Would it have been better if tears were streaming down his face more often? Dean pondered this; was it worse to store it all up inside, or release your feelings? Obviously he knew the answer, but he was going to continue to bottle it up. He rolled around, tangling the bedsheets. It was midday, but still dark outside due to the stormy weather. It seemed to match his mood.
Lisa had left to take Ben to a playdate, leaving Dean alone with his despair. He was exceedingly happy with Lisa around, but moment no one was around, his powerful negative thoughts flooded back into him. He wasn't crying; not yet. He hated himself when he cried; well, hated himself more than usual.
Dean threw the covers off of him, and stood on the floor. He stretched, yawning, before trudging into the kitchen. He lazily poured himself a steamy cup of coffee. He closed his eyes slowly, letting its warm bitter flavour cascade over his tongue. Apparently, he was enjoying it too much; he stumbled and spilled a great deal of it on his shirt. "Damn it," Dean muttered, snatching a small rag and rubbing as much off as he could.
It didn't burn too terribly, but it was without a doubt going to stain, and the soggy feeling it left behind wasn't pleasant. Dean pulled the shirt off and carelessly placed it on the counter. He wondered what else could go wrong.
He began to turn around, and yelled as he came face-to-face with someone he hadn't seen in a while; Castiel.
"Cas?" He shouted, jumping back. The angel's expression didn't change.
"Yes?" He answered.
"What the...fuck? I was calling and calling you. You never answered? What about Sam? Do you just not care anymore, is that it-?"
Dean's rant was cut off by Castiel stepping uncomfortably close and gently taking his hands.
"What are you doing, asshat?" Dean scoffed. It only took one glance at Castiel's deep, caring blue eyes for him to drop that attitude.
He sighed.
"What is it...?" The hunter asked quietly.
Without missing a beat, the angel began, "I didn't want to upset you...I tried...I tried for you, for Sam. I fear I am not good enough. I'm sorry."
He inhaled. "I couldn't bear to...see you so upset. That was cowardly and weak of me. My apologies."
"...Okay...just, let me think."
Not letting go of his hands, Castiel looked at the floor for a moment. "Not yet, one last thing. I cannot wait any longer."
Without waiting for a reply, the angel leaned up and kissed Dean; softly and tenderly.
The hunter's eyes were wide with surprise, his cheeks reddened. "Cas, what was that?"
The angel exhaled. "I believe it is called a kiss."
"Yeah! Well aware! But why?" Dean shook his head in disbelief.
"Because I love you, Dean Winchester. And I have for a very long time."
There was a surreal silence. It washed over them both as they absorbed those words.
"I see..." Dean said softly. "Now there's even more to think about." As he began to stride away, he leaned down and kissed Castiel's forehead as he passed.