Okay guys! Here's a random one shot I thought up like 2 seconds ago! It is almost not canon to the Rose Petal's storyline. In other words: It means nothing! Just meant to be funny! Enjoy!
WARNING!: NUDITY, SEXUAL THEMES, AND OTHER DISTURBING ELEMENTS!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! AND THESE BE THE LAST FRIENDLY WORDS YOU'LL HEAR!!!!! ARR!! YO, HO! YO, HO! A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!!!! LOL. XD
A Rough Night for Fox McCloud
Fox awoke with a start, and he sat up in bed with a hoarse cry. His eyes were wide and his face was drenched in sweat. Tears stung his eyes, and he panted for air as the brownish vulpine tried to return order to his sleep clogged mind. The right bedside lamp clicked on, and Krystal was instantly at his side, wrapping her blue-furred arms around her husband's quivering shoulders.
"Fox! Fox, calm down! It's okay! It's me!" Krystal attempted to calm Fox down taking his head in her hands and pointing it straight at hers. Fox finally seemed to comprehend the face and wrapped his muscular arms around her.
"Krystal!" Fox was almost crying as he clasped his mate to him. "Oh, Krystal! You're safe!"
"It's okay, Fox. Just calm down. Calm down. Shh...Shh..." Krystal rubbed Fox's back affectionately, puzzled as to what could possibly be so bad that it would bring him to tears. After a few seconds of this, the two broke apart, Fox hiding his head in his hands, wiping away tears.
"Sorry about that," Fox apologized to his wife. "It was just a nightmare. I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's okay," she assured him. "You wanna talk about it?" Fox shook his head.
"No. No not really. It was stupid."
"Well, let's talk anyway," Krystal pushed Fox back down onto the bed and propped herself up on one elbow. She looked down at her husband with a quiet concern in her expression.
"Now, tell me about your dream."
Fox sighed. "We were all on Corneria. We had just had lunch and I was feeling really good. Then something blocked out the sun, and we all looked up. There was some kind of meteor headed straight for the city. I shouted at everyone to run, but it was too late. The meteor hit the city and everything went black. When I came to, the city was in ruins, and you were all lying dead beside me!" Fox blinked away some tears. "I shouted at you to wake up, but you didn't. I felt responsible and lonely! Then I woke up." Fox sighed again. "I told you it was stupid." He shrugged apologetically.
Krystal kissed her mate sympathetically. "No, it wasn't. I can understand why it was scary." Her eyes took on a distant look, and Fox could tell she was thinking about her home world, Cerinia. "It always is when you lose everything you love." Fox raised his head off the pillow and kissed Krystal comfortingly.
She gave him a warm smile. "Thanks Fox. I needed that."
"I thought I was the one in need of comfort." She swatted him playfully.
"Oh, shut up!" Fox grinned and kissed her again. Krystal kissed him back. Fox wrapped his arms around her back and brought her body close to his. He was feeling much better now, and he could tell where this was leading. Krystal began to deepen the kiss, adding tongue and pushing at Fox's teeth. Fox obliged her impatient eating muscle and began kissing her passionately. Krystal's hands began removing her pants, kicking the pajama bottoms out from under their blankets and onto the floor. Fox did the same to his boxers, and returned to kissing his wife. Her white tank top soon went the same way, and they were now both naked, except for Krystal who still wore her snow white panties. She rolled so that now she lay atop Fox, straddling his leg. Fox lay back and let her take control, enjoying the sensations of Krystal's teasing nips on his neck. Something was bothering him though.
"Umm...Krystal?" he began hesitantly.
"Mmm hmm?" she purred in response.
"Are you... wearing something besides your underwear?"
Krystal sat up smiling sexily. "No. Why do you ask?"
"Something's poking me."
Krystal looked down to where she sat. She laughed a knowing laugh and smiled back at Fox.
"Sorry. All this foreplay is making me hard." Fox's eyes widened and he began to sweat nervously.
"Wha–wha–wh—wha— what do y-you mean by that?" he asked hesitantly, fearing her reply. Krystal laughed again, and began to slide off her panties. Fox's gaze shifted downward and his mouth dropped open. A horrified expression overshadowed his face as he stared down at his wife's crotch. Fox let out a horrified yell as Krystal reached over to turn out the lights. In place of a vagina, there was a....
Do I need to say it? ROTFLOL!!!! XD Unfortunately, the weirdness doesn't end there.
Fox sat bolt upright in bed, screaming at the top of his voice. He looked around frantically, scanning the room for anything out of the ordinary. The image of Krystal's....appendage, still haunted him, and he tried to calm down and tell himself it had all been a dream. Looking around the room he realized that his wife was not in bed with him. "Krystal?" he called a little panicked. He really needed some comfort right that second, as well as confirmation that Krystal was indeed a female.
