Hawke was seated in her study, lounging in front of the fire. She had been drinking as she read one of Varric's novels, waiting for Anders to arrive. They had promised earlier at the Hanged Man that he'd visit in the evening. Her companions had been there, Varric and Isabella had given her curious looks. It'd been three years since Fenris had left her and she had grown closer to Anders. Hawke tried to keep it subtle so not to gain the attention of Varric to avoid gossip. She didn't quite know how she felt yet about the man, but she wanted to give him a chance. Longing after Fenris did her no good, she wanted to move on. Setting down her book on a nearby table, Hawke stood up and pushed away her thoughts. She tried to avoid thinking of her old lover, not wanting to relive the pain of him leaving.
Hawke checked the time. It was still early, just barely starting to get dark out. A walk would be nice, sober up a bit before Anders gets here, She thought. Hawke left her estate, telling Bodan she wouldn't be gone long, and started wandering around Hightown. The streets were mostly empty, the nobles probably at various parties and grand affairs at this time of night. Hawke took pleasure in the silence as she walked. It seemed that quiet times in Kirkwall were rare and she intended to take advantage of the calm while it lasted. She was sure tomorrow she'd have a pile of other people's problems to solve.
Thoughtlessly, Hawked had made her way to the stairs that led to the part of Hightown that Fenris resided. Hawke could feel her cheeks turn pink. Even after all this time her body knew where she wanted to go the most. She quickly turned to make her way back home, obviously not being able to trust where her feet led her tonight.
"Hawke?" A voice called behind her. Hawke paused and turned back around reluctantly. She didn't expect to actually run into him on her walk. Maker, why must you be so cruel? She cursed to herself. At the top of the stairs was Fenris, curiously peering down at her. "What are you doing here so late?" He asked, coming down the stairs towards her.
"I, um, just an evening walk." She said. "The weather is, well, nice." She glanced around nervously as he got closer.
"Indeed, it's a fine evening." He said, a small hint of humor in his tone. Hawke turned to look at the wall of the building they stood by, trying to hide her embarrassment behind her bangs. He could tell she was a bit flustered. "Have you been drinking, Hawke? Your cheeks a bit red."
"I had a couple glasses of wine." She admitted, looking at him. Maybe he can't tell. Maybe he'll just think it's the drink. "Were you on your way to the Hanged Man?"
"I… Yes, I was going to see if Varric would play some Wicked Grace." Fenris said hesitantly. "Would you like to come and join us?" He asked, almost eagerly. Hawke gave him a funny look.
"I can't.. I'm meeting Anders soon…" She said quietly.
"I know." Fenris said, something changing in his eyes as he gazed at her.
"You know? Then… Why invite me?" Hawked asked, confused.
"I've seen the way he looks at you Hawke, I know he fancies you." He said, disdain apparent in his voice. "He doesn't deserve you." Hawke had no words. He had noticed her and Anders? Whenever they were all together Fenris always seemed so occupied with one thing or another, she didn't think he paid any attention. "Don't meet with him Hawke. He's no good."
"Fenris…" Hawke sighed. "Who I'm with doesn't concern you. I can do as I please." She tried to sound stern, but she couldn't keep his gaze and looked away again.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt." He stated.
"You don't want to see me get hurt?" She repeated. Anger welled up inside of her and she glared at him. "Really Fenris? You think that you, of all people, have any right to say that to me?!" The irony of his words made her laugh bitterly. "After you broke my heart and so easily left?"
"Easily?" Fenris growled, returning her glare. "You think walking away from you was easy?"
"Well, it had to have been, otherwise you wouldn't have done it!" She yelled. All her feelings from over the years were spilling out and she didn't know how to stop it. "Once things got rough you just ran away! Just like you always do, you coward!" Once the words slipped off her tongue, Hawke immediately regretted them. She took a step back. "Fenris… I…" His expression made her trail off and purse her lips.
