THE DATING GAME - INTRO
This is my first fanfic, and I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so it's a little weird and not exactly too funny. Also, this is not a Survivor parody. It's based on the basic idea of the show, so don't flame me about being incorrect. Please review it when you're done!!!
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Lupin: Hi, and welcome to the first episode of the Dating Game. I'm your host, Professor Remus Lupin, and today, on this oh-so-cool first episode, we'll be introducing our five lucky (cough cough) contestants in just a moment, but first, I'm gonna tell you what they'll have to do. Our five "lucky" contestants will be stranded on a deserted island for 4 weeks, and the last person alive will win the grand prize (bet you didn't see that one coming). Now you all wanna know what the grand prize is, right? (enthusiastic applause in the background) Drum roll, please...A DATE WITH HARRY POTTER!!! (camera zooms over to Harry Potter, who's' gagged and tied to a chair and trying to escape) Oh, and all our contestants will get a nice t-shirt. So, now I'm going to interview our first participant, Miss Hermione Granger. So...
Hermione: Hi, I'm Hermione. Everyone thinks I have no social life, so I'm on this show to prove everyone that I'm not a know-it-all (several people snort rather loudly)! And I'd like a date with Harry Potter too, but of course, being on this show is also a perfect oppurtunity to study the...
Lupin: Anything else you wanna add?
Hermione: Well, I've been reading all about the island weeks before now, and so I know everything about it! There are grindylows in the shallow water surrounding the island (do I get extra credit in Defence Against the Dark Arts for that, Professor?). There's also a lot of plant life and stuff, and I'll talk about that later. Well, the island was first discovered in 1400, and...
Ten minutes later...
Hermione: ...and the last people to visit the island before us were...
Lupin: Stop! Stop! Shut up! I think we've all heard enough already (every except Hermione nods in agreement. Hermione sulks and sits on a box with a Blast-Ended Skrewt, which promptly explodes)
Lupin: Er, why don't we interview Miss Cho Chang now? So, how are you, Cho?
Cho Chang: I've been extremely unstable since my boyfriend, Cedric, was killed (sob)
Lupin: Sorry to hear that, Cho. But you don't think...
Cho Chang: (grabs the camera and shakes it) THE ENERGIZER BUNNY KILLED CEDRIC!!! I SWEAR, I SAW HIM DO IT!!! AND...
Lupin: You just killed our cameraman!!!
Cho Chang: (points at someone only she can see) IT'S THE ENERGIZER BUNNY!!! HE'S COME TO GET US!!! RUN! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!! (Cho runs away screaming...over a cliff)
Lupin: Er, don't worry, I think she's still alive. Our rescue crew will get her in a sec...um, how's Miss Patil doing over there?
Parvati: Not too good. (takes out an orb from her purse) I've been gazing into my crystal ball...
Lupin: EEEEEEEEEK!!!
Parvati: (looks shocked) Well, as I was saying, I've been gazing into my crystal ball, and I saw my aunt picking her nose while watching soap operas on tv...
Lupin: What does that have to do with the Dating Game?! (stares apprehensively at the crystal ball and starts screaming again)
Parvati: Well, obviously, my Divination skills will give me an extra edge in this tournament, as I can predict...
Lupin: Put the bloody thing-that-looks-like-a-moon away!!! Er, sorry about that...let's go over to Ginny now
Ginny: Hi Mom!
Lupin: Er...is there anything else you want to say?
Ginny: Do I have to?
Lupin: Of course you do! We're on international television here!
Ginny: okay...um, I love Colin Creevey, and I've been dating him for 3 years in secret now, and, er, I like Neville too
Lupin: Um...
Ginny: I'm not done yet! I LOVE HARRY POTTER AND I'M GONNA WIN THIS GAME SHOW 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY BOOKED OUR HONEYMOON IN ANTARTICA
WITH THE PENGUINS!!! Oh, and did I mention I have pics of Harry all over my room?
Lupin: Er, let's interview Mr. Creevey now. So, Colin, why did you decide to participate in this game show? It was meant for girls, you know...
Colin: Well, it's been my secret ambition to date Harry for years...
Lupin: WHAT?!
Colin: Er, did I say date? I mean, er, I'm trying to get a good photo-op with him!
Lupin: But can't you take photos of him anytime you want? I mean, you guys go to the same school!
Colin: Yes, but...
