I own neither Rookie Blue, the characters or the plot. All credit goes to Tassie Cameron and others.

I knew from virtually the first night in the parking lot that she was different. I knew that she would challenge me, push me and entrance me. I knew that she would affect me; I just never anticipated the strength that Andy McNally would knock me off of my feet.

I remember sitting in the Penny the night after I first told her that I loved her. I remember the care I took to nurse my drink and the patience with which I fixed my eyes to the door just waiting for her to walk in. I had never felt so much trepidation and excitement at one time. You learn to control your emotions as much as possible on this job and not allow them to overtake your conscience, but every time I think of McNally I can't help but allow her to invade my vision, my thoughts and my senses. She makes me forget who I was trained to be and all I was trained to do; that's why I told her I couldn't do my job and be with her. The heart of the matter is: I love her too much to endanger her by not being on the top of my game. I love her so much that I can't bear to put her in danger and lose her like I lost Jerry.

Now, six months on from when she didn't show and my patience shrank into obscurity, I look back at that night with surreal sense of fondness. As much as it hurt me that she failed to walk through that door after all I'd said, all I'd promised, I admired her. I admired her determination and her resolve to do something for herself and move on with her life like I had demanded she should. It's the strength of her character, her fiery attitude and lion's heart that first drew me to her and continues to entice me. From the minute I spoke to her on the phone today, my rapidly beating heart stilled and my breathing became regulated again because I knew that she was ok. I knew she was still fighting with her heart to keep safe and I knew that she was determined to reach the help she needed. My admiration for Andy McNally grew tenfold this afternoon and the feelings that I had managed to suppress, reignited a burning fire more fierce than I could ever hope to contain.

Hope you enjoyed Chapter 1. If you did, please review- they make my day :)