Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language

Author's Notes: Shuichi and Yuki begin again. Can they truly build their lives together as they had once before, or will the changes that have been wrought on them both made it impossible for them to return to what they once were? (Sequel to 'The Key to My Heart')

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

Unlocking My Love

Chapter 1

Shuichi stood in the centre of the room looking around at what was once so familiar but now seeing it as though with a new pair of eyes. So many things were the same and yet…

"Take a seat," Yuki said as he moved to the kitchen, "Do you want a coffee?"

"Ah, yes, please," Shuichi answered. He turned towards the couch, one foot already poised to take the first step when he stopped. It wasn't the same couch. He hurriedly searched through his still new memories, recalling every moment he could about the couch. No, it definitely wasn't the same one.

"What's wrong?" Yuki's voice startled him so much he gave a little jerk and his lifted foot came down with a thump.

"Eh, nothing! Nothing at all," and he hurried over towards the item in question. Gingerly he sat, feeling the leather give only slightly under his body weight. It was new and just recently bought, judging by the stiffness of the covering and that 'just out of the factory' smell that filled his nostrils. He felt a pang of loss. It didn't seem right somehow. This wasn't the couch of his memories, it didn't belong here in his mind. It was like walking into a room expecting to find a good friend, only to have a stranger turn to face you. It threw him completely off balance.

He reached out a hand and ran it over the seat cushion next to him, feeling the chill against his palm. Why had Yuki got rid of the old couch, he wondered. It had still been in good condition, and he should know considering the number of times he had slept on it. It had been like a part of him over those years, as though it belonged more to him than to Yuki despite him having been the one to purchase it. That couch had been a big part of his life, especially his life with Yuki. He had just been expecting everything to still be the same and this difference, this huge, monumental difference, just seemed so wrong.

He could hear Yuki clattering in the kitchen and he took that time to take stock of the rest of the room. It was… all different, he suddenly realized. It was like looking at something with a strange kind of double vision; one image overlaying the other which only made every small change stand out that much more. There were gaps on shelves when they should have been full, items were in places where in his mind other articles had been positioned, there was no video game controls littering the floor before the TV.

A pressure began building at his temples, a tightening as though a vice was being wound another notch. It shouldn't be different. He had finally remembered, he had finally come back here – it shouldn't be different! A lump formed in his throat and he struggled to breathe for a moment as he felt as though he were being bombarded by the ghost memories of the past, and like ghosts, they were completely insubstantial and did not belong in the here and now. That disjointed feeling only made him feel that he didn't belong here either, that he was nothing more than a relic from that past, a forgotten portion that once had resided here but now no longer had a place as the present moved on and bypassed his existence.

"Here you go," He looked up quickly to see the cup of steaming liquid placed before him on the table, a table that he could remember, even down to the slight coffee ring that stained one corner.

"Ah, thanks," he managed to murmur, grateful that he was able to keep his voice from completely cracking. He reached out and wrapped his chilled hands around the warm mug, chilled not from the touch of the cold leather but from an inner chill that had permeated out to his limbs. He brought the cup to his lips taking a hesitant sip, hoping it would help clear his clogged throat so he could at least converse normally with the man sitting next to him. He couldn't bring himself to look at Yuki yet though. If he did he just knew that he would break down completely.

"You know," Yuki said, leaning back on the couch and taking a sip from his own cup, "Those clothes really don't suit you. It's not like you haven't got the money to dress properly. The least you could do would be to buy something that was actually your size."

Shuichi's head spun for a moment in confusion, glancing down at himself with a puzzled frown which vanished as he realized what Yuki was talking about. "Oh, I borrowed these from Hiro," he explained.

"Really," Yuki's voice was so flat that Shuichi shot him a quick side-long look. What was going on there, he wondered. Had Yuki and Hiro had a fight or something? Hiro hadn't said anything to him. "When were you with him?"

"Earlier tonight," he replied, taking another sip. "I got caught out in the rain and my clothes hadn't dried so I borrowed these."

"Why didn't you catch a cab to his place? Or at least take an umbrella?"

