This idea popped into my head and wouldn't go away until I wrote it. So …yeah.
This is a one-shot, and there are no pairings (tho it does hint at TimKon at one point, tho so obscurely it doesn't really count) I wrote this for my own personal amusement, so no flamers! D: got that. And no trying to fix my grammar and spelling, I know my grammar sucks, so no need to point anything out –just keep it all to yourself please)
Disclaimer: I bought the Batman and Robin reborn comic book for a ridiculous amount of money, but I sadly don't own the characters, If I did- then Jason wouldn't have stopped dyeing his hair. And Damian would own 20 cats. And Dick would still be sexy Nightwing. And Tim would be dating Kon. I could go on…
Apology: I know I fudged around with the timeline, but it made better sense that way D: sorry
"Timothy Drake, I think it's time we find you a new nickname."
Tim sat down at the table blinking in surprise at Dick's sudden outburst. He shook his head half in bewilderment, half in amusement.
"What's wrong with Tim?"
"Too impersonal." Dick stated nonchalantly, waving his hand.
"Too…impersonal? Dick- did you steel some of Jason's craziness or something? Are you feeling okay?" Tim seemed genuinely worried.
"Feeling great, thanks for asking. Now I've been thinking of some ideas, let me run them by you, and no, Timmy isn't included since we already call you that." Dick sat down opposite Tim, smiling widely. Tim's heart sank in dread.
"Okay, so how about the nickname 'T-Bone'?" Dick asked, cracking his knuckles.
What am I, a dog? "…" Tim's eyebrows shot up and he tipped his head to the side, looking at Dick as if he was crazy.
"I take it that's a no?" Dick asked.
"Do you really have to ask?" Tim muttered.
"Fine then, here's my personal favorite: 'Tim-buktu'- Isn't that cute?"
"You're kidding, right?"
Dick blinked.
"Oh god, you're not kidding, are you." Tim stated, not needing to pose that question.
"Aw come on, it's cute! I bet Kon will like it."
Tim's face flushed. "Don't drag Kon into this- and no it isn't cute, it's down right stupid."
Dick smirked, "Alright fine, we'll talk about your personal affairs later. Let's see, I have a few more nicknames, but you're pretty hard to please. I already gave you my best two…" He pouted.
Tim rolled his eyes. "Fine, I suppose there's no stopping you. Just get it over with, you're embarrassing me in front of the devil-kid." He pointed at Damian, who sat on the floor in the other side of the room, tinkering with some of the bat equipment and completely ignoring the conversation.
"I'll just give you a list of the rest. So there's Timbit, Mr.T, T-man, Timbo, Ti, Timbal, Timber, Timps, and Timalishous," Dick rattled off. "They're all I can think of right now."
Tim just shook his head, an eyebrow raised. "Sorry Dick but none of these nicknames are very good." He shrugged apologetically.
"But your nickname needs to be awesome!"
"Coming from someone with the nickname DICK."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Nothing, just I rather not have the boy wonder king of puns help me find a nickname, in fact I don't want a new nickname at all." Tim started to seriously become irritated. "Besides aren't you supposed to be doing hero business, Batman?"
Dick leaned back in his chair, stretching out his hands and scratching the back of his head. For a second Richard's upbeat demeanor faltered, and like a mask cracking, bits of worry showed through. As soon as Tim noticed the worry, it was already going back behind the cheerful mask. A large smile spread across Dick's face, looking slightly strained. "I am, in fact I'm working on an important case, I just have some free time while waiting for the results of an autopsy. Besides, last night Damian was giving me a lecture on the brainlessness of nicknames. I then decided to think up cool nicknames for people to tease Damian, and since you were coming to visit, I was reminded of you. Thus I thought of some possible new nicknames."
Tim sighed, shaking his head. "Dick, your mind works in mysterious ways." He then chuckled softly.
Dick just laughed and slugged Tim playfully in the arm. "Tim, you know my mind works in mysterious ways. Remember that one time back in my Nightwing days, when we were undercover as-"
"OH GOD! Don't remind me!" Tim interjected, mock-covering his ears.
"I thought my plan to have us dressed as newlyweds was genius. Bruce even agreed."
"You weren't the one wearing the dress." Tim did not want to be reminded of that time. The only good thing that came out of it was that they stopped Jason from killing a bunch of people. Jason had been planning to gatecrash the party Tim and Dick were at and attack the guests to get to the main villain. As soon as Jason saw Tim, he started laughing so hard he couldn't fight. Or maybe that wasn't a good thing; Jason never looked at Tim the same way again. The whole ordeal was just one embarrassing fiasco. Tim glanced over at the devil-kid who seemed to have stopped fixing the equipment and was leaning his head to the side, an obvious gesture he was eavesdropping on the conversation. Tim definitely did not want to have that conversation in front of Damian. Sighing, Tim decided the only thing he could do was steer the talk back to nicknames, at least that didn't involve him wearing a pink dress.