The door to the bedroom opened and a sudden light blinded Fox. As he squinted out from behind his arms, Falco appeared from the next room. He was dressed rather strangely, sporting a pirate hat and eyepatch. "Why you screaming Fox?"
Fox blushed and quickly shook his head dismissively. "It's nothing Falco. Do you know where Krystal is?"
"Yeah, she's in here. Come and join the party! You're missin' out!" Falco disappeared into the light of the adjoining room, and Fox got up to follow. There was indeed a party in the next room. Wavy reigei music was playing and everyone of his teammates was dressed in pirate garb. Krystal reassembled a pirate wench, and Slippy hobbled around on a fake peg leg. The cabin was decorated with pirate flags and posters painted with pirate sayings. Fox approached Krystal who was standing at the punch bowl, the liquid within was blood red and had fake bones floating in it.
"Hey, what's going on, Krystal?" Fox asked confused. She turned to him and smiled.
"It's Peppy's birthday party, silly! The theme is pirates. You must have just forgot, cause you don't have a costume." Krystal reached beneath the table and removed a large black pirate hat which she placed on Fox's head. "There. Now you fit in! Do you like my outfit?" she giggled taking a turn so he could see. Fox gave her a appraising look, making sure to pay extra attention to her private area, looking for any suspicious lumps.
"You're beautiful." He assured her.
At that moment Peppy made a triumphant entrance through the front hatch, dressed head to toe in very realistic pirate attire. His mustache was curled up at the end, and he was wearing a fake beard. "How do I look?" he asked.
"Great!" Slippy chirped. "Very piraty!" The old hare chuckled.
"So, where's my "booty" me hardies?" One by one each member of the group produced a treasure chest. All except Fox, who stood stupidly rooted to the spot.
"Well, Fox?" Peppy asked expectantly. "Where's your present?"
Fox shrugged. "I don't have one." A loud "oooo" ing came from the rooms other occupants. "What?" Fox asked puzzled.
Peppy drew a cutlass from beneath his overcoat, and pointed it at Fox. "Sorry, Fox. You know the rules. Anyone who doesn't give the Captain his "booty" has to walk the plank!"
"Excuse me?" Fox said confused, backing away from his friends, who were now all drawing swords. "Guys, it's me! Fox! What's wrong with you? Stop pointing those swords at me!"
"Sorry, love," Krystal said sympathetically waving the tip of her cutlass in his face. "Rules are rules!"
"Forgive me, Fox!" Slippy said advancing on his friend.
"I'd help ya out, but...." Falco smiled ruefully. Fox was now backed up into a corner not knowing what to do. His friends' cutlasses were all at his throat.
"Guys! Cut it out!"
"Star Fox," Peppy drew himself up. "Let's skin this insubordinate pup!"
"NOOOOOO!!!!"
Fox rolled out of bed and onto the floor with a startled yelp. He sat up on his haunches, holding his head, which he had hit on the bedside table. "Sorry, Sorry!" He said rubbing the soar spot on his forehead. It was dark, and Fox couldn't see anything whatsoever. From the bed a familiar voice asked him if he was alright. "I'm fine. Just a really strange dream." A blue hand reached over the edge of the mattress.
"Need a hand?" the same voice asked. Fox took it and was pulled to his feet. Fox felt confused. He didn't remember Krystal being that strong!
"Sorry I woke you. You can go back to sleep Krystaaaaalllll!" Fox jumped back as his eyes met Falco's. The avian was topless, and he stared up at Fox with bewilderment.
"Somethin' wrong Foxie?" Falco asked.
"Falco!? What the hell are you doing in my bed?! And where's Krystal?" Fox had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn't like the answer.
"First of all, this is our bed!" Falco said to a frightened Fox. "And who's Krystal?"
"My wife!" Fox shouted desperately. "Blue fur? Vixen? Telepath? Any of this sound familiar to you?"
Falco didn't seem to comprehend. "You mean that little tramp you rescued on Sauria? Since when are you married to her?"
"What the hell's the matter with you?" Fox shouted confused and angry. "And don't call my wife a tramp!"
Falco got up and took hold of Fox's shoulders. "Fox! You forget who you're talkin' to?" Falco shook him roughly. "This is Falco! Your husband!"
"Husband?!" This new revelation was more than Fox could take. He shook himself loose of Falco's grip and vaulted over the bed into the corner. "No! I'm not gay! And you're definitely not gay! And certainly not for each other!"