"Do you think you were the only one hurt, Hawke?" He asked, his voice low, and angry. "Do you think watching you and Anders flirt while I still can't get you out of my head was anywhere near happiness?" Fenris took a step towards her. "Do you think watching the only person you let yourself completely trust fall in love with another when your heart still longed for them was anything other than pain?"
"You… Still long for me…?" Hawked asked hesitantly, her angry quickly fading into confusion. Her heart was racing. She didn't think Fenris had any feelings left for her, especially not after all this time.
"There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret leaving." He stated ruefully, yet anger still lingered in his voice. "I was determined to let you go, to not interfere should you find someone to fall in love with." He stepped closer til his face was inches from hers. Hawke backed up, bumping into a wall. Fenris being angry was nothing new to her. The burning look in his emerald eyes as he stared at her was new however. It was intimidating, yet also made her heart flutter.
"It's… It's too late Fenris." Hawke managed to say quietly. " I'm trying to move on, and I can't just toss aside Anders." Fenris' expression darkened. "I… I've already chosen to forget you.."
"I will not let you be taken away by that mage." He growled. "He is dangerous and he cannot make you happy."
"You don't know that.." Hawke said softly. "He's been so sweet to me. When I'm with him, I can finally stop thinking about you."
"So you're just using him as a distraction?" Fenris asked, moving closer til there was hardly any distance between them. "Do you even love him Hawke?" She turned her face away from him, not saying anything. He slightly bent down, grabbing her chin and making her look back up at him. He gazed into her eyes, full of determination as he searched hers for answers.
"I… I can. I will learn to love him." She whispered, biting on her bottom lip.
"If you do not love him at all, then I will not let him have you." Fenris growled. Closing what little distance was between them, he claimed her lips as he fiercely kissed her. Hawke let out a small gasp. He slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her away from the wall. His hand moving up to gently cup her cheek, keeping her lips to his. Her hands were pressed against his chestplate, the metal cold against her skin.
Hawke felt her chest swell with emotion, she felt dizzy though the world was standing still. The way Fenris moved his lips against hers took her breath away. Though she knew she should pull away, she couldn't. She melted into his kiss. This had been what was missing these past few years.
The kiss was deep, and firm. Yet held a tenderness, a familiarity of passion even after all this time. His lips were smooth against hers, feeling the occasional wet, light sweep of his tongue against her bottom lip. An invitation, however the intensity of the kiss was making her knees weak. Hawke pulled away to try and catch her breath, her cheeks warm.
"Fenris…" Hawke whispered, nearly collapsing as he stared at her. Desire burned in his eyes, as he slid his other arm around her waist.
"Don't go to him Hawke." He murmured. He didn't let her answer before kissing her again. Hawke sighed against his lips as she gave in and wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss once more. This time when she felt his tongue at her lips she gladly parted them, allowing him further access.
Their lips were locked as a heated, wet duel for dominance started. Their tongues coiled around each other, Hawke's fight weakening after a moment. Sighing softly through her nose, she let Fenris take the lead. He explored the familiar territory, making Hawke let out a muffled moan. It wasn't long before they had to break apart for air, the kiss leaving them both softly panting.
Fenris gave her a smirk, obviously feeling like he had won. "Hawke.." He murmured, moving his hand to her hips. Hawke knew from his expression what would come next and she wanted it. She wanted him to embrace her. As he leaned in to kiss her again, she remembered where they were. She pushed Fenris away, taking a step back. Anders was still going to show up at her place anytime now as well. What am I doing?
"This is wrong…" Hawke whispered, trying not to notice the hurt in Fenris' eyes. "I shouldn't have… I have to go.."
"Don't go. Hawke, please." Fenris pleaded, reaching for her hand. She pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself.
"Goodbye Fenris." She said. It was her turn to walk away from him, and her heart broke more with each step she took. He called after her, but she only quickened her pace till she was home. Rushing past Bodan and Sandal, she told Bodan that he was to turn away any visitors. She ignored the confused and worried look he gave her and locked herself in her room. Hawke crawled into bed, hugging her pillow tightly. Fenris had confused her, shaken her up, so badly she didn't think she would be able to face either him or Anders anytime soon.