Lupin: Nevermind, nevermind...er, are you worried at all about the monsters we're putting on the island?
Colin: WHAT?! I thought all I had to do was sit on the beach and drink soda and hang out with the beach chicks!!!
Lupin: Like any beach chick would wanna hang out with you...
Colin: (gasp!) You mean even the hairy one wouldn't wanna...
Lupin: Yeah. Okay, now we're going introduce the hazards you'll be facing on the island. Don't worry, none of them are too deadly: Blast-Ended Skrewts, rats, a Hungarian Horntail, rats, Dementors, rats, Death Eaters, rats, a basilisk, rats, another basilisk, rats, a troll, rats, Lord Voldemort in his most powerful form, and, finally, rats. Oh, and I'll also be running around doing the commentary, but you can bet your knickers that I'll transform into a werewolf at least once during your jolly little stay on the island. And did I mention you're not allowed to have your wands? We're also providing you with some yummy free food
Hermione: What kind of food?
Lupin: Rats, what did you expect? We've already spent more than we were supposed to for this show, and rats were the only food on sale. And now, some words of advice from our expert on rat-eating, Sirius Black
Sirius: Okay, I'm going to be quick about this 'cause I have to go and release the rats before the game starts. So, here are some tips to make your rats taste better during your 4 week stay on the island. For breakfast, eat Rat Krispies with rat milk, for lunch, I'd say rat sushi should cut it, and dinner...er, roast some rats. Okay, that's it, now back to Remus
Lupin: Thanks, and now I'm going to take away everyone's wands and eat them to they can't use the Summoning Charm to get them back
(everyone hands their wands over and Lupin eats them)
Lupin: (burp) Okay, and now we're going to drop everyone into the ocean 100 miles away from the island, and the first thing they'll have to do is swim to it. Good luck, you'll need it!
(Hermione, Cho Chang, Ginny, Parvati, and Colin are pushed off the plane. Colin, with all this photo equipment, sinks to the bottom of the ocean while the Titanic song plays in the background)
TO BE CONTINUED
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related material is property of J.K Rowling, the Energizer Bunny belongs to Energizer, and some movie company owns Titanic...oh yeah, don't sue me, I only have a few quarters
This is my first fanfic, and I was in a weird mood when I wrote this, so it's a little weird and not exactly too funny. Also, this is not a Survivor parody. It's based on the basic idea of the show, so don't flame me about being incorrect. Please review it when you're done!!!
_______________________________________________________________
Lupin: Hi, and welcome to the first episode of the Dating Game. I'm your host, Professor Remus Lupin, and today, on this oh-so-cool first episode, we'll be introducing our five lucky (cough cough) contestants in just a moment, but first, I'm gonna tell you what they'll have to do. Our five "lucky" contestants will be stranded on a deserted island for 4 weeks, and the last person alive will win the grand prize (bet you didn't see that one coming). Now you all wanna know what the grand prize is, right? (enthusiastic applause in the background) Drum roll, please...A DATE WITH HARRY POTTER!!! (camera zooms over to Harry Potter, who's' gagged and tied to a chair and trying to escape) Oh, and all our contestants will get a nice t-shirt. So, now I'm going to interview our first participant, Miss Hermione Granger. So...
Hermione: Hi, I'm Hermione. Everyone thinks I have no social life, so I'm on this show to prove everyone that I'm not a know-it-all (several people snort rather loudly)! And I'd like a date with Harry Potter too, but of course, being on this show is also a perfect oppurtunity to study the...
Lupin: Anything else you wanna add?
Hermione: Well, I've been reading all about the island weeks before now, and so I know everything about it! There are grindylows in the shallow water surrounding the island (do I get extra credit in Defence Against the Dark Arts for that, Professor?). There's also a lot of plant life and stuff, and I'll talk about that later. Well, the island was first discovered in 1400, and...
Ten minutes later...
Hermione: ...and the last people to visit the island before us were...
Lupin: Stop! Stop! Shut up! I think we've all heard enough already (every except Hermione nods in agreement. Hermione sulks and sits on a box with a Blast-Ended Skrewt, which promptly explodes)
Lupin: Er, why don't we interview Miss Cho Chang now? So, how are you, Cho?
Cho Chang: I've been extremely unstable since my boyfriend, Cedric, was killed (sob)
Lupin: Sorry to hear that, Cho. But you don't think...
