Everything Changes
Summary: He was all she needed to carry on, but when he left he tore her world apart.
A/N: Just a little one-shot that I came up with in the middle of the night. It may seem slightly unrealistic, but that's okay. Read and review please. =)
July 26th
I still remember all of the times we spent together and I still remember every birthday gift you ever gave me. As much I tried to push the memories out of my head, I couldn't.
You used to chase me around the playground with your muddy hands and try to dirty my yellow polka dotted sundress when we were little. I remember when you finally caught me, smearing mud along the back of my dress. I was furious and I cried throughout the entire day and told you never to talk to me again. Our first fight. You apologized the next day and gave me a daisy. It was the sweetest thing you'd ever done for me. Little did I know, though, that seconds later you'd be pulling off the petals, letting them fly away with the wind. I tried to be upset and angry at you, but I couldn't.
We went to the same elementary school and we were in the same class all the way up until grade four. I'll admit, I cried when I found out that you had Ms. Roberts while I would be spending a year in room seven with Mrs. Albertson.
We remained friends, though. The very best of friends at that. That summer we went to the beach with your family and mine. It was the best summer I think I had ever had. I would build sandcastles and you would fill up a pail of water and pour it on me. Then I would shriek and start chasing you around and tackling you until you finally gave in and apologized. And you always did. You gave me a seashell the last day of that vacation. I was confused, and asked you why you gave it to me.
"Because," you had responded, "it's pretty like you." Then you'd tap me on the shoulder and yell "We're playing hide and go seek! You're it! You're never gonna find me!" and we'd run around until we both lost our breaths or became much too tired to run anymore.
I remember you teaching me how to play all the really cool video games all the boys you knew loved and you'd laugh whenever I screwed up. But then I became good at those games and I had my laugh when I beat you twelve times in a row.
I don't think we realized that we really liked each other in that way until grade five or six. All the popular girls would talk about their boyfriends or who they had a crush on and I always felt so out of place. I didn't understand the game of elementary school romance.
You kissed me on April 17th of our grade six year. It was recess and the teachers led all the graded six classes out to the playground. Some of the kids from your class and some of the giggle girls from mine decided to play a little game of truth or dare. You picked dare, and Katrina Davidson dared you to kiss me. On the lips. Some of the kids gasped and the girls giggled softly. But you complied. You placed your hands on my shoulders and kissed me.
I don't know if it's possible to fall in love at the age of eleven, but what I felt for you ran much deeper than like.
By the end of the day everyone in the entire grade knew that little innocent Paige Michalchuk had been kissed. And by you nonetheless.
I never had many friends in elementary school, so I had no one to talk to about this. Normally, I would have confided in you, but considering the situation that was not an option.
We avoided each other for four days straight. And in those days I was the loneliest I had ever been in my entire life. We finally met up after school one day and you asked if we were ever going to talk to each other again.
I smiled sheepishly and answered with an, "I don't know." Not the brightest answer now that I look back on it, but hey, I was an eleven year old girl with no experience at all.
You had run a hand through your hair which I had always found so enticing. You mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, "I like you." Apparently, I had heard correctly. And that surprised me. We had always just been best friends. Nothing more. Ever. I guess maybe I should have realized that there might have eventually been some sort of 'thing' between us, but I never really acknowledged it.
"I like you too," I had said, not making eye contact and fidgeting with my fingers, but I had never been more serious about anything in my life.
We did the typical grade six boyfriend/girlfriend thing. We held hands on the playground and every so often you would lean over and kiss me on the cheek. It was perfect.
The end of the year neared and one evening you came over to my house. You looked so sad and that scared me. It took you a while to spit it out but you did eventually. And tears slipped out of my eyes and down my face as you told me that you were moving. Your dad had gotten a great job offer and you'd be living in a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood...but you wouldn't be anywhere near me. We wouldn't even be at the same school or anything next year.
I cried myself to sleep that night. And the night after that. Hell, I cried every night just knowing that you would be gone and there would be no more summers at the beach and no more video games. Ever.
