Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem (or Death Note, or Discworld, or any sort of cameos to be found in here), but I sure love messing with inside jokes!
ololo anyways this should be around three to five chapters of pure crystallized crack.
I swear I'm not on anything. I swear in the name of chocolate-coated peanuts. Also, beware of spoilers!
'o'o'
Short Prologue is Short- Give Me that Heron
Once upon a time, there happened something in a land far away, as most all stories must start. It is a rather traditional rule of course, for stories to begin in this manner. There must be some incident or event of good and evil taking place in a type of dimension much different than ours. This is no exception.
Or, perhaps not.
This land was called Tellius, which was, rather, the only continent left on the world. This was the result of a catastrophic disaster; the flooding and sinking of all of the other continents caused by a dark god (see: Yune) who in actuality wasn't a dark god but the citizens believed it anyway (see: the dark dragon king is a douche). After all, it would be utter blasphemy if they didn't, though the real story was that Yune had eaten one too many Snickers, causing her powers to go haywire. Since she couldn't control her Goddess energies, her Powers of Chaos caused everything save Tellius to be flushed down the big toilet of the ocean. This is why Tellius is also known as, 'the gargantuan object that clogged the seas' privy'.
And in it, in the sky, were wyvern riders from the wrong nation. They came from Begnion, and were in Crimean skies. It was like taking a puzzle piece and trying to put it in the wrong place. It just would not fit, no matter how frustratingly hard you tried to make it that way.
And, thus, their queen, Elincia (see: former mary-sue turned a new leaf) was utterly pissed. She and her beloved friend, the horribly pink-haired Marcia, intended to put a stop to this problem and smash the flies that decided to trespass in their skies.
Meanwhile, the reason why the dragon riders came in the first place opened it's eyes: the beautiful and highly vulnerable princess Leanne was being escorted by the elderly raven (see: record-breaker for 'the oldest crow ever to live in the whole world') Nealuchi to Crimea. It was later discovered that the reason for this was that they wished to speak with Ike, who disappeared prior to Crimea's (not really) restoration (see: after Elincia and Ike broke up).
"You'll never get your hands on Leanne!" Shouted Nealuchi to the ugly generic boss that revealed his presence before them. He changed forms right when Elincia and Marcia arrived. The boss-man on the wyvern laughed a rather loud, obnoxious, booming laugh. This made Leanne retreat behind Nealuchi, in a white, fluffy cloud, because she was innocent like that.
"Ha ha ha," said Boss-man, "Of course I will! Ha ha ha! She will fetch a great price, ha ha ha! Herons are prized and rare, so of course she will! Ha ha--"
"Shut the hell up, you douchebag," yelled Marcia a distance away.
This offended the commander Boss-man, starting a skirmish, which is rather common in Fire Emblem. Haar, the cool eyepatch-wearing dracoknight we all know and love, appeared moments afterward. He did this because Marcia, Elincia, and Nealuchi all didn't have enough strength to kill Boss-man on the dragon. Leanne, needless to say, had no strength at all. Nope. Not even a trace of a strength growth.
Unfortunately, while everyone else all had their backs turned to watch Haar appear in view, Leanne was taken away.
"You shit ass bastard, if you rape me, I swear my brother will use the forbidden magic to send you all to hell!" The heron princess shouted in ancient tongue. No one understood her.
"Leanne! No!" Elincia shouted in despair. She wept; the Senators of Crimea had almost driven her to before, so she held it in. The other three rushed to comfort the distraught queen.
'o'o'
Boss-man and all of his comrades promptly had mysterious heart attacks while in the sky. Leanne had been fainted, thus she fell out of the air into the dirt somewhere near a Crimean renegade meeting. General Luvdeck who led said meeting captured her.
"I could use a spare heron," he said evilly to himself.
"Shit," Leanne muttered in Old Tongue an hour after waking up.
--/--