Family Guy
"Bartender, another beer please." Asked Brian. The bartender goes and gets another beer.
"Here you go." He says. Brian drains another beer. He turns and sees Peter walking in the bar. He motions Peter over.
"Hey Brian!" Peter says. "I don't know what to do. I forgot it was me and Lois's anniversary. And now she is mad and locked me out of the house." The bartender slides Peter a beer and he starts drinking.
"Well, you could get her that coat she always wanted." Brian suggests.
"No a coat is too cheesy. I need to get something we both could use. How about a cat? Eh, a cat wouldn't everyone like a cat?" Peter asks.
"Peter, I will kill you before you get a cat. There is no way you are getting a cat." Brian yells.
"Ah come on. Who doesn't like cats?" Says Peter.
Then Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire stroll in.
"Hey over here." Peter motions them over to their booth. "Hey bartender we are going to need 3 beers." Peter tells him. Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire come and sit next to them and they start drinking and talking.
"So, Peter you forgot your anniversary?" Joe asked.
"It's not my fault. Why do I have to remember so many things, I'm lucky if I remember how to watch T.V." Peter and Brian decide to leave.
"Tell Lois I'll be home later." Peter says while walking down the street. He turns a corner and heads towards the Pet store.
Along the way he meets Alley Al and Dumpster Dave.
"Hey Peter! Could you spare me some change?" Dave asks.
"Um, um, hey look a dollar!" Peter says as he turns and runs away. When he reaches the pet store he sees a sign that said HALF PRICED CATS-LIMITED TIME OFFER.
"Hello fine gentleman could you read what this sign says?" Peter asks a random street walker.
"Sure, it says half priced cats limited time offer." Says the random street walker.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'll take one!" Peter says.
"I'm not the store manager!" The street walker yells more angrily now. He turns and walks away leaving Peter standing by the sign. Peter walks into the store and hears the barking of dogs and the purring of cats and chirping of birds.
"Hello sir. How may I help you?" The employee asks.
"Do you have any cats left?" Asked Peter.
"Well it must be your unlucky day we just sold our last one. Sorry." The employee leaves.
"Wait! I need a cat!" Peter yells. The employee turns around. Scratches his chin and thinks.
"Well now that I think about it we do have one cat. But it has been in the storage room for awhile, but I'll make a deal with you. You can have it for half price and you will have to bump your funny bone against the table really hard." Employee says.
"Why?" Peter asked.
"It will amuse me." Replied the employee. Peter hands the employee the money.
"And…" the employee motions Peter to knock his funny bone against the table. Peter hits his funny bone against the table.
"Ah! Ow! Ah! Ow! Ah! Ow! There's nothing funny about your funny bone!" Peter cries.
"It's funny to me." The employee chuckles.
Peter arrives home very late with the cat. Walking up to the front door he says.
"I'll call you cat with a k." Peter tells the cat, now Kat. He walks in and is greeted by Lois.
"Peter! Where the heck have you been?" Yells Lois.
"Hello Lois, meet Kat. Kat meet Lois." Peter introduces them. Lois gives a disgusted look.
"Why did you get a cat for our anniversary?" She asks.
"Come on who doesn't like our cute little kat. I named him Kat." Peter proudly tells Lois.
"You named a cat, Cat?" She questions.
"Not Cat, Kat." Peter corrects her.
"Cat or Kat, we are not having a cat in our house. It's hard enough with Brian." Lois tells Peter.
"Ah, come on. Just give him a chance." Peter pleads.
"Oh, all right." Lois sighs in disgust. "Just keep him away from me."
"Yay!" Peter yells with excitement. Just then Meg walks in.
"We got a cat!" She says happily. She runs over and takes the cat.
"Yes his name is Kat with a k." Peter says.
"Aw, come on dad can't we name him…" Meg looks at kat then suggests. "Why don't we name him Scruffy since he has scruffy fur." Meg suggests.
"That's a great idea honey." Lois tells her.
"Fine. But I really like the sound of Kat." Peter says. Meg thanks her mom and dad then runs to her room with Scruffy.
"Hello Scruffy." Meg greets, excited about having a cat. Scruffy purrs as she pets him. "We are going to have so much fun together." She tells Scruffy. Chris walks by and sees Scruffy.
"Ah! What is that?" Chris screams. He points at the cat and walks slowly towards it.
"Chris this is our new family pet, Scruffy." Meg tells him. Chris tries to pet Scruffy. Scruffy leaps and lands on his head, and scratches his face.
"Ah! Get him off. Ah!" Terrified, Chris screams and runs out of the room and down the stairs into the kitchen.
