Community: Autumnwrite
Challenge: 24/50
Prompt: #28. "Please tell me you're joking."
Characters/Pairings: Hiroto "Kanayan" Kanazawa
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Joker
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He is always joking. That is something everyone notices. When he speaks, Kanayan gives a grin as though he knows a secret that they don't.
He probably does.
-x-
"Kanayan-sensei," Kahoko asks him one day, looking for advice, "I think I should quit."
"Quit?" His eyes turn serious and he talks to her slowly. "There are many options in life, many different things that you can do. Choose something you like to do. When a door closes…sometimes it never opens again. I hope that doesn't happen to you."
Her eyes widen as she listens. A feeling overpowers her, one of nostalgia and longing. Kanayan probably lost something, she realizes, something important that he never got back.
Suddenly he is in her face and is smiling. "Just kidding." The solemn mood is broken. "Do what you want. I'm sure you'll do what you think is right."
The smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, though.
-x-
"There are things you need to do as contestants. You have to be committed to the concurs, willing to practice and put in the effort to do your best. You also have to give a professional look. When you are judged, you want to be at your best. If you play with all of your feelings, do you want to lose points just because you aren't dressed properly?"
The seven contestants sit there, waiting for his next words and Kanayan sighs. Running a hand through his hair, he feels like taking a smoke.
"There I go, talking like a teacher. Ignore everything I said. Just have fun during this contest and do your best!" he tells them, stopping his train of thought from getting too serious.
When he gets too serious, not even a drink can make him forget.
-x-
Kanayan isn't sure why he became a teacher in the first place. Maybe he wanted to give students his knowledge, give them some advice in the real world.
Things like doing your best, keeping your health safe, trusting the world just enough but not too much.
If that was the reason, he isn't doing a good job of it. He never takes anything seriously, doesn't expect his students to either, and instead just spends his time relaxing.
Remembering is something that doesn't stop once it's started. Remembering keeps going on and on, into lights that shone like stars and a girl that was once his everything but she—
Kanayan doesn't like to remember because forgetting hard to redo.
-x-
"I don't know…" Kazuki says, leaning back against bench. "When will loving the trumpet not be enough? When will just practicing and wanting not be helpful?"
There are many answers to that question. Some are from experience, some are from watching others, but all come from realizing the world.
"It might never be enough," Kanayan says, remembering a little boy who tried hard to regain his voice. "It isn't always enough because there are things that can't be solved by wanting and wishing. Sometimes you are stopped by a barrier and you might not always move past it. As long as you remember what is important to you, before it disappears, you should be fine."
There is a serious smile on his face and Kazuki feels something resolve itself in his mind.
"Just joking." Kanayan grins.
There are walls that exist in the mind only.
This is a way of keeping the walls in place whenever he's serious. It's a way of telling the truth without actually telling it.
"Joking? Sensei!" Kazuki frowns before realizing the time. "I'm late!" He gets up and runs off, coming back for a moment to grab his trumpet case.
"Kidding, eh?" Kanayan looks up into the sky. "Never."
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A/N: Kanayan always says' he's kidding, even when he isn't…I don't like the ending but everything else I rather liked. Which is surprising but oh well.
Questions? Comments? Suggestions?
Review!