The pain of knowing you have to wake up. The pain of what youve done to them. Smiling is like broadcasting your insanity and picking yourself apart again. I want to escape the pains of what Ive done. I became a monster. Im the one who hurt him, im the one who ruined his life. Im a monster. Dont you understand? I cannot be forgiven and am not worthy of this life. Yet im still here. You know im surprised she doesnt know what I did. She would have been ashamed. Sometimes I just wanna make them go to sleep make this luscious pain go away. Yet this pain is my drug. My laughing gas. A wise girl once told me to always laugh and smile. So then when this pain leaves Ill cry and just be alone again. Until then I will smile just for you when its time.