Deceptions of Truth Saga
By: Strata-chan
Notice: Remember that this is a Fanfiction. Anything that is written in this story is not factual. Also, I do not own Digimon or any of the characters. By the way, Koushiro is 17 years old in this fic. Also, I have altered Koushiro's character a bit through the first part of this fic, but the warp will eventually go away….I think. Actually, this entire fic has warped the characters clear out of proportion from what they are on the series. Please take this into note. Also, I am not a Koushiro-hater. He's my favorite character, along with Jyou. Also, I plan on using the Japanese names because I can't stand what FoxKids has done to this wonderful series.
Another Note: This fic used to be called "Where Do I Belong", but that title was getting to me and it just didn't seem to fit the plot anymore. So, here's the new and improved title. Hopefully, it will attract more readers. ^_^
***
How long have I been on the move now? Has it truly been six years already? It's unbelievable how the time can fly past without a person noticing it at all. My name was once Koushiro Izumi, but even I don't know if that person exists anymore. That little kid that helped with explorations in the Digital World seems to be lost in the giant stream of time, and seven years has passed since that time. I can't even remember the others now. Moving around can do a number on a person's memory. Luckily, I have kept my high intellect, but I'm surprised. I guess keeping that trait is my driving force in life. My reason to be alive. That's what people have taken me for all of my existence and if I lose that, I don't know what I'd do. Humph. Some reason. What is a high IQ good for if you are responsible for the deaths of some of your own family members? Anyway, to stop the self-pity speech, this all started seven years ago when tragedy struck my home……
***
I had been sitting on my computer unit, like always, when my family received a phone call. Of course, being the aloof person that I was, I brushed it off as "another damned phone call that was predestined to interrupt my work." Why should I have to talk anyone? I was the "computer genius" and I didn't have to answer to any of these people. The computer screen then showed an "error" message and I ran my hands through my spiked hair and let out a load groan.
"Why can't this thing cooperate with me? I just got a new DSL connection and it's STILL not fast enough for these blasted people!" While I was hunched over the keyboard, I heard a load crash in the other room. I ignored it for a second, but then realized that there were muffled cries coming from behind my closed door. I rose from my seat and decided to investigate what had occurred. Opening the door, I found my mother on the floor, weeping with the phone clutched in her hand. She seemed really distressed, so I left my post of being behind the door and went over to try and comfort her…and get back to that download as soon as possible. Once I reached her, she was mumbling some incoherent speech patterns that I couldn't comprehend. That's when she spoke out.
"Why did this have to happen? What did we do to deserve this, Koushiro?" she asked as her sorrowful eyes looked up to meet mine. Tears were starting to brim over as she turned her view back down towards the phone clutched in her hands. I just rolled my eyes, thinking that this was just another female phase of life, and kneeled down to her level. I was never really good at dealing with emotional situations.
"What's the matter? Why did what happen?" I said with false empathy while I was really thinking about my failing computer connection that needed to be attended to. 'These things always take too damn long,' I thought as she faced me again.
"You know what this means? We'll have to leave here and find another place to live! I'll have to get a job and…why am I telling you this? You don't really care. All you are about is that blasted computer of yours," she snapped as she got up and placed the phone on the table. She gave me a look of malice and walked into her room, and sobs could be heard from behind the door as she shut it. I got up from my previous position and wandered back to my room, wondering why she had been so cruel to me. She had never acted with such hostility towards anyone before, let alone myself.
When I reached my desk, I discovered that the connection had terminated itself and that the computer had restarted itself due to the internal error it experienced earlier. I cursed at it and typed in the necessary password in order to start the automatic repair procedure. While I was waiting, I walked over to the window and stared at the birds flying by and the city down below. All that noise and pollution was a sharp contrast to the sky above, which seemed like it had turned a sapphire-blue. The beeping of my computer, which was telling me that the repair process was complete and that Windows was ready to start loading, interrupted my thoughts.
"Finally! That must have been some type of serious hard drive malfunction," I concluded as I typed in the required password to enter Windows and sighed as I waited for my wallpaper of Himura Kenshin to show up. That was the problem with computers. They give you too much time to think about yourself and what you have done wrong in life while they load the essential basics of in order to function. It's just you, your mind and……the machine's incessant beeping!
I found another error message appear as soon as the program was halfway loaded and decided that enough was enough. Hacking my way around the error, I found that a file was conflicting with the loading process. I cleared it off of the disk and connected to the Internet once again. When NBC.com appeared on my screen, I noticed a headline that hadn't been there a half-hour ago. It read, "Several People Killed at Local Tokyo Office". Being the curious person I was, I clicked on the link and viewed to document. I read that an office clerk had completely gone insane and demolished several offices and shot several people. I read the exact address and gasped in horror at what I saw. My curiosity banished, I read on only to discover a list of names of the people who had died at the scene.
