I hope you enjoy.
He's never been inside before, wasn't even sure the building existed except for seeing it on the peripheral whilst driving to and from Hotten. It was nice he supposed, the kind of place that someone would be happy to live in. Small cottage, typical of the area, with exposed wooden beams everywhere which according to his Mum is very desirable. Not that Aaron cares either way. There is a fire place in the living room and the steps to the top floor appear to be original, and he notes all this as he heads directly up them and not caring all the same.
"Who lives here?"
"No one."
It's cold in the cottage, there is no double glazing and as Aaron wonders up to and past the landing window it rattles against the January winds. He keeps his cold hands firmly in his pockets, not even releasing them to stop the curtain fluttering out in front of him.
"Then whose furniture is this?" Pictures hang on the wall and an oversized leather couch had been glimpsed in the living room.
A low chuckle disappears through one of the only two doors found at the top of the steps. "Mine apparently – well Home farms anyway. This place comes fully furnished you know."
Aaron stops in the doorway, "And that's important why?"
And there it was, in front of him. A double bed. With Robert standing in front of it grinning.
The message of where to meet him had come through some hours earlier and when the time came the drive down had been a dark and dreary one, almost twenty minutes from Emmerdale village. He'd arrived, mostly knowing which property Robert had been referring to but still relieved when the other man was found sitting in his car outside the building. Aaron had jumped into the front seat, not believing that they would be entering the property and all the while not understanding how they could get away with using it as a parking bay. Roberts kiss had silenced any immediate questions.
"Thought you were never going to arrive."
"I had to think of an excuse as to why I needed the car."
"Can't have been too hard."
"We don't all have a degree in lying like you do."
And he'd detected pride in Roberts Smirk.
Of course there was always pride in everything Robert did. When he planned robberies and organised business investments that were really just an excuse to meet up. Always that arrogant smile lording it up to his latest victim. Always. But then maybe not always, and definitely not in the church at Katie and Andy's wedding when the contents of the rings had been revealed. And not so much when he'd been cold and lonely, begging Victoria to be allowed in to the pub to clear the air. Maybe that's why Aaron was here now. Because maybe even though he couldn't stand the guy, he still saw the gaps between the smirks and this was enough to meet up in cold empty properties off country roads.
Inside the small bedroom, Aaron leans against the wall. The house smells, lightly, of something that hadn't been used in a while.
"I thought we deserved a treat. You know, an actual bed instead of back car seats and hay bales."
The bed is old, like everything else in the property. Aaron vaguely recalls the film Bed knobs and Broomsticks. Just looking doesn't detect how sturdy it is, so he gently kicks out at one of its legs. Nothing moves. "We've done it in my bed -."
"Your single bed. With Diane down stairs."
"So this is what you brought me out here for then, because you can't rough it." Hands reach for Aaron's waist.
"Hey, you wanted a mattress in the barn, this is one step better." It was always the waist first. This happened so often now and Aaron can't contain the small smile especially when Robert's in front of him, eyes meeting his own. "And no one's going to find us here."
"OK."
He can feel Robert's breath against his own.
"And I don't have to rush back."
"OK."
"And-" their lips are so close and Robert's finger tips are stroking gently at his sides.
"And?"
"Just think what we can get up to on a proper bed."
A proper bed, from some abandoned old house. Aaron can't stop wondering about who was in that bed previously. In the barn all they had to contend with were rats, preferable to the prospect of the last occupant dying on this mattress. At least the sheets look clean.
They almost kiss, almost. Aaron's loving how's he's held in place, back against the wall, hips caressed as he grips the sleeves on Robert's coat.
"Don't be a tease Aaron – I've been thinking about this all day." So has Aaron, from the minute he received the text and he knows it's now becoming obvious to everyone that something is going on. He's happy, too happy and now Chas is asking him questions about how he's spending his time and Debbie is laughing at his courteous behaviour at work. It is so obvious to everyone because Aaron doesn't know how not to spill his emotions from every pore.
In front of him Roberts lips linger, no more than an inch away and whilst the idea of teasing Robert is just too appealing, he knows he wants to kiss him a whole lot more. But then his eyes linger again to the old used bed and he realises that the covers look a little too clean and so Aaron's not leaning into that kiss after all.