"I…I hadn't really intended going there," Shuichi said, not wishing to elaborate at the moment. The image of the first time he and Yuki had had sex flashed through his mind again, and he couldn't prevent the shudder that ran up his spine. The memory of that pain and the confusion he had felt seemed all too fresh still, even though he knew realistically that it had happened a long time ago. He just needed time to get his head around it.

"So where were you off to?" Yuki pressed. "It was pretty late to just be roaming the streets."

From his position in the opposite corner of the couch he watched the younger man perched on the edge, sitting there stiffly. Why was he acting like he was a guest here? Yuki frowned. Any other time he would be sprawled all over the damn thing like it was his own private possession. Half the time Yuki had to almost fight for room on it, especially after a night Shuichi had slept on it; having to push the bedding, and quite often the body, onto the floor just to be able to sit down.

He hadn't been able to control the flash of ire he had felt in being told that Shuichi had been with Hiro before seeing him. He had felt exceedingly jealous of anyone who had been able to spend time with Shuichi since he had returned to Japan, but mostly with Hiro. He envied their close friendship and had always felt that Hiro had a part of Shuichi that he could never touch and it bothered him that anyone other than himself could have any part of Shuichi. Shuichi was his, and his alone. He watched as Shuichi took another sip, not having answered his question yet. Just what was with the boy?

"Oh, I wasn't going anywhere in particular," Shuichi finally said, shifting a little where he sat but still refusing to sit back more comfortably.

"I thought you went to Tohma's?" Yuki said, slightly accusingly. Was Shuichi lying to him now! "You said you had spoken with him."

Shuichi shook his head, "No, I just called him," He shrugged slightly, "I had some things I needed to ask, and he was the only person I knew who would give me a straight answer."

"Tohma?" Yuki said with some disbelief. "What do you mean?" He was a little confused by what Shuichi was saying. It was unusual enough for the youth to turn to Tohma Seguchi for anything; to do so voluntarily and bypass all his other friends and family was completely unprecedented.

Shuichi set his half drunk cup on the table and turned his head to look at Yuki directly for the first time since they had arrived home. "Well, I suddenly realized that no-one had been telling me the truth. Not since I had come home." Yuki felt his heart contract painfully as Shuichi continued, "No-one was telling me the truth."

"So…" Yuki tried to keep his voice calm. "Why did you go to Tohma? Wasn't he doing just the same?"

Shuichi looked very serious and thoughtful as he continued to regard Yuki. "Actually, no," was his surprising answer.

Yuki was a little startled. He knew Tohma hadn't told Shuichi anything different to anyone else so what did he mean?

"Tohma never said anything to me that was a lie, everything he told me was the truth - always. I just never asked the right questions until now."

Shuichi stood and crossed the room to the windows, moving the curtains to gaze out at the night beyond. It was completely true. Tohma Seguchi hadn't lied to him once since he had come home. In everything he had done, everything he had said, Tohma had always been completely upfront. When Shuichi had asked something, he had got an honest answer. Tohma just hadn't volunteered any additional information if it was not directly related to answering one of Shuichi's questions. That wasn't the same thing as lying. For a start, that was just Tohma all over, even on a normal day. Secondly, he was abiding by his promise to Yuki which is what he had learnt tonight.

He let out a small sigh, his head still hurting as his thoughts seemed to be flinging themselves against the sides of his skull like frightened birds trying to escape the approach of a predator. He had learnt a lot tonight – sometimes more than he thought he could cope with. He let the curtain fall closed and turned to face Yuki once more. The man still sat on the couch, not having moved even an inch. He really was beautiful, Shuichi couldn't help but think, and his heart gave a different kind of lurch as a spurt of warmth filled his chest. He felt his throat tighten slightly as though he were about to cry. He did love this man - that was something he knew was true. But…..

"Tohma never lied to me. Okay, he also didn't tell me the truth but he never outright lied to me. He dropped so many hints to try and tell me that I could have asked him more but I just didn't see them. I don't really know how I missed them, sometimes I'm so dense I surprise myself! So you see," Shuichi said, remaining where he was by the window. "Tohma was the only one that I knew that I could trust completely to give me the truth." Another small shrug, "So that's why I spoke to him first."

"What did he tell you?" Yuki asked in a low voice, not sure he really wanted to know. Tohma could be brutal sometimes in his truths, and even he, Eiri, wasn't spared that at times.