I found it strange that a list of the dead had been released so soon, but who was I to argue? Reading down the list, I counted about twelve people, but I lost count when I read one name. San Izumi. My eyes widened and I feel out of my chair in denial. Reeling on the floor, I backed away from the computer with tears forming in my eyes.
"No. It can't be true! It's a lie!" I screamed out into the empty room. Now I knew why my mother had been crying earlier. How could I have been so cold? Why had I been so indifferent? I could have changed this! I could have changed everything if I hadn't been so eager to get things done when I wanted them to be completed. Now, I could never make up my mistake…
Earlier that day:
"Koushiro! Could you stop typing away on that thing for one second and come down here so we can go?"
"I'm almost finished! Let me finish this one thing!"
"I mean now, Koushiro! If you don't come here this instant young man, I'm going to have to cancel our little vacation for the day and go to work instead!"
"This'll only take a few more minutes! This download has been giving me problems all day and this is the first time that I have almost completed it!" I looked back at the screen and began typing in some commands on the screen for the computer to follow. It couldn't possibly mess up again with these instructions…
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps climbing the stairs to my room. At that point, an error message appeared on the screen and I reeled back in frustration. My dad then entered the room and tapped me on the shoulder.
"Now that it has failed again, are you going to get dressed so we can go?"
I turned around and rolled my chair back to the computer and began to type once again, not even noticing the hurt look on my father's face.
"Koushiro, the computer can wait, can't it? All I'm asking for is a little quality time. Is that too much to ask for out of…"
"Yes it is! You don't understand the importance of this file! How would you feel if you were in my shoes? Quality time can be done anytime, but THIS has to be done now!" I yelled back at him with a ferocity that I had only heard a few times in my life. I turned back to the now flickering screen and tried to work my way around the error, not even thinking about what I had just said and done.
"Whatever you want Koushiro. I'll just leave you alone," my father stated quietly as he walked out of the door was a tear running down his cheek. I didn't even notice that he had left, not realizing that would be the last encounter I ever had with him…
End of Flashback…
What would I have given to be able to relive that morning? To remove all of my foolish acts and not have him leave for work that morning? To not yell him for showing some care towards me…I got up off of the floor and began to sob when I reached my bed. I felt like just lying there and dying on the spot. I felt like a murderer and a traitor to my father….no…parents. Then the realization hit me. I had left my mother in her room and I hadn't heard any type of movement for a while. Fear gripped my heart as I cautiously left my room and slowly crept towards her room.
I hoped for the best as I entered her room. There was absolutely no sound in the area whatsoever. 'This is very bad' I thought as I stepped throughout the room. Not a single thing made a sound, besides my feet, while I maneuvered through several objects. The silence was then disturbed by a crashing sound in the background. I whipped my body around in fear, only to discover that a picture had fallen from its place on the bookshelf. Once reaching the fallen object, I picked it up and tears began to well up in my eyes and I didn't realize that my thumb had been cut in the process of holding the picture. It was of our family right after I returned from the Digital World. We had just arrived in America and my father insisted that he should take a picture of all of us in front of the Statue of Liberty. I smiled at the look on all our faces. My mother's eyes were widened in surprise because of me tripping over her feet. I was lying on the ground, smiling, forming a "peace" sign with my left hand and my father was trying desperately to pick me up before the camera went off.
'Looks like he was a little late' I thought as I gazed at the picture. More tears formed in my eyes when I realized how innocent I was back then. Not like now. I looked up for one second and then looked back down at the picture to discover that some type of red substance had been smeared all over the faces of my mother and father. My blood. I took my injured thumb away from the photograph and ran to the bathroom, but I never reached the cupboard.
While dashing into the room, I slipped on some sort of slippery substance. I fell almost immediately and hit my head on the door and then on the hard floor. Blackness surrounded me almost instantly.
***
"Koushiro…"
I stood up in a land of no light or nature. Taking a good look around, I shuddered at my surroundings.
'Black…there's nothing but blackness,' I thought as I turned in all directions. My mind became scattered as I began to panic. 'Okay Koushiro. There's nothing to fear here. Being scared of the dark is for babies…'
"Koushiro: the murderer."
I whipped around, trying to find the source of that eerie voice, but I found no one. "Wh-who's there? Show yourself," I yelled out in defiance, while trying to act like I had no fear of this strange voice.
"Murderer."
Tears started to form in my eyes once again as I collapsed onto the floor. "I'm not a murderer! I'm not! I can't be…there was nothing I could have done," I bewailed as my hands started to pound on the floor.
