Thank you for my beta-sama Kaya Window~ XD
Pairing: Japan X China.
Warning: Extreme feeling.
Enjoy.
Maybe it was his nature. Maybe it was always there, born within him, since the day he met the lovely older nation. Maybe it grew with him, slowly but surely, eating him alive. It never left him even as he saw how pathetically cheerful and defenceless the older nation was and as it grew bigger, his feelings grew heavier and denser.
Japan wanted perfection. He demanded perfection. Imperfection deserved seppuku, or killing oneself in order to atone for their mistake. He wanted his drawings to be the most beautiful in the world. He wanted his language to be the most used in the world. His pride and strength will influence the whole world. He was born for one purpose—perfection.
So he wanted nothing else except complete, perfect surrender from the lovely, older, beautiful nation—China.
When he was small and his voice was still as pure as the nightingale, he watched with dull expression as China sang with his beautiful and unique soprano. When he was small and language was still foreign to him, Japan bit his lips in silence as the older nation lent him his writings. When he was small and his culture was still starting to grow, China bombarded him with many fascinating, unique, charming stories and sayings.
It made the perfection-craving self in him boil with anger.
He was jealous. Yes. The older nation was as near to perfection as anybody can be so Japan clenched his teeth and sang in a higher tone than his elder; thus Kabuki was born. Japan took the language of the elder nation and turned it into his own. It was similar yet totally different, easier to write because an easier language meant it was easier for the whole world to learn and thus, more popular. Also the stories and sayings he remembered from China were turned into a string of more exotic tradition that was preserved as his identity.
Just when he was ready to say to China, "Look, I have become a nation you can be proud of and compare to", the world changed. The world changes every millennium, every decade, every second. And in the midst of alteration, China changed too, even though he was one of the oldest to exist. Japan was busy westernizing himself, trying to be better and better, to be more perfect so one can't imagine his disappointment when he turned around to find his model of near perfection taken down by opium and disembodiment and embarrassingly taken piece by piece by western nations.
He saw how China was forced to open his gates—his legs were opened for the foreigners' rush. He saw how China's open mouth was shoved with unfair treaties. He saw how China's body was broken into pieces by the westerners. And China did nothing to stop it. Nothing.
Nothing.
Disappointment exploded in his mind. It was beyond a nightmare. He was ashamed because he used to see China as his role model for perfection. The slut of a nation was as far from perfect as anyone can be. He was dissatisfied. Where was the perfect, lovely, and beautiful nation that China used to be? Where did he go and who was this impostor who stayed silent as his body was divided to own by rude, barbaric nations?
It was time for him to bring justice into the world. It was time for him, Japan, to change the world's view on perfection. Japan wanted to show that though he might be small in size, his strength was like no other. Germany and Italy opened the chance for that and of course, the first thing he did was clean up the mainland of China and remove all the bugs. He wanted to bring back the majestic being he based his whole culture on.
He brought his sharp, long katana. Japan stepped in and walked towards the weakened nation, who was busily trying to defend whatever dignity he had left. With no hesitation, the sword slashed over the back of perfect skin. The injured nation turned back and looked at him in disbelief.
China couldn't believe it because he was stabbed in the back by the nation he truly believed would always guard his back and never harm him.
Strange feelings grew in Japan's heart as the big eyes produced tears of incredulity to what was just happened. As blood trickled down his blade, Japan felt his body grow colder. He was frozen. He just realized where his perfection craving has led him to. He harmed the older nation, the one he should be helping, healing, to repay what China had done when Japan was still small. He should be protecting, not swinging his blade to make more scars on the weakened nation. Furthermore, he just realized that all he wanted was to make the beauty his.
The feeling inside him suddenly became clear; he wanted to monopolize China. He wanted to carve his name on China's body, like a tattoo. He wanted to make the elder nation proud of him. He wanted to show that he had grown into a fine and perfect nation that deserved equal recognition from the oldest East Asian nation. The anger he felt when he saw China opening his legs for everyone was called 'jealousy'. This jealousy was different from what he felt as a child. When he was a child, Japan was jealous because China was everything he wanted to be, but now, after he grew up and understood the world better, the feeling has grown into the feeling of desire, to dominate China's everything. This jealousy was accompanied by something called 'love'.
Japan had always wanted to be perfect. He always demanded perfection, either from himself or from the world. He wanted to change the world into a place of what it should be, but his view was his own, and it was not shared by most other nations. As individuals differ in views, nations differ in aim. Most of the time, those aims fail to walk in parallel to each other and now he just realized that his aim had crossed and destroyed everything he held dear.
And what can he do?
Even the deepest apology can't return everything to the past. It's not like he can admit what he felt in honesty so he dropped down to his knees and cried out the love of his life's name for the last time as a substitute to everything.
When perfection ruined a life. XD
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