"Get off me!" Chris yells. Stewie is sitting there eating his cereal. Chris runs into his high chair and knocks over his cereal. Lois is doing the dishes and Peter is watching T.V.
"Peter look at what the cat is doing!" Lois yells at Peter.
"Hang on… Ok commercial. What did you say?" Peter asks. Lois looks at him disgustedly and goes over to Chris and takes Scruffy off his face.
"Blasted! Chris look what you did." Stewie yells at Chris. Lois picks up Stewie and cleans him with a washcloth. Scruffy tries to walk away unnoticed.
"Where do you think you're going?" Stewie says as he runs after Scruffy.
"Uh, I was just going to take a stroll outside." Scruffy says as he walks out the door. Chris goes up to his room and Peter tries to tell Lois not to be mad at the cat.
"Fine. I won't be mad at the cat, I'll be mad at you Peter for getting the cat!" Lois yells at Peter. "I guess Chris just scared him." Lois says.
Stewie paces around his room saying, "So there going to keep him and he is going unpunished. It seems like I will have to take care of this myself before he steals their love for me." He goes outside to find the cat to talk to him. Once he finds the cat he talks to him about Peter and Lois.
"Yeah, they're great for letting me stay." Scruffy says.
"Yes, yes. Very nice of them." Says Stewie.
"I guess I should get going." Scruffy says while walking away.
"Just as I thought. He will try to steal their love. I will have to put an end to this." Stewie says.
Back at the house Meg yells at Chris.
"Way to go Chris. You made Scruffy ran away." Meg screams as she runs up to her room.
"It's not my fault he attacked me! The cat is a sociopath!" Chris yells up to her. Back outside Stewie is heading towards the gym.
"I better get in shape for this." He says to himself. He walks into the gym and sees the owner.
"Hello, I'll need a membership." Stewie tells the man.
"Ok. What is your goal for fitness?" He asks.
"I need to take care of a pest." Stewie tells him.
"Well we have the Rocky package." He says.
"That will do." Stewie tells the man. The owner takes him on a tour of the gym.
"And here's the Rocky area." The owner says and you can hear eye of the tiger in the background. The owner leaves Stewie. Stewie does push ups, sit ups, lifts weights and practices on a punching bag.
A week later Stewie stops at a weapon store.
"I'll need your best." He tells the man at the counter. The man pulls out a secret compartment with grenades, a handgun, a M16, a sniper, numchuks, and a ninja suit. Stewie nods, then hands him a briefcase and walks away.
Back at the house Peter takes Scruffy with him to the Drunken Clam. They come home late and Scruffy is very drunk. Lois yells at Peter for taking the cat with him to the bar. In the morning Stewie stalks Scruffy to find out his routine.
"In a few days you're a dead cat." Stewie whispers.
A few days pass and Stewie is ready. He has his ninja suit and all his weapons. He sets some booby traps. He gets his sniper out and ready. The cat is in his sites and just as he pulls the trigger he moves.
"Blasted!" Stewie yells. He pulls out his M16 and opens fire at the cat, but again the cat dodges and Stewie hits the dishes and the dishes break and pieces fly everywhere. Stewie hides as Lois walks in.
"Scruffy! Look what you did!" She yells at him.
"What! It wasn't me!" He says trying to look innocent. Scruffy walks away and Lois cleans up the dishes.
Chris comes down the stairs and walks towards the kitchen. He gets caught in the booby trap.
"Ah! Help!" Chris screams. Lois comes over and gets Chris out of the booby trap.
"Oh my gosh, who did this?" She asks looking around. Stewie sees the cat and runs in for the kill but the cat sees him coming. Stewie dives and tackles the cat and they get in a fist fight. Stewie pulls out his numchuks and attacks Scruffy. Scruffy pushes over a bookcase on Stewie but he dives away. Scruffy tries to make a run for the door but Lois stands in front of them.
"Enough." She picks them both up. She takes away Stewie's weapons and puts him up in his room. Scruffy goes upstairs to Meg's room where his bed is.
The next morning Scruffy is missing and there is a note on the kitchen table.
"Dear Griffin's,
Sorry for not saying goodbye but I feel like I don't belong here.
Scruffy"
Meg runs up to her room crying and mad at everyone for not liking Scruffy.
"I guess it's for the better" Says Brian who was sleeping outside while Scruffy was there.
"We have Brian and I think that's all we should have for a pet." Says Lois. They all agree and eat breakfast. "But, Peter you still need to get me an anniversary present." Lois reminds Peter.
"Ah, come on." Peter whines.