"Everything. Well, at least everything that I could think of to ask in a very short space of time. Anyway, he confirmed the main things that I needed cleared up, which helped a number of other smaller things fall into place as well."

"Things like?" Yuki questioned, probing further. Just what sort of things had Shuichi being trying to find out?

"Us," was Shuichi's straight forward reply.

Yuki took another sip from the almost cold drink in his hand, anything to give him time to think and collect his thoughts. Calm, he thought to himself, stay calm. He's not screaming and running out the door so everything's still okay. "So you really do remember us being together?" he finally asked the question. He needed to hear that confirmation again. Hearing it back in the park had been wonderful, mind shattering so, but at the same time it had seemed too much like a dream, a product of his overactive tortured mind to truly be real. Now, sitting here in what once had been their home, together - now he needed to hear it again.

"Yeah, I think I remember most stuff anyway. The main things at least," Shuichi finally walked back to the couch, sitting once more on the edge, though this time he appeared a little more relaxed than he had been. "I certainly remember how we first met, there in the park." A smile quirked the corner of his lips, "Hardly a great start, was it?"

"Probably not. But we never seemed to go for auspicious moments."

Shuichi gave a small laugh, "That's true; anyway, I remembered that. I remember how I tried to find you again after that too. I remember you coming to my first concert," He focused his eyes on Yuki's. "By the way, did you turn up at the recent concert we held back there?"

Yuki was tempted to say no, to pretend that he hadn't been there at all. It was embarrassing to think that Shuichi might learn of how he had fled that night and the resulting accident. But there was something in the youth's eyes, a wariness that he didn't recall being there previously, which warned him to be honest this time so he answered, "Yes, I was."

A look of relief flashed over Shuichi's face, as though a dark cloud had lifted. "Ah, that's a relief!" he said. He smiled at Yuki, a little wider than before. "I thought I must have been going crazy or something to imagine it. I'm glad that I'm not - at least not yet! Why didn't you stay longer and say hi?"

"I…" Yuki stumbled over the words in his head. "I…had to leave." He left it at that, unable to elaborate. The pain he had felt at seeing Shuichi that night was still too raw. Just remembering it made his heart ache. Later he might be able to tell him about it, but not now.

"That's okay, I guess," Shuichi turned away, reaching out for the cup.

"Hey, I'll make us some fresh ones," Yuki said suddenly, reaching forward to grab the cup from Shuichi's hand. Their fingers brushed against each others, pulling their eyes unwillingly to meet. Shuichi's amethyst ones were wide, making Yuki remember all the other times over the years he had seen the youth look just like that. He didn't know what Shuichi would be seeing in his own but he felt a flood of heat sweep through him. All the longing over the past year, all the pain and heartache he just wanted to forget. He had Shuichi back now, he just wanted to be with him in every possible way he could. The flash of heat pooled in his groin and his fingers tightened a little on the cup held between them. He had him back – and he would have him now!

Shuichi felt Yuki's fingers slip over the top of his, curling around them as they followed the contours of the cup he was holding. The feel of those long fingers almost threading with his own brought another flood of memories to mind. He could feel the heat from Yuki's hand warming his own, the smoothness of the skin. Glancing down he could see the contrast between Yuki's pale skin against his tanned flesh; light and dark, heaven and hell, however you wished to view it. He felt a wave of desire rise from the pit of his stomach as a shiver coursed through him; desire for this man sitting next to him, who was touching him. His whole body seemed to resonate with the feelings rushing through him, like a song swelling, a song entirely to do with the person so close to him. His soul seemed to sing at being so near to this person and a clawing demand deep inside his groin was becoming stronger as his whole body seemed to want to throw itself into Yuki's embrace and be devoured.

The pure intensity of his bodily reactions completely overwhelmed him as his mind frantically tried to reassert control, forcing its will on his limbs once more, fighting for every step of the way. Finally it wrested control from the physical and Shuichi couldn't stop the gasp that escaped him at that final win and his hand jerked away, slipping from under Yuki's grip, pushing him hard back against the arm of the couch behind him. He watched as the cup fell from the loose grip that Yuki had had now that his own hand was no longer part of that joined clasp.