The last day of school came and went. So did your moving day. You gave me a big hug and told me to have fun in middle school and that you'd never forget me. I knew I'd definitely never forget you.
I transformed over my grade seven year. I entered that year as my gawky self with no friends, but gradually I did start to fit in. Still, the transition would have been easier if you were there. And I'm sure the outcome of my personality would have been different as well.
By grade eight I was Perfect Paige. The girl everyone was jealous of. I made myself believe that I was superior to everyone and built a barrier inside to not let anyone get close to me. Because losing anyone again would hurt me too much.
I became friends with people like Hazel Aden and Ashley Kerwin and crushed on guys like Spinner Mason. I was a terrible person that year. I stole Spinner from Terri McGregor by getting her drunk, I had manipulated Manny Santos when she had tried out for the Spirit Squad, made Terri choose between being friends with me or Ashley, and I insulted those who I thought were lower than me just because I knew I held power.
I regret it all because that was not the real me. It was as if I was possessed. All I cared about was being popular, pretty and making other people feel like shit. I pushed you out of my mind. I had almost forgotten you, too. But then you came back. I can't believe you actually came back.
I was so angry. I knew it wasn't your fault for leaving but when you came back it was like every memory we'd ever shared came back and hit me in the face. There was too much space between us now. Way too much space. I wasn't the same girl I used to be. I was furious when you came back. How could you just disappear out of my life and then –just like that—return again. I should've been happy, but I wasn't. I had moved on with my life.
You didn't even acknowledge my presence that first day you came back. We had all fled into Mr. Simpson's Media Immersions class that first day of grade nine and Mr. Simpson had said, "We have a student here who's new to Degrassi. Craig Manning."
Hearing your name was even too much for me then.
"So let's do our best to make him feel welcome," Mr. Simpson finished.
I watched you that day and realized that you appeared to be that same Craig I had always known. Still sweet and kind and passionate. Everything I had loved about you before.
We had one encounter in grade nine. It was the first time we actually acted like each other existed. You cornered me in the hallways after school a few days after your arrival.
"Paige Michalchuk," you said with a grin. "It's been a long time."
"It has, hasn't it, hon?" I replied coldly.
"Hon?" you looked taken aback. The old Paige never used words like that.
"Look, Craig, I'm not the same person I was all those years ago, okay?" I had told you.
"I've noticed," you said. "Since when do you paint your nails and cheerlead?"
"Since grade seven. Right after you left," I had replied harshly.
You looked surprised. "Well this certainly wasn't the welcoming I had expected," you said disappointedly.
I had just rolled my eyes. "Well, things are different now."
"Again, I've noticed. Do you want to go somewhere and talk or someth--"
"No, Craig. I think it would be best if we just kept our distance from each other. Things will never be the same, okay? So why push it? Bye, Craig," I said and walked off, leaving you in the middle of the hallway.
I never stopped thinking about you though. I remember the unfortunate night when I was date-raped last year. I thought that if I had accepted your offer those months ago to go somewhere and catch up on things that we would be together now and the mess with Dean and the rape would never have happened. Instead, Spinner was there for me. Though I liked him, it wasn't the same as it had been with you.
I remember Spinner being the one telling me about your dad physically abusing you and you leaving his house to stay with your step-dad, Joey Jeremiah. I wanted to talk to you so bad and I hated myself so much for not being there for you. And the guilt doubled when I heard your dad had died later on...
The year passed though and I saw you making friends with the outcasts. Them being Ellie Nash and Ashley Kerwin (who had done a total switch of looks from grade eight to nine and was now Degrassi's resident Goth freak). I heard there were major sparks between you and Ashley. You guys entered grade ten as a couple, as did Spinner and I. She did seem perfect for you. Both of you were hardcore music fans and passionate about the same things. It was good you moved on but I still couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if I were in the place of Ashley.
