This is more of an experiment, to see if I can put all the emotions Tom Hiddleston expressed during this scene in words. Really, he deserves an Oscar or something for this performance. I can't imagine a better Loki-he is Loki.
Is there any doubt as to why he's one of my favourite actors?
*crickets chirp*
I thought so.
Gods, why the Hades am I posting all this father-son angst just after Fathers' Day? What is wrong with me?
DISCLAIMERS:
I do not own the movie or dialogue of 'Thor'.
I do not own the song 'Monster' by Meg and Dia.
The artwork in the cover belongs to scampicrevette from deviantart.
His little whispers-love me, love me...
"Am I cursed?"
But he knew the answer before Odin could say anything. His only curse was being born-being born a frost giant. Being born a...a...
"What am I?" he whispered. Odin looked at him, pained.
"You're my son."
Lies. "What more than that?" He didn't want to hear it, he didn't want to hear it...
"In the aftermath of the battle I went into the temple and I found a baby. Small for a Giant's offspring, abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son."
In that moment, he knew that...creatures like him had a heart, too-because his shattered into a thousand pieces.
"Laufeyson?" Not Odinson. Laufeyson. His father had been nothing more than a lie, and the man whose blood ran through his cold, blue Frost Giant veins wanted him no more than fath-than Odin did.
That's all I ask for, love me, love me...
"No. You took me for a purpose. What was it?" He wanted to know, he desperately hoped that the man he had grown up calling 'father' would reassure him saying...what? That he wanted a disgusting, repulsive thing like him as a son? Incomprehensible rage and panic welled up inside him.
He battered his tiny fists to feel something...
"... TELL ME!" Tell me, father, why you picked me up from that temple all those many years ago, why?
"I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance, bring about permanent peace... through you."
And just like that, his broken heart had been smashed once again.
He stared blankly, his voice weak when he asked, "What?"
"But those plans no longer matter."
No longer matter? He had never been Odin's son, how deluded he was into thinking that he was anything more than "another stolen relic, locked up here until you might have use of me?"
How could he expect to be loved after finding out who he was? He was a Frost Giant. A creature, a repulsive thing. Odin had better things to do than love a cold, cold monster.
Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something.
"Why do you twist my words?" Odin asked, and for a moment Loki deluded himself into thinking that he was actually pained.
But why would he? Loki wasn't twisting words-he was stating the plain truth. "What, because I... I... I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?"
Odin tried saying something, but Loki wasn't listening. His heart-was it made of anything but shattered ice?-could not bear to be hurt any more.
"You know, it all makes sense now," he spat out, a bit hysterically, "why you favoured Thor all these years, because no matter how much you claim to love me," he almost burst into laughter at that stupid thought-as if anyone could love a monster like him!-"you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!"
Odin collapsed to the ground, and in that moment, every thought flew out of his head in a fit of panic.
"Guards!" he screamed at the top of voice.
He watched silently as they crowded around the man he had once known as his father.
He turned his head away.
Monster.
How should I feel?
Because right now, all he could think was that he was a monster, and all he could feel was the breaking of his Jotun ice heart.
He closed his eyes.
I am not Odin's son.
I am Odin's regret.