"Last time I checked we were!" Falco was coming cautiously closer. "Remember? After the Aparoid Invasion we got married on Corneria, right?"
"No! I married Krystal on Corneria after the Anglar Blitz! It was on the Pleiades! You were my best man!"
Falco was starting to look worried. He bent down and tried to take Fox's arm. "No, I wasn't, Fox! You must have been dreamin'! C'mon, We're gonna go down to the infirmary and get ROB to check you out, okay?" Falco started dragging a panicking Fox across the room towards the door. Fox was grabbing at anything and everything he could get his hands on.
"NOOOOO! NOOOO! THIS IS A DREAM!! IT HAS TO BE! WAKE UP! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! ABORT!!! ABORT!!!! NNOOO!!!"
As Falco released the door, a small voice enquired loudly: "Daddy? What's going on?"
"Go back to bed, sweet heart!" Falco responded to the child's question. Thoroughly mortified, Fox clutched at the door frame desperately, wanting nothing more than to jump out the nearest airlock. He could feel his grip weakening, he was soaking wet with sweat. Falco stopped pulling and looked down at the pathetic mess of a fox on the floor. He shook his head, and raised his hand.
"Sorry Fox! This is for your own good!" Falco's hand came down hard and Fox screamed.
Fox felt a sharp pain as Falco's blue feathered hand slapped him hard across the face. Light flooded his face, as he fevered mind returned to consciousness. Sitting bolt upright, the vulpine threw a sharp punch, catching the avian square in the jaw and knocking him flat. And then Krystal was there, taking his head in her hands. "Fox! Fox, are you alright?" she asked frantically. Fox was breathing heavily and he realized he was soaked with water.
"Wha– Krystal?" Fox looked her up and down. Without hesitation he threw his arms around her and hugged her close. Krystal was feeling confused, but hugged Fox back, trying to give some comfort to the mentally disturbed vulpine.
"F–Fox! Is– everything okay?" she was half laughing, his emotions of happy relief washing over her like a tidal wave.
Fox continued hugging her as he replied: "Yes, everything's fine now! What happened?"
Krystal tried to pull herself away but Fox wouldn't let her. As best she could she answered, "We've been trying to wake you for an hour! You were thrashing around and muttering in your sleep! I was worried you might have been having a night terror!"
"When she couldn't wake you up she called us!" Slippy chimed in from his place in front of the window. "We tried everything to wake you up, but you just wouldn't stop thrashing!"
"So, I slapped you to try and wake you up!" Falco said wiping blood from his beak. "Some thank you by the way! Punching me in the face! What's your problem?"
Fox was barely registering his friends words. His mind didn't need all these details right now! All he needed was a little time alone with Krystal. Fox finally released his wife and started shoving his teammates out the door.
"Whoa! Hey, what's the big idea?" Falco was saying as Fox closed the door in his face. He hit the lock and spun to face Krystal, who was sitting on the bed, looking slightly scared of what he might do in his state of mind.
"Fox? What's going oooonn—" her enquiry was cut short as Fox pounced on her. Laying her down on the pillows, he kissed her with intensity, sliding her pants down off her legs with one hand while the other fondled her hair and ears. Krystal was completely taken aback by her husband's sudden change in behavior. She tried to protest but Fox's kisses prevented any other action.
As Fox took a reprieve to pull of his boxers, Krystal took the opportunity to get out a question. "Fox! What's gotten into y—" again her enquiry was cut short by Fox who placed a finger against her lips.
"Please don't ask questions, okay? I really just need you right now!" Fox began kissing her again, pinning her to the mattress. Not sure what was going on, Krystal probed Fox's mind, trying to understand where this was coming from. Sensing her husband's need for her love and understanding, Krystal gave up and gave herself over to Fox's care, returning the passionate kisses he was throwing her way.
Fox began positioning himself above Krystal's opening, he prepared for the first thrust. Suddenly, he stopped and his eyes widened in horror. "What's rubbing my dick?" His voice was distant and terrified. Krystal frowned and looked down. She smiled and giggled reaching down towards that area.
"Oh, that! Sorry, that's my—" Fox gave a groan and keeled over in a dead faint. Krystal gave a confused sigh. Reaching down, she retrieved the half eaten pepperoni stick from where it had fallen when Fox had started his thrashing. It had been a strange craving she'd had that morning. Wiggling out from under the now unconscious vulpine, Krystal began to dress herself. "Poor love," Krystal mused looking back lovingly and sympathetically at her husband. "You must have had a rough night."
Was that funny or what? It was a totally random idea I had. Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a review! Peace!