Then you ran off and had sex with Manny Santos because Ashley had morals and didn't want to lose her virginity when she was only fifteen. How you could be so cruel, I didn't know. Apparently things had changed with you too. I always thought you were too good to do something as wrong as you did. It had taken me completely by surprise. Battle of the Bands came next and you wrote that pathetic song for her as if that made up for all of the heartache you caused her. We should've won. I don't think you meant a word of those lyrics you sang. You were just sick of her hating you, so you did the only thing you could think of to shut her up.
We still avoided each other and we were getting pretty good at doing so. Now here I am with only days to go before the start of grade eleven. Not as bad I was in grade seven, but not the girl you knew back in elementary school. I'm not a completely heartless bitch. It was all an act...
I'm not as brave as I look and I'm not as strong as people think I am. You knew that. You've always known that.
We may not talk anymore but I still remember all the details of every afternoon we spent together and I still have that seashell you gave me that summer our families went the beach together when we were ten. I don't know if you've completely erased me from your thoughts but if you haven't, I hope you don't hate me too much.
Maybe I'll call you one of these days and I can tell you everything that's been going on. And we can talk and laugh just like we used to and I can take down this I've built up and just be me again because I'd really like that. It's just going to take a lot courage to pick up the phone and actually start to dial your number. There's too much space between us now and getting back that friendship will take a lot of work. And I still don't know if I'm ready to let you in again.
The door bell is ringing. It's Spinner. It's our one year anniversary today. I guess I should dry my years and head downstairs. It's funny how not even Spinner knows the history between you and me. I don't think I want to tell him. Not yet. He doesn't need to know everything. He'd probably come after you once he found out anyways. I hope that whatever is going on with you you're happy.
Remember—I never stopped caring about you. I've always loved you, Craig Manning.
Paige Michalchuk
A/N: And that's it. TA DA! Oh and just for the sake of this fic Ashley and Paige don't go all the way back to grade two. But I'm sure you figured that out yourself. So, review, be constructive. What'd you like? What'd you hate? Let me know.
Summary: He was all she needed to carry on, but when he left he tore her world apart.
A/N: Just a little one-shot that I came up with in the middle of the night. It may seem slightly unrealistic, but that's okay. Read and review please. =)
July 26th
I still remember all of the times we spent together and I still remember every birthday gift you ever gave me. As much I tried to push the memories out of my head, I couldn't.
You used to chase me around the playground with your muddy hands and try to dirty my yellow polka dotted sundress when we were little. I remember when you finally caught me, smearing mud along the back of my dress. I was furious and I cried throughout the entire day and told you never to talk to me again. Our first fight. You apologized the next day and gave me a daisy. It was the sweetest thing you'd ever done for me. Little did I know, though, that seconds later you'd be pulling off the petals, letting them fly away with the wind. I tried to be upset and angry at you, but I couldn't.
We went to the same elementary school and we were in the same class all the way up until grade four. I'll admit, I cried when I found out that you had Ms. Roberts while I would be spending a year in room seven with Mrs. Albertson.
We remained friends, though. The very best of friends at that. That summer we went to the beach with your family and mine. It was the best summer I think I had ever had. I would build sandcastles and you would fill up a pail of water and pour it on me. Then I would shriek and start chasing you around and tackling you until you finally gave in and apologized. And you always did. You gave me a seashell the last day of that vacation. I was confused, and asked you why you gave it to me.
"Because," you had responded, "it's pretty like you." Then you'd tap me on the shoulder and yell "We're playing hide and go seek! You're it! You're never gonna find me!" and we'd run around until we both lost our breaths or became much too tired to run anymore.
I remember you teaching me how to play all the really cool video games all the boys you knew loved and you'd laugh whenever I screwed up. But then I became good at those games and I had my laugh when I beat you twelve times in a row.
I don't think we realized that we really liked each other in that way until grade five or six. All the popular girls would talk about their boyfriends or who they had a crush on and I always felt so out of place. I didn't understand the game of elementary school romance.