He saw the cup fall as though in slow motion yet unable to even try and prevent the disaster that was about to come. The cup hit the floor and shattered, pieces of china skittering across the wooden boards under the table and couch, and the last portion of coffee that had been in the bottom now spattered over the floor leaving a liquid sheen. Shuichi still couldn't move, staying motionless where he was, still apart from the small quick pants escaping his lips as he continued to try and fully control his own body. He felt that he was at war with himself and he wasn't certain who would be the victor just yet. But what he did know for certain was that he was terrified that if his body won the battle, he would be completely lost.

"I'll get a cloth," Yuki's voice reached through his tumbled thoughts and he felt the couch dip as the other man stood. "Don't move or you might cut yourself."

He heard the sound of the other's footsteps recede, followed by the sound of doors opening and closing, but he could do nothing except remain staring at the destruction at his feet. The broken cup seemed to resemble too closely how his own soul felt; seeming to be whole, until the slightest accident caused it to shatter into pieces.

Yuki's crouched form cut across his view. He saw the man carefully picking up the broken pieces, placing them on the table, before mopping up the liquid. Shuichi struggled to get some words out. He had to say something. "I'm sorry about that," he managed to say. "I didn't realize that you weren't holding it." He couldn't tell Yuki that he had been so terrified by his touch and what he had been thinking that that is why he had dropped it.

"It doesn't matter," Yuki replied, standing and returning the sodden cloth to the kitchen, tossing the broken pieces into the bin as he passed by.

Yuki kept his face turned away from the youth sitting in his living room as he re-boiled the water, fighting back the tears as well as the anger that was threatening to break free. He didn't know whether to crush the boy to him in a fierce hug, or scream at him for his erratic behaviour. What the hell was going on in that head of his! Yuki cursed to himself under his breath, refusing to acknowledge the pain that felt like it was tearing his heart apart. He said he remembered about them, about them being together. Everything Shuichi had said indicated that he knew all about it now. Hell, he'd told him that he loved him a mere hour ago! So why had he acted like he thought he was going to be raped and killed on the spot! He wasn't a monster!

His hand froze in the act of pouring the water as his thoughts ground to a frightening halt. Did…did Shuichi think he was a monster? Now that he remembered everything, did he think that only a monster could have hurt him so much for so long? The hot water reached the rim of the cup and spilled over, running across the bench top. Yuki was completely heedless to it. Was Shuichi frightened of him, afraid of what he might do? Was he a monster?

The touch of hot liquid dripping onto his bare foot brought him rudely back to what he was doing. "SHIT!" he swore, dropping the pot into the sink with a loud clatter and jumping back from the growing puddle that steamed around his feet.

"What's wrong, Eiri! Are you all right?" Shuichi's concerned voice rose from the living area as he continued to mutter under his breathe at his own stupidity. Suddenly the youth was there next to him, worry etched on his face, looking at the resultant mess that had literally spilled across the kitchen.

He saw the corner of the youth's mouth twitch and frowned at him. "Don't even think of saying anything!" he warned him in a low voice as he snatched up a couple of towels and dropped them without ceremony to the floor to sop up the water there before turning to the overflowing cups.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he heard Shuichi reply behind him, but there was laughter certainly bubbling in the voice.

Yuki couldn't help the growl that rose from his chest as he gingerly maneuvered the cups into the sink with more than one scalded finger for his troubles. Finally, with Shuichi's assistance, he managed to get his kitchen back to normal. By this time Shuichi was grinning at him openly. "I thought I told you not to say anything," he frowned at the boy as he tried again to make them the promised cups of fresh coffee.

Shuichi tried to look innocent but the mischief twinkling in his eyes belied the expression, "But I haven't," he protested, "Not a word has passed my lips!"

"Humph!" Yuki snorted, "It doesn't have to! I can tell very well what you are thinking. You're so easy to read."

"Oh, really!"

"Yeah. Anyone with the brain the size of a hamster is!"

"Yuuki!" The familiar wail went up. Oh, yes, that was his Shuichi all right, as he winced as the decibels rose.

"Shut up!" he roared back, cutting across it. "I thought you promised you weren't going to do that anymore!"