Plain blue and white strips decorate two pillows and the cover, and he realises they look new, creases still apparent from when they've been packaged up. Aaron's trying to ignore this, trying to focus on the impending kiss but he can't because suddenly all he can do is notice the bed set.
"Aaron-." Robert whines.
"Where are the covers from?"
"I bought them."
"You bought them?"
"Yes." And now Roberts sighing, moving out of the moment. He drops down onto the bed. "The house is freezing and there's no point screwing on a nice comfy bed if we're going to die of hypothermia anyway."
"We've screwed outside before and no one caught hypothermia."
"Yes, except all those other times we kept a lot more clothes on. I fancied getting a bit naked this time."
"Oh." And Aaron's not sure why he's stalling except that something now feels different. This organised tryst doesn't match the earlier liaisons with their hot hurried kisses and the 10 minute windows of opportunity before Robert has to leave.
"When did you buy the covers?"
"Yesterday." And Roberts utterly exasperated.
He can feel himself chewing on his bottom lip, a nervous gesture Aaron's had since he can remember. A habit he's formed when his unsure about something. Because this is the first time he's felt so unsure. Yeah, he knows his affair with Robert is wrong, knows that another person could get hurt. But it wasn't going to be him, he stood with nothing to lose. This was a bit of fun, excitement. He'd never really had pure excitement in his life. Sure it had been full of horrendous drama, of suicide attempts and losing loved ones that meant more to him than he could imagine, but excitement – for the sake of the pure thrill and joy of it? Never. And so this is why he'd entered into this affair, because he was having fun, pure and simple. Except the simple bit wasn't so simple anymore because his lover was finding more and more reasons to be with him and finding more and more ways to achieve that and he was doing all this whilst also being adamant that their fling would be over as soon as he was married.
"So is this where we are going to meet up from now on then?" There is caution to Aaron's question.
"Unlikely, the double glazing is being fitted tomorrow and then the new tenants will be moving in next week."
"Oh, I see."
Robert of course can't read him in that moment although Aaron's relief is obvious. "What is it, Aaron? You have an aversion to sex in cottages or something?"
"Yeah that's what it is."
The winds from outside howl again and Aaron feels it in the draft blowing in. He wraps his arms around himself.
"You cold?"
"A bit."
"Well let's warm each other up then." And Roberts back in front of him, hands to his waist, lips to his neck. All Aaron can do is close his eyes.
So this was just another quick idea then. Another opportunistic scheme befallen to Roberts lap – not some long term solution. It turns out that sometimes a short term empty cottage is just a short term empty cottage. And a rush out to buy some new sheets is just a sensible idea. Aaron feels himself relax into Robert.
This was going to end once Robert is married. Those had been Robert's words. And this kept to those words. This was not a property bought by Robert, not a second home to stash his secret lover. Aaron sighs. This was clear and Aaron knows where he stands and is happy with this. Because he isn't looking for a permanent solution, and certainly not with Robert who lies and schemes his life away, whose victims litter his past and present.
The zip on his jeans is being lowered and Aaron starts returning the favour, all the while never breaking their kiss.
He is ready for it to be over, knows that it has run its course now. The excitement has long gone and now he doesn't know why he keeps coming back for more. And the idea of a secret house for them to live in is ridiculous and something that he is absolutely happy is not happening. Because, Robert and himself – hauled up in some house. It just doesn't make any sense – he doesn't want him, doesn't even like him that much.
He especially doesn't like him as he pulls Aaron towards the bed. Can't stand him as he takes the lead, pushing Aaron down onto his back. Despises him even when he starts whispering about how much he's looking forward to seeing Aaron naked.
And afterwards, Aaron hates him the most. When their lying on that bed, duvet pulled up to protect them from that draft. When Aaron's thinking about Robert's upcoming wedding and he's relieved because then it will all be over and that's what he wants because he must remember that he doesn't like Robert. And then Roberts placing his head on Aaron's chest and his hand his falling into Aaron's palm and then he starts whispering about how he wished he didn't have to get up.
The wind howls again.
Yeah, this is when he hates Robert the most. When they are lying in an empty cottage, wrapped around each other. When the scent of new sheets clings to each of them. When holding back the cold is their only concern because their future together has an expiry date. This is when he hates Robert the most, because then he remembers that he doesn't hate Robert at all.