Disclaimer: I dun own anything..... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Title: The Elvin Book of Fairy Tales
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Various
Warnings: OOCness, slash, random insanity, nothing that really needs worrying about
Fairy Tale for Chapter: Sleeping Beauty
----------
Once upon a time a King and Queen longed for a child. They waited many years and finally their wish was granted, which was a good thing because the Queen went into menopause about a month later. They had a beautiful baby girl that they named Arwen. They were so happy, they asked seven fairies to be her godparents, but this was mostly because they wanted the fairies to grant Arwen gifts to make her perfect.
At the ceremony, each fairy was given a gold plate, knife, and fork; because this way the fairies would be even more bribed to give gifts the Arwen. And they also prepared a dress for each fairy. But that didn't work out so well, since all but two of the fairies were boys.
So the guests sat down (most of them were still grumbling about the gifts), but just when they were about to pig out, an eight fairy came into the hall! This fairy was SAURON!!! And it would have been very frightening if it weren't for the fact that everyone was on the ground laughing because Sauron was a fairy.
So anyway, since no one had seen Sauron for fifty years they didn't invite him or have a gold tableware set for him. Taking this as an insult (because he was to stupid to think otherwise and it didn't help that the other fairies inched away from him when he sat down), Sauron sat down grumbling and plotting his revenge (along with the other guests that weren't happy about their present).
One fairy, Eowyn, saw that Sauron had a look of evil glee on his face, and excused himself so that she might undo any evil that Sauron would curse upon Arwen.
When the feast was over, the fairies each cast their wondrous gifts upon Arwen.
The fairy Frodo gave Arwen the gift of beauty.
The fairy Sam gave Arwen the gift of wisdom.
The fairy Denethor tried to give Arwen the gift of oil and then tried to light her on fire. He was kicked out (literally) and is now being used as Nazgul food.
The fairy Legolas gave Arwen the gift of musical talent.
The fairy Galadriel gave Arwen the gift of grace.
The fairy Merry would've given Arwen a gift, but he was too bust getting drunk and singing with Pippin (who wasn't even supposed to be there). They were also kicked out.
Then Sauron cast a spell. "Arwen will prick her finger on a spindle and die!" he cackled.
Eowyn stepped forward. "Arwen will not die! She will fall into a deep slumber for 100 years and then a prince shall wake her!"
"Yeah, because saying that she's just not gonna die is WAAAAAAAAAAAY too stupid," Galadriel snorted.
Eowyn growled. "You wanna fight?!" she yelled as she went all battle mode.
"Bring it on, bitch!" Galadriel yelled as she changed into the green monster Galadriel. A bitch fight ensued and everyone had some good entertainment for the evening.
Ok, so anyway, even with a beat up Eowyn's (although she did win) assurance that Arwen would be okay, Elrond ordered that ever spindle in the Kingdom to be burned.
"Uh, sir?" Legolas said. "You can't order that. The Kingdom's democratic and they have a right to vote."
Elrond went off into a corner grumbling. But later he used his super-duper elf powers to burn all the spindles in the kingdom, and mass chaos ensued for several days.
Arwen grew into a beautiful young woman. She had all the gifts the fairies had given her so she was almost perfect. When she was PMSing, however, it was an entirely different matter. But let's not go into that, alright?
Many princes from many lands asked for her hand in marriage. Arwen refused them all. Well, actually Arwen thought that they were all fine, but they were all men and Elrond refused to let his daughter marry a mortal, because he thought they were inferior to elves.
One day Elrond took Arwen to a castle in the country. While she was attempting to hide from Elladan and Elrohir, she found a little room at the top of one of the towers. There sat an old lady, spinning thread, using a spinning wheel and spindle. But the old lady was really... THE WITCH KING ANGMAR!!!! And he was sent by Sauron to make Arwen prick her finger!!!!
Arwen had never seen a spinning wheel and spindle before, so she asked the "Old lady" if she could try. The "Old lady" nodded, and held out the spindle. Arwen took hold of the spindle, but pricked her finger and fell down in a deep sleep.