You kissed me on April 17th of our grade six year. It was recess and the teachers led all the graded six classes out to the playground. Some of the kids from your class and some of the giggle girls from mine decided to play a little game of truth or dare. You picked dare, and Katrina Davidson dared you to kiss me. On the lips. Some of the kids gasped and the girls giggled softly. But you complied. You placed your hands on my shoulders and kissed me.
I don't know if it's possible to fall in love at the age of eleven, but what I felt for you ran much deeper than like.
By the end of the day everyone in the entire grade knew that little innocent Paige Michalchuk had been kissed. And by you nonetheless.
I never had many friends in elementary school, so I had no one to talk to about this. Normally, I would have confided in you, but considering the situation that was not an option.
We avoided each other for four days straight. And in those days I was the loneliest I had ever been in my entire life. We finally met up after school one day and you asked if we were ever going to talk to each other again.
I smiled sheepishly and answered with an, "I don't know." Not the brightest answer now that I look back on it, but hey, I was an eleven year old girl with no experience at all.
You had run a hand through your hair which I had always found so enticing. You mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like, "I like you." Apparently, I had heard correctly. And that surprised me. We had always just been best friends. Nothing more. Ever. I guess maybe I should have realized that there might have eventually been some sort of 'thing' between us, but I never really acknowledged it.
"I like you too," I had said, not making eye contact and fidgeting with my fingers, but I had never been more serious about anything in my life.
We did the typical grade six boyfriend/girlfriend thing. We held hands on the playground and every so often you would lean over and kiss me on the cheek. It was perfect.
The end of the year neared and one evening you came over to my house. You looked so sad and that scared me. It took you a while to spit it out but you did eventually. And tears slipped out of my eyes and down my face as you told me that you were moving. Your dad had gotten a great job offer and you'd be living in a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood...but you wouldn't be anywhere near me. We wouldn't even be at the same school or anything next year.
I cried myself to sleep that night. And the night after that. Hell, I cried every night just knowing that you would be gone and there would be no more summers at the beach and no more video games. Ever.
The last day of school came and went. So did your moving day. You gave me a big hug and told me to have fun in middle school and that you'd never forget me. I knew I'd definitely never forget you.
I transformed over my grade seven year. I entered that year as my gawky self with no friends, but gradually I did start to fit in. Still, the transition would have been easier if you were there. And I'm sure the outcome of my personality would have been different as well.
By grade eight I was Perfect Paige. The girl everyone was jealous of. I made myself believe that I was superior to everyone and built a barrier inside to not let anyone get close to me. Because losing anyone again would hurt me too much.
I became friends with people like Hazel Aden and Ashley Kerwin and crushed on guys like Spinner Mason. I was a terrible person that year. I stole Spinner from Terri McGregor by getting her drunk, I had manipulated Manny Santos when she had tried out for the Spirit Squad, made Terri choose between being friends with me or Ashley, and I insulted those who I thought were lower than me just because I knew I held power.
I regret it all because that was not the real me. It was as if I was possessed. All I cared about was being popular, pretty and making other people feel like shit. I pushed you out of my mind. I had almost forgotten you, too. But then you came back. I can't believe you actually came back.
I was so angry. I knew it wasn't your fault for leaving but when you came back it was like every memory we'd ever shared came back and hit me in the face. There was too much space between us now. Way too much space. I wasn't the same girl I used to be. I was furious when you came back. How could you just disappear out of my life and then –just like that—return again. I should've been happy, but I wasn't. I had moved on with my life.
You didn't even acknowledge my presence that first day you came back. We had all fled into Mr. Simpson's Media Immersions class that first day of grade nine and Mr. Simpson had said, "We have a student here who's new to Degrassi. Craig Manning."
Hearing your name was even too much for me then.
"So let's do our best to make him feel welcome," Mr. Simpson finished.
I watched you that day and realized that you appeared to be that same Craig I had always known. Still sweet and kind and passionate. Everything I had loved about you before.
