I Don't Smile

by Xx.WildatHeart.xX

I have one rule. One rule I will never, ever break. That is all I ask. I didn't used to be so harsh, so cold. I used to smile, to laugh. But people change, and things you don't want to happen, do. It isn't until now, though, do I realise you've got to get up and fight. Running away doesn't work for everything, especially things that are destined to be.

1. A Single Searing Tear

IDON'TSMILE

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-|THEN|-

They cough, their eyes clenched shut in fear. A single searing tear trails down their left cheek, burning like blazing, blistering fire. They choke, paralyzed by the sheer weight of the mangled metal. Their heartbeat accelerates, thundering and thundering in their ears. It thumps against their chest, gaining velocity with every pound of their heart.

- | N O W |-

I gasp, bolting upright. Beeps scream around me—I ignore them, paralyzed with fear as I watch the images surge through my mind. I grip the starched sheets, my nails digging in my skin as I swallow. I feel feverish, faint. I shiver, my bones rattling as I sink back on my pillow, submitting myself to the nightmare in my mind.

I'm remembering it. Every single minuscule detail.

I attempt to breathe, to regulate my gasps. But I fail. I crash back down. Hurtle towards my death. They say life flashes past your mind when you die, it doesn't. It goes slow, mockingly. Because not everyone dies—no—they survive.

-|THEN|-

They try to shift, alter their position just slightly. They fail. Immobilized with not just fear, but pain—anger. It's only their heart beating in that truck. Only their ragged breathing sounding in the darkness. A still body lays crushed beside them. They can't do anything, they can't try to change that. They feel dead too.

They don't cry, they don't scream—they are numb. Aghast. They cannot comprehend, understand. So they sit, quiet, detached. Unmoving.

The ashes—extinguished, lay still amongst the wreck. Dead. No sounds echo in the night. It's just them. No full moon. No shining stars. Nothing. Just their shallow breathing and their thrashing heart piercing the silence.

They close their eyes, shutting themselves off from the harsh nightmare—reality.

- | N O W | -

I don't open my eyes this time. Instead, like before, I swallow. Swallow back my tears. Swallow back my screams. It's all I can do to keep quiet. What right do I have to scream, to cry, when my mother lays dead? She can't scream, nor cry. I didn't die like she did. I'm the one that deserves to die.

Swallow. Breathe. Endure. Swallow. Breathe. Endure—my rules. Never cry—I don't deserve to cry.

-|THEN|-

No sound. No movement. Silence. Piercing, painful silence.

Nothing moves. Nothing sounds. Dead. Just dead.

But someone doesn't want to die. They're scared. They let out a cry of pain. Distress. Despair. But they've seen worst—they're sure of it. They've felt worst—they must have. They kick like crazy. Cry in anguish. Metal clangs, echoing painfully in they're ears.

Not far off, someone tenses. They know that sound. They feel their pain.

They kick again. Cry again.

Their attempt to swallow fails. They scream. They're scared too.

- | N O W | -

Is it possible for time to alter? To stop? To slow? To quicken? Maybe not in the real world—but in a dream—a nightmare? Maybe it's possible there? Does time ever retreat? Is that what our memories are? Seeing the past in a single snapshot—a memory?

Do memories come with emotions? Thoughts? Is that why the horrific, scarring ones are called nightmares?

Have you ever wondered if our entire life is just a dream and that one day, we'll wake up?

-|THEN|-

The horse continues to thrash wildly against the letter box red tinted metal, whilst the girl sits silent. Like a ghost in the night.

Dead.