Homer Simpson walked into Principal Seymour Skinner's office at Springfield Elementary School. He had just received a phone call from the principal that Bart had gotten suspended from school for the third time in the past month. Homer was relieved that he had a valid excuse to leave work, but was worried about the boy who was sitting in Skinner's office.
"I'm glad to see you, Mr. Simpson," said Skinner, as Homer sat in the chair next to Bart. "You see, Bart's behavior is completely out of line. Just today, he pushed Wendell off the jungle gym, assaulted Sherri and Terri while they were playing on the monkey bars, and used the school computers to send threatening emails to Superintendent Chalmers and yours truly."
"Bart, what do you have to say for yourself?" roared Homer. "And after everything I've done for you lately! Remember when I sent you that copy of Playdude magazine when you were at Dude Scout camp by disguising it through the mail as a copy of Dude's Life? You don't think all the dads would do that for their kids, do you?"
"Oh yeah, and then you got mad at me for making fifty long-distance calls to the Playdude hotline in hopes of reaching Hugh Hefner himself," said Bart.
"You told me you were calling Howard Stern, you little…" yelled Homer, beginning to strangle Bart.
"Homer, Homer," shouted Principal Skinner, forcing Homer's hands off of Bart's neck. "This isn't the point. The point is that you need to start disciplining Bart soon or he'll get expelled from Springfield Elementary and have to transfer to No Mercy Continuation School where he'll get beat off by all the other delinquents on a daily basis."
Bart started laughing uncontrollably.
"I meant 'beat up,' dammit!" yelled Skinner. "Tell your son to stop laughing at me!"
Homer tried stifling his own laughter.
"Anyway, while it's obviously too early for Bart to get a job, I think he should start volunteering in the community in order to learn self-discipline," said Skinner. "Even the local Kwik-E-Mart would be an ideal start."
"Great, I'll talk to Apu first thing tomorrow," said Homer, getting up from his chair.
"Not tomorrow. Today," said Skinner. "If you talk to him tomorrow, it may already be too late."