"So, was that all the nicknames you could think of?"
The nostalgic expression was wiped off Dick's face as he shifted into the new topic. Tim always found Dick's ADD endearing, though a bit annoying at times, this time it worked in his favor.
"No, I wasn't able to think of any more, at least none that sounded very good." Dick spoke enthusiastically, shaking his head vigorously.
"Maybe all you need is some inspiration. Maybe help from someone." Tim opted. Dick glanced over at Tim with a look he recognized well. "Don't look at me like that Dick, I'm not helping you think of any nicknames I don't want. I meant you could ask someone else to help."
"But Barbra's currently busy with helping Dinah on some case, Stephanie is currently working with Supergirl, and Alfred wouldn't be much help. If you won't help, then who else could…" Dick suddenly trailed off, eyes widening. "Of course!"
Tim didn't like where this was leading, he had a sinking idea he knew what Dick was talking about. Dick turned in his chair slowly to face Damian. Crap. I knew it! This couldn't end well.
"Dick we are NOT asking him for help! It's… him! C'mon!"
Dick rolled his eyes at Tim, "Give the little guy a break, he clearly is feeling left out of this conversation, just look." Tim glanced at Damian, who had currently stiffened at the sound of his name. It was hard to tell but it looked as if Damian was blushing…but that couldn't be.
"Dami, turn around." Dick ordered. Damian whipped around with his trademark glare upon his face, as if practiced.
"What." He grumbled.
Dick smiled warmly at Damian, "I know you're putting on this little show for Timmy, but I won't bug you about it, we embarrassed you enough."
"I don't get embarrassed."
"Riiight. Well, I'm sure you heard everything we were talking about, and I was wondering if you could help your old pal come up with a new nickname for Timmy here."
Damian's mouth turned up into what looked like an evil smirk. "Fine Grayson, but you won't like what I come up with." Dick nervously ran his hands through his hair.
Damian stood up and walked over to stand in front of Tim. He took a breath. "Terrible Terrifying tetchy thereoid tonitruous torose touchy testy troublesome tetrahedron Timothy." He then turned around and walked back to his work. There was a beat of awkward silence.
"Um Dami, I don't think nicknames are suppose to be longer than the name…" Dick quipped nervously and turned to Tim, scratching his head "heck I didn't even know a good number of those words, I swear he reads those unique word dictionaries just to sound smarter."
Tim had an un-amused expression. "Thereoid: of, like or pertaining to a beast or wild animal. I could go on. You know none of those words were particularly positive."
"Of course you know what those words were, you little Einstein." Dick muttered, "But well, Damian did warn us. Just don't take it to heart, he cares, really, I've seen it."
Tim raised an eyebrow. "Right. Sure." He stated sarcastically. He'd believe it when he saw it, but for now he didn't really plan on hanging around Damian much to find out.
Dick sighed, "We still haven't decided on a nickname…" He glanced outside and paused. Tim turned towards where his gaze led and saw the bold Batman signal shimmering in the sky.
"I guess we'll just have this conversation later, Batman." Tim smiled, semi-glad for the interruption. His smile fell as he noticed Dick's uneasy expression, and Tim sighed knowing well the burden his brother carried. "You know Dick…you can call me Tim-buktu if you want to…"
Dick smiled and stood up, walking out of the kitchen with Damian at his side. Tim followed, watching Dick pull the cowl over his face before he turned to face him.
"I think I'll just stick to Tim and Timmy." Dick seemed almost amused, "It suits you. Come on Robin, let's go." He called to Damian, who was putting his facemask on. "Will I see you later?" He asked Tim.
"Maybe, I might leave, I have to take a trip to Asia though, If I'm not here when you get back, well I'm sure I'll see you again soon." Dick reached over and ruffed Tim's hair.
"See you later little brother."
Batman and Robin walked out of the room, disappearing around the corner and Tim heard the sound of an elevator door opening and closing. Tim smiled to himself, slowly shaking his head. "Tim-buktu…" He whispered, hoping his old teammates never found out about the nicknames. He couldn't wait to complain to Bruce about them, when he found him. Timothy Drake pulled his own cowl on, and Red Robin opened the window and jumped outside into the cold smoggy Gotham night air.