"Now Arwen will be asleep forever!" Angmar cackled as he untransformed from the old lady. Unfortunately for him, Eowyn was out for his blood at the time since he had killed Theoden, and heard him, and she ran up to the tower and killed him. Then she spotted Arwen on the floor....
Eowyn groaned. "Why did it have to ME who found Arwen?" she grumbled and then went to tell Elrond what had happened to poor Arwen.
They tried to wake Arwen, but it was in vain. Finally Elrond ordered the servants to take her to the finest room in the castle, and lock it so that poor Arwen wouldn't fall victim to Elladan and Elrohir's pranks.
There, on a bed embroidered with gold and silver, Arwen lay like a sleeping angel.
"It is well that the princess sleeps in peace," Eowyn said, "but I am worried that when she wakes she will find herself among strangers."
"But we're elves," said Elrond. "We're immortal."
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?!?!" Eowyn screamed at him.
O.O "No ma'am...."
"Good!" And Eowyn took her wand and touched everything in the castle. All the servants and soldiers, the horses and watchdogs, and even Arwen's own pet spaniel, Mopsie, lying next to her on the bed, They all fell asleep, too. Then, to keep anyone from harming Arwen, Eowyn encircled the castle with a forest of brambles and thorns so thick no one could get through, and so high that only the very tops of the castle's turrets could be seen above the bushes.
A hundred years went by. Another royal family came to rule the Kingdom. One day the King's son, Aragorn, was riding out in search of adventure (actually he was trying to get away from this Mary-Sue fangirl that kept following him around), when he glimpsed what looked like the towers of a castle rising above a gloomy forest that wasn't really a forest at all, just lots of prickly little thorns that really hurt if they get you in the butt. Just ask the hyena's from "The Lion King". They know all about the evil little thorns.
Anyway, Aragorn questioned some passersby, who agreed that the towers were indeed those of a castle. But some said it was full of ghosts, some that it was the haunt of witches, and others that a foul ogre lived there who ate children. Then an old farmer spoke up: "As a boy, I heard that a beautiful princess sleeps in that castle, waiting for the prince who will wake her!"
Aragorn's heart pounded with excitement, and he set out at once for the castle. Because if he saved the princess, then he could get laid! And he could get rich! Even more so! And he could brag to all the other princes about it! And even if he didn't get the girl, he could brag that he had an adventure that consisted of many perils! It was a win-win situation!
When he reached the forest surrounding the castle, the thickets of brambles and thorns mysteriously parted to let him through. But Aragorn wasn't a pansy prince, so he took another path and hacked his way through with his trusty sword Anduril.
He reached the courtyard and marveled at all the bodies of people and animals that lay, as if dead, all around him. Obviously, someone had bewitched them. Aragorn grinned. Now he could break the spell and get an even bigger reward! YAY!
He went into the guardroom and saw the gaurds standing in line, pikes at their shoulders, snoring away. Very loudly. Aragorn had to cover his ears so that he wouldn't go deaf. Then he went into each room in turn until at last he found the chamber where the princess lay sleeping.
Aragorn (Having read many fairy tales in his youth) knew just what to do. He kissed Arwen and she awoke with a smile on her face.
"Is that you, my prince?" she asked. "I have waited for such a long time."
"Actually, I was just hoping to get some money and get laid...." Aragorn said nervously,
"WHAT?! You mean I waited one hundred years just to have a one night stand!!!" Arwen yelled.
"Err... Yeah..."
Arwen sighed and then got out of bed, taking his arm. "At least your better than those two stewards sons...." She said gloomily.
Now Aragorn, being the kind gentleman that he is, said, "Well, I suppose I could marry you..."
"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!" Arwen cried happily. And she dragged Aragorn off to be married, despite Elrond's screams of, "HE'S A MORTAL MAN!!!!"
----------
Pyro: WHOOHOO!!! MY FIRST LORD OF THE RINGS FIC!!! I FEEL SPECIAL!!! (Does a little happy dance)
Legolas: --UUUUU You need help....
Pyro: I know. Isn't life great?
