A/N: This is my own little adventure away from the seriousness of my previous story. I am trying to include common character/scenario cliches that have been repeatedly popping up all over Twilight fanfic land. If there's anything you'd like me to include let me know!
Edit: I'm not trying to personally attack anyone, or anyone's previous work. I too have been extrodinarily guilty of falling into fanfic cliches (See my other story if you want proof). In fact, I think when written well they can make for some good stories. Its just funny to me when its put all together in one story. That's all. No harm meant. I promise!
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Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or the books or the places. Stephenie Meyer does but I wish I did. I'm going to write about them so don't sue me. I have to deal with not creating these people, but I'm having a hard time with it. -sobs quietly to herself-
---In the meadow---
BELLA POV
I can't believe we are going to tell Charlie we're getting married. All I really want to do is get on with the ceremony so I can get it on with my sexy vampire. He looks so fine, all sparkly like he is, in his little wife beater top and jeans molded to his butt. But I can't help but wonder why he looks so sad…
EDWARD POV
Woe is me. Bella wants to be a vampire. Maybe I should leave again. That would solve everything. But she almost killed herself after last time so maybe its not a good idea. I don't know what I should do. I have no soul…argh.
---A few minutes later---
BELLA POV
We pulled up to Charlie's house. I wondered if maybe we could sneak past Charlie and make it upstairs so we could have some quality alone time.
Charlie's voice drifted to us from the living room. "Bella? You home?"
I sighed, knowing that I'd have to delay groping my eternal love for at least a few minutes. "Yes its us." I ambled into the TV room, knowing that we'd have to get this over with sooner or later. I was a bit confused with what I saw on TV. It looked like guys with brooms manically sweeping the ice. "What are you watching Dad?"
Charlie spared me a quick glance. "Its curling. It's a sport. I love all sports. Grunt. Do you want to go fishing?" His gaze returned back to the TV.
"Uh, no. Thanks though. There's something Edward and I want to tell you though."
Charlie leaped off the couch, his face turning a violent shade of magenta. "You're pregnant! I knew it! I knew that sex talk wouldn't work! All you seem to think about these days is making out with him! I hate you Edward! I shake my fist at you!" He started jumping up and down, waving his fists frantically over his head. Suddenly, he was pulling his gun out of his belt and started firing shots at Edward screaming, "Die, Die, Die!!!"
I sighed, once again thinking of escaping to my room for some luvin'. "No Dad. I'm not pregnant. We're getting married." I wiggled my ring finger in his direction, peeking at Edward. He looked morose.
"Its ok, Chief Swan. I won't ever let anything happen to her. I'll never hurt her again. Nnnnnnneeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr…..."
Charlie looked completely pacified and tucked his gun away. "Oh, in that case, you two are perfect for each other. Your love runs deep. Somehow I know that you will be together for all eternity. He completes you. I've never seen you so happy. I'm glad you found someone so handsome. You guys will make it. Come give your Dad a hug Bells."
"No thanks Dad. Well that was easier than I thought. Will you walk me down the aisle?"
Charlie instantly started sobbing.
"What's the matter Chief Swan? Are you crying?!" Edward was starting to looking nervous.
"Yes, no. I don't know. I'm a man of few words, er, few emotions. Or is it many? I don't know anymore. Ooooh, wait. I thought of a perfect song for this!"
Charlie was confusing me more by the minute. "I didn't know you sang."
"I didn't think so either, but I haven't been myself lately." With that he started crying again. After taking a moment to compose himself he burst out into song, "Come on in boy sit on down
And tell me about yourself
So you like my daughter do you now?
Yeah we think she's something else
She's her daddy's girl
Her momma's world
She deserves respect
That's what she'll get
Now ain't it son?
Y'all go out and have some fun
I'll see you when you get back
Probably be up all night
Still cleanin' this gun."
Edward was looking positively frightened now. If all this continued, I will never be able to get him upstairs and out of that hot wife beater "Um, that was interesting, Dad. Thanks. Are you sure you don't need medication or a therapist or something?"
"No! Now get this daughter stealing impregnating monster out of my sight! But really, you two are perfect for each other. I can see your love enveloping you. Now, what was I doing? Oh yeah, sports. Grunt. Fishing."
I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him toward my bedroom...finally.
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So that's it. Worthwhile or not? I have more.
If you're curious Charlie's song is Cleaning This Gun by Rodney Atkins.