"You heartless murderer. Killer. Butcher. Assassin."
"No! I'm not any of those things! These are all lies!" I said as I curled into a ball. "It's just not…maybe I am…maybe I am a murderer. A cold, heartless man who has no purpose in life but to be useless to everyone."
"Murderer. Assassin. Killer. Heartless. Aloof. Cold. Indifferent. Cutthroat." A figure then appeared out of the darkness repeating this sequence over and over again. It was like a subliminal programming sequence that would be played to program a sleeping child. As the figure became clearer, I gasped.
"No…it can't be you…"
"But it is, Koushiro. You were cruel to me, therefore causing my death. Murderer. Assassin. Killer. Heartless. Aloof. Cold." Over and over again. Coming closer and closer and closer…
"Nooooo!!! Please stop! I didn't kill you, father! I didn't!"***
I awoke panting like I had been running for miles. Putting my hand behind my head, I noticed that there was something slick coated my hair. Removing my hand, I discovered that the mysterious substance was blood. At first, I thought it was my blood, but then I saw the trail of it running along the floor to the shower. I tried to take a closer look from where I was, but my vision was very fuzzy due to the fall I had. I crawled over to the shower and opened the door, only to discover the nearly dead form of my mother. There was blood everywhere. So much crimson flowing from her pale form. I reeled back in horror and scrambled to get up and away from her. I didn't even think about touching her in any manner. More proof of my coldness.
Murderer. Assassin. Killer. Heartless. Aloof. Cold. Indifferent. Cutthroat
. Those words kept repeating in my mind as I picked up the phone and frantically dialed the emergency service number."Emergency services. What is your emergency?"
"Oh m gods…I-I…no…this can't be happening to me!"
"Please tell us your location and emergency please."
"I-I..I don't know if I can.." My mind went blank. There wasn't anything I could say to make this situation any better.
"We cannot help you if you refuse to tell…"
"I know damn it! You really want to know? My father was shot today and my mother is lying in the shower with blood flowing profusely out of her body! There! Are you happy?" What was happening to me? I had become a monster whose rage could be unleashed at anytime without warning. I felt like shooting myself. Murderer. Assassin…
"Your location, please."
I had had enough of that game. I then screamed into the phone with all of my might. "Why don't you use your damn tracking devices? Hmm? I know you have them! It's just like you people to be so damned cold at times like this!" 'Heartless. Aloof. Cold. Indifferent.' I then hung up the phone and ran out as fast as I could. I didn't realize that I was completely covered in blood.
I ran down the street. My tears were mingling with the blood on my face, causing two streams of red to form. I had to get to someone. Someone had to help me. Taichi lived nearby, so I decided to try him first. 'Humph. Like he would help anyone. Him and his soccer tournaments. He's probably off in some foreign country with the rest of his family. Murderer. Assassin. Deserter. Traitor.
Once I reached the building complex my ex-leader lived in, I only thought about reaching Taichi and nothing else. I didn't even notice the stares I was receiving as I made my way up the steps. Reaching his door was like the sensation a Gladiator must have felt after a seemingly impossible victory over the odds. I pounded for what seemed like hours, but there was no response. Slowly sliding down the door, I began to cry for the sheer release of doing so. All I wished for was death at that point, but what good would that do? I'd just end up in the hells for life after life on this Earth.
I then heard footsteps from behind me and assumed that someone was coming after me. To punish me for my wrongs. Forcing my battered body to get up, I ran blindly down the steps that I came up on. My vision swam with swirls of color, but I had to keep running. Running from my fate. Murderer. Traitor. Coldhearted. Aloof. Assassin. I gripped my hair in an attempt to rid myself of these thoughts, but they just would not leave me. I kept running on and on until I reached an empty alley. It was beginning to get dark and all I could do was find some soft trash bags to lay on for the night.
'Koushiro, the computer genius, reduced to sleeping in garbage,' I thought resentfully as I found a good and soft pile of rubbish to rest on. I then fell into a troubled sleep.
***
"Murderer. Assassin. Killer. Traitor. Deserter. Heartless. Aloof. Cold.""Oh give it up already." I said to the 'spirit' of my father. I thought that by giving in, maybe it would make all the torture stop.
"You killed your other parents too, Koushiro. They died because of you."
My eyes widened in disbelief. "That's not true! I was a small child when they perished! I didn't do anything…"
"Yes you did. Remember that car accident? Well, you caused it." The spirit appeared once again and looked at me with a scornful look in its eyes.
"Tell me then. How did I kill them?" I had been so confident then. Too bad that the coming explanation made too much sense to be a calumny.
