Disclaimer: Tales of Destiny belongs to Namco. I lay no claims.

I let Rutee lean on me. It's the best I can do for her. It's all I can do for her... do for me... for us? For Leon?

The fuck if I know anymore.

Maybe I'm just compensating. Maybe she's using me. Whatever. I'm okay with it and so is she. We both lost something that day. Everyone did, but I think we were hit the hardest.

My words didn't seem to get through to him until it was too late, but that's how it always was with him. Life with Leon was... different. Life without him is hell.

I feel like I failed him in some way, like I could have stopped him. When I think about it, I know I couldn't have. I can't even begin to wrap my head around the circumstances that made him choose the path he did. Back in that Atamoni forsaken cave, I tried to save him, I really tried... but when he didn't want to hear something, he didn't hear it. No, I'm sure he heard it. He just didn't want to listen. By the time I started to get through, I was already too late. He was doomed before it started.

I don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself, but on a cold, quiet night like this one, I just can't help it. I couldn't save Leon, Rutee is suffering and I'm trying so hard to be her rock. Being the one stable thing in her life is distracting me from my own failure.

I've always been success oriented. Hell, I stumbled across Dymlos on a quest for fame. That's how this all got started. I haven't figured out how I ended up becoming the group leader. I'm impulsive, emotional and right now I'm kind of pathetic.

Pathetic. Now there's a word I never wanted to associate with myself.

Actually, realizing that's what I should have done in the first place.

For one thing, it makes me want to re-evaluate this whole situation. For everyone's sake, I know I've got to get it together. I know I can get it together. It may take time, but that's the great thing about being human; we heal. All these what-ifs and if-only-I'ds will probably never leave my mind but I'm starting to think that maybe I'm okay with that. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right?

I'll be there for Rutee as long as she needs me because I'm her friend, not because I'm trying to atone for anything.

I think we'll be okay.

No, that's not right.

I know we will.