We had one encounter in grade nine. It was the first time we actually acted like each other existed. You cornered me in the hallways after school a few days after your arrival.
"Paige Michalchuk," you said with a grin. "It's been a long time."
"It has, hasn't it, hon?" I replied coldly.
"Hon?" you looked taken aback. The old Paige never used words like that.
"Look, Craig, I'm not the same person I was all those years ago, okay?" I had told you.
"I've noticed," you said. "Since when do you paint your nails and cheerlead?"
"Since grade seven. Right after you left," I had replied harshly.
You looked surprised. "Well this certainly wasn't the welcoming I had expected," you said disappointedly.
I had just rolled my eyes. "Well, things are different now."
"Again, I've noticed. Do you want to go somewhere and talk or someth--"
"No, Craig. I think it would be best if we just kept our distance from each other. Things will never be the same, okay? So why push it? Bye, Craig," I said and walked off, leaving you in the middle of the hallway.
I never stopped thinking about you though. I remember the unfortunate night when I was date-raped last year. I thought that if I had accepted your offer those months ago to go somewhere and catch up on things that we would be together now and the mess with Dean and the rape would never have happened. Instead, Spinner was there for me. Though I liked him, it wasn't the same as it had been with you.
I remember Spinner being the one telling me about your dad physically abusing you and you leaving his house to stay with your step-dad, Joey Jeremiah. I wanted to talk to you so bad and I hated myself so much for not being there for you. And the guilt doubled when I heard your dad had died later on...
The year passed though and I saw you making friends with the outcasts. Them being Ellie Nash and Ashley Kerwin (who had done a total switch of looks from grade eight to nine and was now Degrassi's resident Goth freak). I heard there were major sparks between you and Ashley. You guys entered grade ten as a couple, as did Spinner and I. She did seem perfect for you. Both of you were hardcore music fans and passionate about the same things. It was good you moved on but I still couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if I were in the place of Ashley.
Then you ran off and had sex with Manny Santos because Ashley had morals and didn't want to lose her virginity when she was only fifteen. How you could be so cruel, I didn't know. Apparently things had changed with you too. I always thought you were too good to do something as wrong as you did. It had taken me completely by surprise. Battle of the Bands came next and you wrote that pathetic song for her as if that made up for all of the heartache you caused her. We should've won. I don't think you meant a word of those lyrics you sang. You were just sick of her hating you, so you did the only thing you could think of to shut her up.
We still avoided each other and we were getting pretty good at doing so. Now here I am with only days to go before the start of grade eleven. Not as bad I was in grade seven, but not the girl you knew back in elementary school. I'm not a completely heartless bitch. It was all an act...
I'm not as brave as I look and I'm not as strong as people think I am. You knew that. You've always known that.
We may not talk anymore but I still remember all the details of every afternoon we spent together and I still have that seashell you gave me that summer our families went the beach together when we were ten. I don't know if you've completely erased me from your thoughts but if you haven't, I hope you don't hate me too much.
Maybe I'll call you one of these days and I can tell you everything that's been going on. And we can talk and laugh just like we used to and I can take down this I've built up and just be me again because I'd really like that. It's just going to take a lot courage to pick up the phone and actually start to dial your number. There's too much space between us now and getting back that friendship will take a lot of work. And I still don't know if I'm ready to let you in again.
The door bell is ringing. It's Spinner. It's our one year anniversary today. I guess I should dry my years and head downstairs. It's funny how not even Spinner knows the history between you and me. I don't think I want to tell him. Not yet. He doesn't need to know everything. He'd probably come after you once he found out anyways. I hope that whatever is going on with you you're happy.
Remember—I never stopped caring about you. I've always loved you, Craig Manning.
Paige Michalchuk
A/N: And that's it. TA DA! Oh and just for the sake of this fic Ashley and Paige don't go all the way back to grade two. But I'm sure you figured that out yourself. So, review, be constructive. What'd you like? What'd you hate? Let me know.