This story was inspired by Christopher Moore's Dirty Job.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters
Chapter 1: Death of a God
Cupid sat restlessly in an air vent watching the fight below him. He's been watching the pair for the past 2 hours waiting for the right moment to strike. As much as he loved his job, he hated missions like this where you spent 2/3's of the time waiting and a third of actual action.
He's been on this particular case for two months now. Every time he had a clear shot of his target something would go wrong. Whether it would be a lair exploding, a doomsday device going off, or even the occasional swarm of monkies, the outcome would always be the same; failure.
Today was different. Today was the day he would get his target. He would have given up on the pair a long time ago if he wasn't so passionate about his work. Cupid took out his notepad and reviewed his check list.
'Lets see' Cupid thought. 'No evil monkies?… check!. … No exploding lairs?… check!… No exploding doomsday device?… check!… No 8 foot cuddle bear thingies? … Check! …. No distractions?' Cupid scanned the room looking for any potential problems 'Check!'.
With a smug look Cupid closed his notebook and glanced back down at the pair. The smaller girl had kicked the other girl in the chest, sending her flying across the room. Cupid saw this as an opportunity to hit the girl. He took his bow and arrow and carefully aimed it at her. He took one last look around making sure there was nothing there to ruin the moment. With a victorious grin he refocused his attention back on the redhead.
Unfortunately, Cupid, too caught up in the moment, failed to notice the glowing green plasma hurling towards him.
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"Give it up Kimmie. We both know what the outcome of this battle is" Shego smirked.
"You're right Shego.. I might as well give up" Kim said, dropping her fighting stance.
"Really?" Shego asked incredulously while dropping her fighting stance as well. "Ha! I knew you'd see it my wa-" Kim delivered a kick to Shego's chest.
Kim rolled her eyes "Honestly Shego, did you think I would give up that easily?" Kim smirked. "Besides I still owe you for that noogie you gave me Tuesday."
Shego clutched her sides and groaned while sitting up. Inwardly cursing her for falling for that obvious set up but she also couldn't help herself from smiling at the dirty trick Kim had played. Shego thought back to when she first met Kim.
She knew Kim for 3 years. The 1st time she encountered the red head she thought she was a goody two shoes who was way in over her head. Just saying a curse word in front of her would have been thought as morally injustice. But after the years Kim proved her other wise. Now, the red head my not be as scheming or as foul mouthed as Shego but she's no Mother Theresa either.
"What are you smiling about Shego?"
"Nothing… Just picturing your face when I do this" Shego said while projecting her plasma at the air vent above Kim hoping that will distract the red head long enough for her to sneak in a punch or two… or five.
Shego quickly made her way behind Kim more than ready to pay her back for her earlier stunt.
"AHHHHHH!"
Shego stopped mid-kick upon hearing the ear shattering screaming that was followed by a low thud.
"What the hell was that?"
"Uh.. I-It came from over there" Kim said nervously. She was startled that Shego managed to get behind her so quickly and without notice. No matter how many times she fought her, the pale woman could still get the best of her.
Kim, followed by Shego, cautiously made her way towards the pile of boxes where the noise came from.
"Oh my god…" Kim gasped wide-eyed.
"What is it? Whatcha find…" It was then when Shego noticed the motionless man lying on the floor.
Lying before them was an unconscious man with wild blonde curly hair and a set of wings attached to his back. He appeared to be wearing an adult size diaper with a bow and a cluster of broken arrows scattered on the floor near him.
"Oh my God.. Shego… he's-"
"A sick fuck if you ask me"
"What? No! I meant -" Kim started again only to be interrupted by Shego.
"Look Kimmie. I know you don't have much experience in this kind of things so let me tell give you a little lesson here Princess."
"NO! SHEGO! HE'S-"
"Don't interrupt. See what we have here is what we call a 'pervert'. He probably gets some kind of thrill over watching two girls beat the shit out of each other. And as for the diaper.. Well.. He probably has some kind of freak fetish-"
"SHEGOOO!!" Kim yelled exasperated.
"WHAT?!"
"Look" Kim said while pointing down.
The man now had a bright golden aura surrounding him.
The man suddenly burst into a million of tiny lights which engulfed both Kim and Shego. For a moment. All was calm. Neither woman felt anything. No pain, no pleasure, no thoughts. As quickly as the calmness swept over them, it was rudely shattered by a brief moment of excruciating pain. Both felt as if the fabric of their beings were slowly but surely being savagely ripped apart. Then there was darkness.