Shuichi smirked back at him, not a sign of contrition on his face. He quirked an eyebrow at Yuki, "Gets your attention, doesn't it?"

Why, the little…..Yuki couldn't even think the words as he just stared at the young man before him. He was suddenly struck once again by the changes he could see. It was definitely Shuichi standing there and in some ways he hadn't changed that much from when he had met him in Quebec, but the changes were still….jarring. It wasn't just the hair, both style and colour, or the clothes, or the slight disfigurements that his scrutinizing eye could see so clearly, like the broken cheek bone.

No, he decided, it wasn't any of those things. It was the eyes. Shuichi's eyes may have been the same deep amethyst colour that he found completely beguiling even now, but there were shadows in those eyes, shadows that he had never seen before. And what bothered him the most was that he didn't know what those shadows were, where they had come from, or what they heralded. He hated those shadows. Not only did they mar those wondrous eyes, but they had been created during a time that he knew nothing about. He didn't know those shadows, and he hated the thought that there was any part of Shuichi that he didn't know about and that was kept secret from him.

"Ah, Eiri," Shuichi said at his elbow, nodding towards the bench. "You'd better watch what you're doing or you're going to have the same problem!"

Yuki turned to see the pot boiling violently and quickly pulled it from the heat, before concentrating and this time managing to fill both mugs without mishap. He handed one to Shuichi who took it and turned to return to the living room.

"Sorry about the cup," the youth said, sitting down. "I'll replace it."

"Don't worry about it," Yuki replied, sitting next to him. "I've got plenty of others."

Shuichi laughed, "That's true! You always did have a lot."

"Well, I need them,"

"Only because you leave them lying everywhere when you are working and can't be bothered washing them up straight away."

Yuki shrugged, "Why bother washing them when there are plenty of clean ones?" he stated logically. "They get washed eventually."

Shuichi just shook his head. "Sometimes, Eiri, you really are hopeless."

Yuki scowled at him, "Am not,"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

This time Shuichi's laugh was much brighter and louder. "We are such a pair of idiots!" he said almost fondly.

"Speak for yourself!" Yuki growled taking another swallow of his drink, although he, too, felt better from that little interchange.

Shuichi just grinned back, "So are you sure I can't replace it?"

"Yeah, it wasn't even one that I liked."

"Well, okay then," He took a drink from his cup, "By the way," and he dug his hand into his jacket pocket, pulling it out and opening it before Yuki. "Thank you for this," he said in a soft gentle voice. The gold glittered in the light as it lay nestled in the palm of his hand.

Yuki felt his face flush a little, feeling more than a little embarrassed. He didn't regret giving it to Shuichi, but he was beginning to feel just a little embarrassed at the way he had just blurted it out. He still wasn't one for wanton displays of the more softer emotions. Give him a roaring argument any day - that he could cope with. He snuck a glance upwards to Shuichi's face and was held fast by the warmth in the youth's eyes that seemed to wrap around him like two arms and hold him tightly.

"Would….would you put it on for me?" Shuichi asked a little hesitantly.

Trying to control his shaking hands, Yuki reached and lifted the chain from the hand that held it, leaning forward to clasp it around the neck of his lost lover. Shuichi dipped his head so he could fasten it securely behind and he couldn't resist dropping a soft kiss, so lightly that he was sure the other hadn't even felt it, across the top of the head beneath his chin before leaning back.

Shuichi reached up a hand and lifted the pendent, gazing at it with a small smile, fingers running lightly over the charms before looking up to meet Yuki's eyes. "Thank you. It's just beautiful."

"You're welcome," Yuki responded a little gruffly. What else could he say? I thought I had lost you. I thought I had watched you die. I thought you had left me. I thought I would die. No, he couldn't say any of that to Shuichi.

"You've made some changes to the apartment," Shuichi said, changing the subject before the silence grew too awkward.

"Ah, yeah," he replied quickly, grateful to speak of something else. "Nothing big really, just a few little things."

"Hmm," Shuichi's head turned and Yuki saw him look towards the boxes piled in the hall. "What's all that?"

Yuki's heart clenched again. He had almost forgotten about that in light of the startling events of tonight; Shuichi's things that he had so carefully packed up. Tohma had been going to collect them sometime soon. Now he didn't have to bother. His heart unclenched again.