Cho Chang: (grabs the camera and shakes it) THE ENERGIZER BUNNY KILLED CEDRIC!!! I SWEAR, I SAW HIM DO IT!!! AND...
Lupin: You just killed our cameraman!!!
Cho Chang: (points at someone only she can see) IT'S THE ENERGIZER BUNNY!!! HE'S COME TO GET US!!! RUN! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!! (Cho runs away screaming...over a cliff)
Lupin: Er, don't worry, I think she's still alive. Our rescue crew will get her in a sec...um, how's Miss Patil doing over there?
Parvati: Not too good. (takes out an orb from her purse) I've been gazing into my crystal ball...
Lupin: EEEEEEEEEK!!!
Parvati: (looks shocked) Well, as I was saying, I've been gazing into my crystal ball, and I saw my aunt picking her nose while watching soap operas on tv...
Lupin: What does that have to do with the Dating Game?! (stares apprehensively at the crystal ball and starts screaming again)
Parvati: Well, obviously, my Divination skills will give me an extra edge in this tournament, as I can predict...
Lupin: Put the bloody thing-that-looks-like-a-moon away!!! Er, sorry about that...let's go over to Ginny now
Ginny: Hi Mom!
Lupin: Er...is there anything else you want to say?
Ginny: Do I have to?
Lupin: Of course you do! We're on international television here!
Ginny: okay...um, I love Colin Creevey, and I've been dating him for 3 years in secret now, and, er, I like Neville too
Lupin: Um...
Ginny: I'm not done yet! I LOVE HARRY POTTER AND I'M GONNA WIN THIS GAME SHOW 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY BOOKED OUR HONEYMOON IN ANTARTICA
WITH THE PENGUINS!!! Oh, and did I mention I have pics of Harry all over my room?
Lupin: Er, let's interview Mr. Creevey now. So, Colin, why did you decide to participate in this game show? It was meant for girls, you know...
Colin: Well, it's been my secret ambition to date Harry for years...
Lupin: WHAT?!
Colin: Er, did I say date? I mean, er, I'm trying to get a good photo-op with him!
Lupin: But can't you take photos of him anytime you want? I mean, you guys go to the same school!
Colin: Yes, but...
Lupin: Nevermind, nevermind...er, are you worried at all about the monsters we're putting on the island?
Colin: WHAT?! I thought all I had to do was sit on the beach and drink soda and hang out with the beach chicks!!!
Lupin: Like any beach chick would wanna hang out with you...
Colin: (gasp!) You mean even the hairy one wouldn't wanna...
Lupin: Yeah. Okay, now we're going introduce the hazards you'll be facing on the island. Don't worry, none of them are too deadly: Blast-Ended Skrewts, rats, a Hungarian Horntail, rats, Dementors, rats, Death Eaters, rats, a basilisk, rats, another basilisk, rats, a troll, rats, Lord Voldemort in his most powerful form, and, finally, rats. Oh, and I'll also be running around doing the commentary, but you can bet your knickers that I'll transform into a werewolf at least once during your jolly little stay on the island. And did I mention you're not allowed to have your wands? We're also providing you with some yummy free food
Hermione: What kind of food?
Lupin: Rats, what did you expect? We've already spent more than we were supposed to for this show, and rats were the only food on sale. And now, some words of advice from our expert on rat-eating, Sirius Black
Sirius: Okay, I'm going to be quick about this 'cause I have to go and release the rats before the game starts. So, here are some tips to make your rats taste better during your 4 week stay on the island. For breakfast, eat Rat Krispies with rat milk, for lunch, I'd say rat sushi should cut it, and dinner...er, roast some rats. Okay, that's it, now back to Remus
Lupin: Thanks, and now I'm going to take away everyone's wands and eat them to they can't use the Summoning Charm to get them back
(everyone hands their wands over and Lupin eats them)
Lupin: (burp) Okay, and now we're going to drop everyone into the ocean 100 miles away from the island, and the first thing they'll have to do is swim to it. Good luck, you'll need it!
(Hermione, Cho Chang, Ginny, Parvati, and Colin are pushed off the plane. Colin, with all this photo equipment, sinks to the bottom of the ocean while the Titanic song plays in the background)
TO BE CONTINUED
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related material is property of J.K Rowling, the Energizer Bunny belongs to Energizer, and some movie company owns Titanic...oh yeah, don't sue me, I only have a few quarters