This is a push for Daryl & Carol from the Walking Dead. I am not a writer. I am an accountant. I know there are are plenty of errors. I am only doing this for my enjoyment and hopefully some of yours. I am complete obsessed with this couple and this show and just want to pass the time between the next shows. Enjoy! :)
The title of the story refers to a song by Nickelback. The words of the song fit this couple perfectly. Check it out while reading!
Trying Not To Love You
The prison was oddly quite this morning. Carol had been fighting nightmares for the last few hours or so and yearned to hear someone else up and about so she could get up and start the day without disturbing the others.
She hadn't slept well for the last few days. Since the news Rick had delivered about Daryl. He wasn't coming back. He had chosen to head off to God knows where with his brother and she couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again. She had cried herself to sleep for what felt like weeks but had only been a few short days now. She knew the decision could not have been an easy one for Daryl. His hardened and damaged exterior had softened so much over the last year since he had been with the group. She knew the walls he had built up so high were starting to come down. Now she just couldn't understand and accept it that he was gone and probably would never return.
A single tear slid town her cheek to the pillow before she heard Judith begin to fuss. She waited for Beth's feet to begin to shuffle across the floor before she rose from her cot and made her way to the mess hall. The two women greeted each other with a silent smile and a nod, trying to keep quite for the few others that still slept.
She didn't feel much like eating anything this morning. Her stomach was still upset from the nightmares last night and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep anything down. She needed to do laundry today as it had been a few days since she had tended to her daily chores. All she wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. And grieve for yet another loss in her life. It was becoming harder and harder to live through the motions of her daily life. Daryl had been a ray of hope and light in her life until three days ago and it all came crashing down again.
Carol knew she was valuable to the group. She cared for all of them deeply. She knew they needed her as much as she needed them. She was trying so hard to keep from slipping any further into the dark abyss of her mind. As she gathered the laundry she thought perhaps if she spent some time with Judith this morning, her mood and spirit might lift a bit. The sweet little baby girl had no idea of the life she was born into. A life without a mother and a father that was teetering on the brink of insanity, with good reason. As she cradled the baby she began to rock her in her arms and the tension seemed to lift slightly from her shoulders.
Carol smiled down into her angelic face when she heard the first shot echo off the prison walls. Then two more until they were coming so fast she didn't know from what direction or from whom they were coming from. She jumped up and quickly tucked Judith into her make shift crib and hid her underneath her cot. She ran through the hallways until she burst out into the sunlight onto the walkway above the prison yard, quickly falling to her stomach as the bullets are whizzing by her ears. She fired at the stranger in the guard shack for what felt like hours. She could see Maggie and Carl but no one else. She could hear Rick yelling at Hershel to take cover, but she was unable to see either of them. She thought to herself, where was Glenn? And Beth? She didn't have time now to worry. She had to fight. They had the fight of their lives in front of them. The battle continued on for what felt like an eternity. Slowly the shots began to lesson more and more and she remained completely quite for several minutes after the last shot was fired. She was terrified to raise her head. Terrified that they were all gone. All dead. The tears began to well up in her eyes when she heard Maggie call out her name. She tried to call back but it only came out in a hoarse whisper. She scrambled to her knees and up to her feet and scrambled quickly to the steps. She ran into the waiting arms of Carl and Maggie as the others began to join them. They stared through the prison fences to the three figures standing on the other side. Carols heart fluttered in her chest. Was that Daryl?
It took several hours to clear the yard of all of the walkers. So many walkers. Carol did her part to help the others while keeping her eye on Daryl as best she could. They had yet to make eye contact but Carol was sure everyone could feel the tension between the two of them. They were finally able to slide the gates open to allow the men inside. As they stumbled forward in exhaustion, she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms but she knew now wasn't the time. As Daryl approached her he stopped in front of her but said nothing. He looked into her eyes hoping she could feel the message he was trying to send to her. Carol felt him pressing something into her hand and looked down to find her red scarf wrapped around his fist. She took the scarf from his bloody hand as he gave her another pleading stare.