"They're your things," Yuki said, taking a sip. That's right, he thought, we can just put it all back where it was. I'll have to tell Tohma not to bother coming round now.

"Oh," Shuichi hadn't turned back and seemed to be weighing up the amount of goods that must be in them. "So, I guess that is everything that I had left here."

"Yeah," Yuki responded. His lips twitched with a smile that the youth couldn't see as his back was still turned. "It's amazing just how much junk you still had lying around the place. You've got quite a collection there."

"I…see," Shuichi finally turned back, his face completely calm. "I'll get someone to help me come pick to up so it's not cluttering up you hall. You must have been nearly tripping over it up till now."

Yuki just froze. What..?

Shuichi continued speaking, a small gentle smile on his lips. "I'm glad you didn't just throw it out. Thanks for that."

But….But…Yuki's mind frantically raced. What was Shuichi saying? He was still going? He wasn't coming back! But…..

His mind gave up racing and just settled for huddling in a corner and screaming in pain.

"Hiro could probably give me a hand," Shuichi was saying, pursing his lips in thought, "Actually I could probable get K or Sakano to do it for me. They've got the key to my place so they can just drop it off. That's probably the best. I'll talk to them tomorrow." He smiled again at Yuki over the rim of his cup. "You'll have to come see my place sometime, I bet you haven't seen it yet, have you?" He gave a short laugh, "I can't wait to put all this stuff up now as well! It's going to start getting really cluttered soon, but I don't care! Come round sometime, we could have dinner or watch a video, or something. You know I can cook now. Well," he amended slightly, "At least I can cook a few things without burning the kitchen down. Just don't expect anything too fancy! Annette was the one who was a whiz in the kitchen, although I have to admit that you're better." His smile grew broader. "You do realize though that if you do come for tea I'll probably try to convince you to do the cooking anyway! Just to be on the safe side!"

Yuki couldn't speak. He couldn't make his normally agile, sharp, intelligent mind come up with a single comment that he could utter, even if he could manage to push it past the lump that was closing off his throat and making it difficult for him to even just breathe. Shuichi wasn't coming back to him. Why? Why? WHY! After just accepting his gift wasn't the ungrateful brat coming back to him? How dare he!

The anger churning inside him was threatening to burst into a bonfire, incinerating everything in its path and that would most certainly mean Shuichi. How dare this person tear his life apart for nearly a year, drag him all around the fucking world, make him experience emotions that he hadn't thought he would ever be capable of feeling and with an intensity he thought he would never survive! How dare this person think they could put him through all of that, rip his heart out and nearly destroy him, and then NOT come back to him!

Shuichi had stood and walked over to the boxes, opening the top one to look down at the contents. Yuki stared daggers into that thin straight back; daggers of hate, mixed with anger and most of all grief. He saw the youth reach in and draw something out before turning and returning to the couch with a smile on his face. How dare he think he has the right to smile at me, his thoughts grated out.

Yuki looked down as he heard the clink of the object that Shuichi had removed from the box as he set it down on the table. It was a cup; a cup that Yuki was very familiar with, Shuichi's favourite mug. He looked up into the youth's smiling face. Shuichi's eyes were gentle.

"I found you a replacement cup," the young man said softly, "Try not to break it. That way I know that I will at least have something of mine to use here still." Those eyes seemed to grow even warmer in their regard of Yuki, and he felt his hardening heart melt as the last of the anger faded. "I…hope I will have the chance to drink coffee with you again. Soon."

Yuki swallowed hard, "I expect we could probably find the time to do so most days. If you're free?" he managed to say.

Shuichi smiled deeper at him, "For you, I'll make the time," he promised.

Yuki felt relief now; pure, unadulterated relief. Shuichi wasn't gone completely - not yet. He might not be back fully either but he wasn't trying to leave him – not again.

He looked back at the mug resting on the table. It was like a pledge made between the two of them; a pledge to try and find a way forward just as the necklace had been. He looked up at Shuichi, drinking in those beautiful features, imprinting them all over again in his mind. He was back, at least he had that. And he would do anything he had to keep him this time, whatever it took.

It was time for them both to begin those first tentative steps on that path to the future.