Legolas: --UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Title: The Elvin Book of Fairy Tales
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Various
Warnings: OOCness, slash, random insanity, nothing that really needs worrying about
Fairy Tale for Chapter: Sleeping Beauty
----------
Once upon a time a King and Queen longed for a child. They waited many years and finally their wish was granted, which was a good thing because the Queen went into menopause about a month later. They had a beautiful baby girl that they named Arwen. They were so happy, they asked seven fairies to be her godparents, but this was mostly because they wanted the fairies to grant Arwen gifts to make her perfect.
At the ceremony, each fairy was given a gold plate, knife, and fork; because this way the fairies would be even more bribed to give gifts the Arwen. And they also prepared a dress for each fairy. But that didn't work out so well, since all but two of the fairies were boys.
So the guests sat down (most of them were still grumbling about the gifts), but just when they were about to pig out, an eight fairy came into the hall! This fairy was SAURON!!! And it would have been very frightening if it weren't for the fact that everyone was on the ground laughing because Sauron was a fairy.
So anyway, since no one had seen Sauron for fifty years they didn't invite him or have a gold tableware set for him. Taking this as an insult (because he was to stupid to think otherwise and it didn't help that the other fairies inched away from him when he sat down), Sauron sat down grumbling and plotting his revenge (along with the other guests that weren't happy about their present).
One fairy, Eowyn, saw that Sauron had a look of evil glee on his face, and excused himself so that she might undo any evil that Sauron would curse upon Arwen.
When the feast was over, the fairies each cast their wondrous gifts upon Arwen.
The fairy Frodo gave Arwen the gift of beauty.
The fairy Sam gave Arwen the gift of wisdom.
The fairy Denethor tried to give Arwen the gift of oil and then tried to light her on fire. He was kicked out (literally) and is now being used as Nazgul food.
The fairy Legolas gave Arwen the gift of musical talent.
The fairy Galadriel gave Arwen the gift of grace.
The fairy Merry would've given Arwen a gift, but he was too bust getting drunk and singing with Pippin (who wasn't even supposed to be there). They were also kicked out.
Then Sauron cast a spell. "Arwen will prick her finger on a spindle and die!" he cackled.
Eowyn stepped forward. "Arwen will not die! She will fall into a deep slumber for 100 years and then a prince shall wake her!"
"Yeah, because saying that she's just not gonna die is WAAAAAAAAAAAY too stupid," Galadriel snorted.
Eowyn growled. "You wanna fight?!" she yelled as she went all battle mode.
"Bring it on, bitch!" Galadriel yelled as she changed into the green monster Galadriel. A bitch fight ensued and everyone had some good entertainment for the evening.
Ok, so anyway, even with a beat up Eowyn's (although she did win) assurance that Arwen would be okay, Elrond ordered that ever spindle in the Kingdom to be burned.
"Uh, sir?" Legolas said. "You can't order that. The Kingdom's democratic and they have a right to vote."
Elrond went off into a corner grumbling. But later he used his super-duper elf powers to burn all the spindles in the kingdom, and mass chaos ensued for several days.
Arwen grew into a beautiful young woman. She had all the gifts the fairies had given her so she was almost perfect. When she was PMSing, however, it was an entirely different matter. But let's not go into that, alright?
Many princes from many lands asked for her hand in marriage. Arwen refused them all. Well, actually Arwen thought that they were all fine, but they were all men and Elrond refused to let his daughter marry a mortal, because he thought they were inferior to elves.
One day Elrond took Arwen to a castle in the country. While she was attempting to hide from Elladan and Elrohir, she found a little room at the top of one of the towers. There sat an old lady, spinning thread, using a spinning wheel and spindle. But the old lady was really... THE WITCH KING ANGMAR!!!! And he was sent by Sauron to make Arwen prick her finger!!!!
Arwen had never seen a spinning wheel and spindle before, so she asked the "Old lady" if she could try. The "Old lady" nodded, and held out the spindle. Arwen took hold of the spindle, but pricked her finger and fell down in a deep sleep.