The phantom smirked at me and looked like he was debating whether or not to tell me what I wanted to know. An internal battle of sorts if you wish to put it in those terms, only the battle was not good against evil. It was like it knew of the "Catch 22" phrase. I was damned if I knew and damned if I didn't.
"Tell me!" I demanded "What else do I have to lose. I am already a murderer, am I not?"
The figure then laughed and turned to face me. It wafted over to where I stood and forcefully grabbed my chin and pulled me close to its face. Negative feelings then swirled around my psyche and a cold wind brewed around that area. It was like being around death itself. That's when the subliminal messages became overwhelming. 'Assassin. Murderer. Cold. Aloof. Traitor.' Continued chants played in my head. I cringed to my knees, holding my hands over my ears in an effort to rid my brain of this intense barrage of thoughts. Just then, all went silent in my head. I opened my eyes to stare at a pond of tears right below my face. Looking up, with my hands still over my ears, I saw that the spirit had migrated several feet away from me and was smirking with glee at my pain.
"You truly wish to know, Koushiro? I'll tell you then. I don't care whether you move on from this point or become a wreck of what once had the potential to be a great man."
Thinking of not better response, I retorted sarcastically, "How kind of you. Your sympathy touches me."
"Insolent fool. When you were young, your REAL parents decided that it was a great day for a car ride. There was no purpose in this trip whatsoever. They thought that you needed to get out of the house for a little while, since you had been ill and in bed for the past two weeks. Everyone was just one big happy family until the accident occurred. Your mother placed you in her lap and while your dad was driving, you found the gearshift quite interesting. Your greedy hand reached out and grabbed it. Your mother and father both told you to let go, but you refused to obey them. Your fingers wrapped around the entire upper half and you began to shake it vigorously. They screamed and hollered, but you still continued. Then, the car engine began to smoke the most putrid black haze and it filled the entire compartment. You began crying, but your hands still remained on the shift. Your hands caused it to move one last time and that was it. The vehicle's engine burst into flames and the car began to careen from side to side on the road. It slammed into two other vehicles and then hit the railing on the side of the road. Your mother shielded you from most of the impact, therefore causing her to have severe internal damage. Your father was thrown from the vehicle and landed several meters away. He died instantly. You must be asking why you did not perish in the fire? A brave civilian helped you on that point. He walked up to the open window and pulled you and your mother from the vehicle. That's when the explosion occurred. The blast was so powerful that it knocked you, the civilian and your mother back at least 5 meters. That's how your mother died. Miraculously, you landed on a bush, therefore causing your injuries to be minor. Well, that's it! That's how you killed your parents as a toddler and lived to hear about it."
My confidence within myself had now been shattered in one simple explanation that took less than three minutes to say. Shock had taken over my being and my mind was a jumble of thoughts. I WAS a murderer. I had killed everyone that was close to me and I brought misfortune to those that I encountered as well. I was a murderer, a traitor, and a cold-hearted person. I couldn't believe it, but I was! Backing away from the ghost in horror, I felt a darkness creep around my heart. There was no one to save me. No one to care about this poor soul that had been tormented beyond any human tolerance.
'Murderer.' No. 'Assassin.' It can't be. 'Traitor' I'm not! 'Deserter!' It wasn't my fault! 'Cold-hearted!' No! It can't be! It just can't be!
***
I awoke to the sun's rays shining onto my face, which was now covered in a mix of sweat and garbage slime. Slime. That word is perfect for what I felt like I was. I had KILLED both of my families. Both! Only serial killers perform that kind of feat.
I looked up into the sky and allowed my dull eyes to view something beautiful. I had once cared about the sky, but now, it just seemed useless. "How can I ask anyone for help now? Who is going to help an aloof murderer like myself? Not even Mimi would stand for it." I hung my head as I forced my bruised and battered body to move. My vision was still swimming a little, but it was nothing to keep me from moving on. All I knew is that I had to run. Run away from this place and never be heard from again.
***
That leads me to right now. These events took place six years ago, when I was 11 years old. An innocent….no…..I was guilty of murder from the time I was two years old. How cruel of a fate is that. I really don't know what I'm going to do next. The others probably feel that I am dead. I deem myself to be that way. I'm just a shell of my former being. Like my "friends" would care anyway. At least they don't have to bother with me in their lives now. Making everything to "technological" or "complicated" for them. I just hope that I can find somewhere to be. A place where I can be myself without being ridiculed. Without being pushed around. Where do I belong!?
***
Here's this annoying note again that was at the top of this chapter. This fic used to be called, "Where Do I Belong", but that title was seriously getting to me. As the plot progressed, the name "Deceptions of Truth" seemed more suited for this plot line. Please review this fic and I'll be a very happy authoress if you do. ^_^