As the group made there way inside to shower and rest they seemed too exhausted and stunned to speak. Carol headed for Judith to check and make sure she was ok. Judith lay sleeping peacefully; completely unaware of the war they had just battled. Carol took her to the steps and slumped down in complete exhaustion. This was how Rick found them several hours later.
"I can't thank you enough for looking after her Carol. And Carl too. It means more than you will ever know"
"No need to thank me Rick. I never thought I would get to take care of a baby again after my sweet Sophia. I love her. We have all grown to love her" as her voice trailed off in a whisper.
Rick reached down and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Why don't you let me take her for a while? I think someone would like a word with you." Carol peered up to look at Rick and followed his eyes up to the top of the stairs. Daryl. There sat her Daryl with his elbows resting on his knees peering down at her. He nodded a silent thank you to Rick as he rose and headed to the bunk in his cell. He sat with the wall to his back and waited for her to appear.
Carols knees were wobbling from her nerves as she slowly turned the corner and met his gaze. She had prayed for this exact moment hundreds of times over the last few days. There gazes never broke as she headed inside. They said no words as he scooted his legs over in the bunk, offering her a place to sit. The gaze only broke when he looked down into her hands to find her red scarf, freshly laundered and folded. She reached in toward him and his finger tips touched her hand and it felt like tiny lightening bolts hitting all over her body. She had yearned for his touch for so long.
"Ya know this is the only thing that kept me going while you were lost in the tunnels. And over the last four days too. It smells like you. I would lie down at night out in that forest and I would hold it under my nose hoping to catch a whiff of you."
Carol closed her eyes. She had longer to hear him say those words. Any endearing words from this man that she had somehow fallen in love with. This man had taught her so much about herself. Taught her how to defend herself and how to stand up for herself. She wasn't sure when she had fallen in love with him, but she had. She fought the fear that he would never feel the same about her but his words now gave her hope that he might. She could feel his eyes burning into her and couldn't help a blush from creeping up her cheeks to her ears.
"Why Daryl?"
"Why what?"
"Why would you leave? After all we had been through together? We were family. We are family."
He finally broke the embrace as he rung her scarf in his hands while looking down at the prison floor. He wanted to choose his words wisely as to no hurt her anymore than he already had.
"He's my brother Carol. He's blood."
"I know he's your brother Daryl, but he's not good for you."
Daryl knew she was right. Merle was selfish and simple minded. He played the victim. Everyone owed him for something. He was rude and mean, but Merle was his brother. His blood.
"Being a part of this group has changed you. It's made you a stronger person. A valuable asset to this group. We need you. I need you Daryl."
This snapped his head back up to look into her eyes. "I need you guys too. All of you."
Carol made a move to get up but his arm shot out like a striking snake to grab her wrist. "I need you more than anyone."
She let herself fall back down to the cot as she felt him pull her back towards him to rest her back against his chest. She could feel his breath on her ear. She closed her eyes and entwined her arms into his. She completely let herself go and hadn't felt this safe in 20 years at least.
"Please don't ever leave me again. I can't survive without you. Every time you leave, you take a piece of me with you. I would rather be with you out there, then without you in here."
Daryl sat upright while turning her toward him. "I promise." She reached up to cup his cheek in her hand and draw his lips closer to hers. They met in a soft kiss at first that intensified the longer it went with there tongues seemingly dancing together. They only broke to catch their breath, not wanting the moment to end. "I want to make love to you" he grumbled as her heart flipped inside her chest. She knew he could feel it beating against his chest just as she could feel his growing manhood.
"No. Not tonight Daryl."
His eyes flew open as the kiss broke apart.
"You need rest. We have no idea when or if those maniacs will come back. Could you handle another battle like the one we fought again? Tonight if need be?"
He knew she was right. Be he longed for this night to continue and longed to feel himself inside her. He moaned with not only disappointment but with the pain he was fighting in his pants.
"Stay with me at least? Here in my bed. I just want to hold you and feel you against me. I promise I'll behave" he said with a grin.
She smiled into his eyes and reached for the blanket at the foot of the bed. They both slid down into the cot together wrapping arms and limbs around each other. As she drifted off to sleep she thought she heard a faint whisper from his lips. "I love you"