"Now Arwen will be asleep forever!" Angmar cackled as he untransformed from the old lady. Unfortunately for him, Eowyn was out for his blood at the time since he had killed Theoden, and heard him, and she ran up to the tower and killed him. Then she spotted Arwen on the floor....
Eowyn groaned. "Why did it have to ME who found Arwen?" she grumbled and then went to tell Elrond what had happened to poor Arwen.
They tried to wake Arwen, but it was in vain. Finally Elrond ordered the servants to take her to the finest room in the castle, and lock it so that poor Arwen wouldn't fall victim to Elladan and Elrohir's pranks.
There, on a bed embroidered with gold and silver, Arwen lay like a sleeping angel.
"It is well that the princess sleeps in peace," Eowyn said, "but I am worried that when she wakes she will find herself among strangers."
"But we're elves," said Elrond. "We're immortal."
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?!?!" Eowyn screamed at him.
O.O "No ma'am...."
"Good!" And Eowyn took her wand and touched everything in the castle. All the servants and soldiers, the horses and watchdogs, and even Arwen's own pet spaniel, Mopsie, lying next to her on the bed, They all fell asleep, too. Then, to keep anyone from harming Arwen, Eowyn encircled the castle with a forest of brambles and thorns so thick no one could get through, and so high that only the very tops of the castle's turrets could be seen above the bushes.
A hundred years went by. Another royal family came to rule the Kingdom. One day the King's son, Aragorn, was riding out in search of adventure (actually he was trying to get away from this Mary-Sue fangirl that kept following him around), when he glimpsed what looked like the towers of a castle rising above a gloomy forest that wasn't really a forest at all, just lots of prickly little thorns that really hurt if they get you in the butt. Just ask the hyena's from "The Lion King". They know all about the evil little thorns.
Anyway, Aragorn questioned some passersby, who agreed that the towers were indeed those of a castle. But some said it was full of ghosts, some that it was the haunt of witches, and others that a foul ogre lived there who ate children. Then an old farmer spoke up: "As a boy, I heard that a beautiful princess sleeps in that castle, waiting for the prince who will wake her!"
Aragorn's heart pounded with excitement, and he set out at once for the castle. Because if he saved the princess, then he could get laid! And he could get rich! Even more so! And he could brag to all the other princes about it! And even if he didn't get the girl, he could brag that he had an adventure that consisted of many perils! It was a win-win situation!
When he reached the forest surrounding the castle, the thickets of brambles and thorns mysteriously parted to let him through. But Aragorn wasn't a pansy prince, so he took another path and hacked his way through with his trusty sword Anduril.
He reached the courtyard and marveled at all the bodies of people and animals that lay, as if dead, all around him. Obviously, someone had bewitched them. Aragorn grinned. Now he could break the spell and get an even bigger reward! YAY!
He went into the guardroom and saw the gaurds standing in line, pikes at their shoulders, snoring away. Very loudly. Aragorn had to cover his ears so that he wouldn't go deaf. Then he went into each room in turn until at last he found the chamber where the princess lay sleeping.
Aragorn (Having read many fairy tales in his youth) knew just what to do. He kissed Arwen and she awoke with a smile on her face.
"Is that you, my prince?" she asked. "I have waited for such a long time."
"Actually, I was just hoping to get some money and get laid...." Aragorn said nervously,
"WHAT?! You mean I waited one hundred years just to have a one night stand!!!" Arwen yelled.
"Err... Yeah..."
Arwen sighed and then got out of bed, taking his arm. "At least your better than those two stewards sons...." She said gloomily.
Now Aragorn, being the kind gentleman that he is, said, "Well, I suppose I could marry you..."
"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!" Arwen cried happily. And she dragged Aragorn off to be married, despite Elrond's screams of, "HE'S A MORTAL MAN!!!!"
----------
Pyro: WHOOHOO!!! MY FIRST LORD OF THE RINGS FIC!!! I FEEL SPECIAL!!! (Does a little happy dance)
Legolas: --UUUUU You need help....
Pyro: I know. Isn't life great?
Legolas: --UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU