sam looked in the rear view mirror, concern for Cas showing through.
Dean threw a look at the tissue and gulped a little "It's not good certainly, but the doctors will tell us how bad it actually is" He said and pulled him close to himself, kissing his forehead softly, before he started talking, this a story that he hoped Cas hadn't hurt so it would be interesting to him, he told him about the living water, a tale his mother told him when he saw just a baby.
Castiel was immersed in the story, listening to every word, every detail of it and imagining the whole thing take place in his head - it was beautiful. Dean had a way of sculpting words and perfecting them and made Castiel forget about all of his problems for a little while. The story was long enough and perfectly timed to end when Sam pulled up at the hospital. "I already called your doctor Cas.. A nurse is coming to collect you now, he's waiting." Sam said and sure enough, a young dark toned girl came up, pushing a wheelchair along with her. Castiel opened the door to the car and got helped to sit inside the chair as the nurse pushed him inside. Dean was walking besides him and Castiel slid his fingers through Dean's and offered a little reassuring smile. "It'll be okay.." He murmured.
Dean nodded "I hope so" He said and squeezed his hand as they walked inside of the hospital. He saw many doctors and nurses, sick people and their relatives. He bit his lip, as they walked to one of the rooms, that was just like all the others. With a simple bed a small table, monitors that got pitched up to Cas to check on his breathing and pulse and blood pressure. A small tv and a couple of chairs. They helped Cas on the bed and pulled the covers over him. As soon as the doctor was there, they made Dean and Sam walk out of the room so he could talk with Castiel and check everything on him. Dean didn't want to leave but Sam told him he had to and sighing he said "I'll come back soon" to Cas before he left.
The doctor asked Cas a little bit of everything and made him take off his shirt. Cas could see that the doctor was not proud of the way that he had lost weight because nearly his whole ribcage was visible and the doctor discussed having a feeding tube inserted into him which Castiel reluctantly agreed with, which meant that he could have more time with Dean but also meant that he would have to stay in this hospital for essentially the rest of his life, which saddened him. The doctor soon left but upon Castiel's orders, let Dean come back into the room and Castiel bit his lip as Dean saw him shirtless. Dean waited outside what seemed to be an eternity wondering what were they talking about so much. He was leaned on the wall waiting to be left in as soon as possible wanting to be with Cas. When the doctor was finally out he nodded to Dean's silent question and he went inside seeing that Cas was shirtless. He gulped a little as he saw how skinny he was. He never realised that he had lost so many pounds and now looked like almost like a sceleton. He walked to his bed and gaze him a reassuring smile "What did the doctor say?" He asked him softly.
"Just asked me how I've been and basically, I'm staying here now. They're going to put a feeding tube in me to force feed me and hope that I can keep some food down." Castiel explained. "Staying here will make me last longer.." He said solemnly. "I guess this calls for another picture, right? Another chapter down.." Castiel offered a little smile at Dean.
Dean nodded to his words, feeling his heart clench at what he said. So he was going to live the end of his life here, he frowned for a second but then smiled briefly at him "Of course" he said and took the camera shooting another picture of them, with him leaning close to Cas and smiling lightly "What do you want to do now?"
"I want to read a book.. Let some time pass before the doctor does the procedure for the feeding-tube." Castiel announced and soon he was reading his favorite book - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. He didn't know why he liked it so much but he just loved the character development in it. Half an hour later, the nurses took his IV pole and his bed and wheeled him to a different room for the short procedure, Cas saying goodbye just before hand. "I'll be alright, grab yourself a coffee or something.." Castiel smiled up at Dean as he let go of Dean's hand and entered the procedure room.
Dean gulped at him and nodded, trying to make himself smile once again to make Cas better. He leaned on the wall once he was out of the room rubbing his face. After another month lived in the hospital, Dean knew that the end was coming. He could feel it, he could see it. He watched as Cas became even more paler and his cramps got worse. He was sleeping more and staying awake just for a couple of hours of a day. Dean was getting more desperate seeing that he could do nothing. He was now waiting for Cas to wake up and talk to him while he was still up.
Castiel shook awake as a nightmare plagued him and he looked around desperately. "Dean." Was the first thing he said as his breathing got faster. "Where am I?" He said urgently as he tried to get up but failed, forgetting how weak he felt now. "Dean what is this place?" He felt his chest grow tight as panic enveloped his head.
Dean bit his lip as he didn't even know where he was. It broke his heart every time when Cas looked so confused at him. "You're in a hospital, don't worry about it" He said softly and semi calmly to him "It's okay" he added and squeezed the hand he was holding "Don't be scared" He told him softly and leaned to kiss his forehead.
"Oh.. a hospital.." Castiel looked around still confused and his breathing started to slow down because he trusts Dean, he trusts Dean with his whole life and if Dean said that he was okay, then he was. "Dean, why am I in a hospital?" He asked, looking innocent. He had never been this confused before, it only signaled that things were getting worse. "And why does my stomach
Dean brushed his hair and closed his eyes for a second. He had never been asked something like this. He took a deep breath and wondered what to tell him. "Can't you remember, Cas?" He asked him softly praying that he was messing around with him and that he remembered. He bit his lip to blood once again thinking how much worse could the things get with him.
"Oh... Yeah.. How could I forget." Castiel said as he remembered for himself. "I don't know how I could forget things like that. Oh and that reminds me Dean.." He started and softly looked into Dean's eyes. "When I'm gone... Please don't come and visit me too early.. Don't end your life because of me.. Try and move on, continue hunting if you wish just.." He said holding Dean's hand. "Don't forget about me.."
Dean shook his head. he wanted to tell him that he wouldn't be gone. he wanted to tell him that he wouldn't die, but he couldn't... how could he when he saw him like that, wasted almost completely. He sighed a little and squeezed his hand and he felt his eyes water "I won't forget you Cas, you know I won't" he said and leaned to him softly, kissing his hand.
Castiel smiled. Then came July 22nd and it was nearly 3 o'clock in the morning. Castiel woke up, all the bones in his body all tired and spent, he had to breath through a mask now for the past couple of weeks and it strained his lungs but somehow, he just knew. It was tonight. "Dean.." He said weakly to Dean who suddenly woke up in the chair besides him. "Lay with me.." Castiel said as he turned his head slowly to look at the hunter.
Dean looked at him. His eyes were red and he hadn't left Cas' room for the last week. he wanted to be with him as much as he could, because he knew that the seven months were ending soon. Too soon for him to be ready. He nodded and lied down next to him wrapping his arms around him realising that once again had became skinnier "It will be okay, Cas" He whispered softly to him and kissed his cheek.
"You know I love you right?" He asked weakly, his chest and stomach pains were throbbing but slowly disappearing, he took that as a bad sign. "I'm scared Dean.." He whispered.
Dean nodded and kissed his forehead "I love you Cas. I always will love you" He said softly to him and pulled him closer to himself. "I know... I know you're scared but it's going to be okay, don't worry" He said quietly to him feeling his eyes water.
"Take one last picture Dean..." Castiel said, trying to get the camera but too weak to even lift his arm up fully and he gave up in the task. He waited till Dean lifted the camera that was trained on the both of them and in this photo, he didn't smile, it was the only photo in which he didn't smile, the last one. After it was put away, Cas shakily said.. "Tell me a story Dean.." Cas noticed that his heart was beating harder now.
"Of course my love" Dean said softly to him and pulled him close leaving the camera aside of them. He started talking his voice quiet as he was sure that something wasn't in it's right place. He knew that there was something more wrong than before. He told him about a boy that fell in love with the perfect angel and how they were happy together and loved each other forever.
"I like.. this story.. I think it's the best one.." Castiel smiled and gripped Dean's hand tight. "I love you Dean... I l-love.." He managed to say before his grip on Dean's hand lessened and became non-existent and Castiel took his last breath.
Dean shook his head as he stopped in the middle of the sentence, tears falling from his eyes "No, no, no, no, no Cas, no, please love." he said softly and held him close to his chest as possible "No, please don't die, please" He begged him as he kissed his head. "... I love you... please..."
And Castiel was gone. His last breath wasted and the monitor flat-lined next to the bed. His eyes were closed and his lips turned into a small smile as the last emotion he ever had was frozen on his face, the emotion of Dean's story. Now their photo album was complete and so was Cas's life as his body lay lifeless in Dean's protective hold.
That was it. I hope you liked it. Please leave me a review! I would love to hear what you think about this. And if you like it I might update something else too. ;)
Have a nice day
Love from me! ^^