It was just one of those days.
The kind where it didn't matter that the rifle you were using had been your near constant companion for years because it just wouldn't sit right against your shoulder, or your fingers didn't seem to fit around the grip, or the trigger seemed just a hair touchier than usual and you knew it wasn't really the gun. It was the kind of day when it didn't matter what you did or how hard you focused, that rookie you were supposed to be training was still going to outshoot you and go back to the mess to boast about it.
It was the kind of day when even the great Commander Shepard didn't feel right in her own skin.
Kaidan knew it the moment he opened the door to the firing range. Cybernetic implants or not, Shepard had damn good hearing so when she didn't notice his arrival it was nothing short of a giant, waving red flag.
"If I hadn't been drilled about treating my weapons with respect I would chuck you across this range myself," she was telling the sniper rifle in her hands.
"Somehow I doubt that," Kaidan said with a soft smile.
She jumped and turned to glare up at him, "Oh you do, do you?" she retorted, though he could see the fight going out of her even as she spoke.
"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or are you just going to glare at me?" he asked.
Tension was humming through her when he settled his hands on her shoulders. Experience had taught him that there would be no rushing her. Commander Shepard had her own schedule, kept her own time. That's what made her so capable; it's what made her Shepard.
"I can't hit the center of the target for the life of me," she finally said with a sigh that was completely exasperated and borderline seething.
Kaidan knew that wasn't all. He knew a less than perfect day at the range didn't get Shepard this worked up. He slid his hands down her arms, gave her hands a squeeze as he took them in his own. "And?"
She held her tongue for a long minute and Kaidan was beginning to think she wasn't going to answer when she let it go all in a rush. "And I'm not the fresh-faced recruit I used to be. I have scars and lines and I hurt when it's cold. The new recruits are tall and young and they all have this go-get-'em attitude—the attitude I used to have.
"What happened to me, Kaidan? When did I get so… so… worn?"
She said worn because she didn't want to admit she was old. Age was just a number but she had been to hell and back. She'd made that trip several times over. Some soldiers would say she was just seasoned. A pro. They didn't feel every old injury. They didn't share every bad dream.
"Yeah, you're pretty old," Kaidan admitted with that soft little smirk he got when he was teasing her.
She rolled her eyes, "I know."
"And well past your prime," he continued.
Shepard glared up at him but he could see the little gleam in her eye, the one that told him she was trying not to smile.
"And these recruits, all fresh-faced and impressionable. I think it might be time to upgrade to a newer model."
She shoved him and he laughed when he saw her roll her eyes and let the tension go from her shoulders. She grinned up at him sheepishly. "Yeah, okay Major. I get your point. I'm overreacting," she conceded as he tucked her under his arm. "I guess I just got up on the wrong side of the bed."
He kissed the corner of her mouth, his voice teasing her skin and sending shivers down her spine.
"Why don't we blow off lunch and see if we can fix that."