Hey, guys!
So, this is my newest FanFic -- The Beginning After the End.
This chapter is mainly the prologue that goes over all the history of Bella's situation. There's not too, too much dialogue in this chapter, and almost nothing with the rest of the group since they're not important in this chapter.
Next chapter, however, they'll be back -- which will be just like a normal FF chapter.
This story is going to have a LOT more detail in it, too... it takes me forever to think up really elaborate situations for the characters to be in -- jeez, it's tough!!
I guess I'll have to think of some witty saying for my reviewers on this story... mainly since "Fierce bitches" won't fly with this shit, haha.
So here it is, y'all.
I hope you like it -- even just a little bit.
Disclaimer: I'm not going to lie... I don't own Twilight.
It's almost like I want to torture myself. No matter what I do, where I go or who I see... my thoughts always return to the same thing. People always say how simple it is to get over it all – to move on and forget – but it's the complete opposite for me. It's virtually impossible for me to get over my situation...
I'm not sure I want to, anyway.
From the outside looking in, you might say that it's like fate is smiling down on me. From the inside looking out, it feels more like fate is trying to tear me down. Rip me to shreds. See how much of this I can take before I snap.
I can't help but blame myself – I mean, look at me, plain and average. Average height, average looking brown hair, average brown eyes, average grades... average life. If I were above average and more interesting, maybe none of this would be slapping me in the face every day.
Actually, no. If there's one thing that I am – I'm interesting. I see things differently than other people – more beautifully, if you will. Unfortunately, we all know that being simply interesting won't get you anywhere in life.
That's why I'm here, after all. Sitting on this glowing mattress, pressed against the wall, in a room lit by black-light. I lean my head back, allowing it to bounce off the wall on impact. I can't feel any pain, luckily.
Thanks to the alcohol.
The entire room is black except for the white mattress, my glowing form on it, various lamps and the couch with a couple making out on it. I tug on my loose curls and mentally curse him for doing this to me.
For bringing me down to this.
Two years ago, things were completely different. Things were perfect, even. I was fifteen and wonderful and most importantly, he was still my best friend.
"So what's it like?" He asked, emerald eyes lighting up in curiosity. His bronze hair swirled in the wind as we walked from the school bus to the main entrance of the school. He wasn't as tall then, his voice not as deep, and still had some baby fat on him. He was awkward and gangly and still coming into his own – there never were girls crawling all over him.
But I saw him differently than everyone else.
I saw him as someone beautiful.
His personality was brighter than anyone's in this shabby town called Forks. His personality was something special, but no one really saw that except me.
"What's what like?" I tried to avoid the question. Well, in retrospect, I guess I was trying to protect him.
I sat down on one of the large seats in the atrium of the school and patted the seat next to me.
"You know... oh, come on, Bella, don't make me say it out loud," he groaned in frustration as he tossed his backpack on the ground.
"Edward, it's really not anything special. Why do you suddenly want to know what it's like? In all seriousness, you probably wouldn't like it. Hell, I don't even like it!" I mumbled.
"Well then why do you do it?"
"What, weed?"
"Yeah."
"Please, Edward, I hardly do weed. It's really only whenever I'm hanging around with Lauren..."
"Which is pretty often these days. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've been getting high almost every weekend for the past four months! I'm not saying I want to try it – in fact, I never want to try it – but I just want to know what it feels like! Come on, Bella!" Edward whined, tugging on my sleeve.
I looked around awkwardly, making sure that no persons of authority were in hearing distance, before I started to explain the drug to him.
"Well, as I said before – I don't really like it. The high, I mean. Basically, the smoke burns the back of your throat, and the high doesn't hit right away. So you typically have to stop after five or six puffs to see if you need any more," I explained, looking over to see Edward's face twisted between concern and interest, "for me, I just keep hitting the joint until I feel the high – or rather, see the high. See, it's kind of like tunnel vision in the literal sense. Everything becomes almost... 3-D. That's what I don't like about it. Everything is too surreal and in your face. I get too nervous."
"Then stop smoking, Bella. It's not a very attractive quality. Besides, if you don't like it, that just gives you even more reason to stop. I mean... what happens if you get so fucked up that some guy like... takes advantage of you or something?!" Edward boomed, throwing his hands in the air.
Edward hardly ever got angry with me. It was always such a terrifying experience when he did. I never wanted to make him angry because he was like my rock – where would I lean if I didn't have my rock?
"A shit-load of people smoke weed, Edward. We're teenagers. Live a little. You don't even drink!" I chuckled awkwardly, trying to prevent more attention from being drawn to us.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally anti-smoking. I'm personally very against it, and I think you should be too, but other people can do as they damn well please. I don't give a fuck about them; I give a fuck about you," he sighed, tapping his foot on the ground angrily, "and as for drinking... I don't know. I'm starting to think that I might try it one day. You seem to have fun when you do that."
I noticed that we only had minutes left before class, so I stood and gathered my bags, tugging Edward up with me.
"Are you sure? I mean, you were so against drinking even just a few months ago...," I probed. Honestly, I was pretty excited to have a new drinking partner – he and Jasper were the only ones who didn't drink out of our entire group.
"Yeah, I won't do it too often or anything. Don't want to kill myself, if you know what I mean," Edward laughed.
That's another thing I miss. His old laugh – it used to be so happy and musical. Almost like he didn't have a care in the world.
Edward tried to change the subject as he walked me to my first class, but I could tell our previous conversation was nagging at him. We rounded the corner and I was about to walk into my class before I felt Edward's hand grab my wrist and tug me back.
"Bella," he started, staring at the floor, "I know it's not my place to ask something of this from you. But can you please stop smoking weed? Or at least stop hanging out with Lauren – she's such a bad influence."
My jaw hung a little slack as I processed his request. Did I want to change my ways? Was there a good enough reason to?
"For me?" He added, eyes pleading, "Please just stop. I'll see you in History."
And with that, he turned on his heel and walked off to his class.
Little did he know that simple request was all I needed.
For him.
I stopped hanging out with Lauren after that day... for him.
I stopped smoking that day... for him.
Funnily enough, the absence of the drug wasn't minded by me at all. In fact, my grades and overall concentration improved as well – but I like to tell myself it was because I was growing up. I'm too stubborn to let Edward be right about everything.
A few weeks later, in late April, while sitting together in History class, we hit another milestone.
"Okay, so I've got a new one!" I shouted in excitement.
"Jeez, calm the fuck down, Bella... go for it," Edward laughed as his pen scribbled across his page, writing his own study songs.
We were making a compilation album. World War II – Greatest Hits.
"Alright, it's to the tune of the Digimon theme song."
"And what's the subject?"
"Uhh," I double checked my page, "Germany's basic plan to capture France."
"Tough one," Edward commented. He turned in his chair to face me, head in his hand that was leaning on the desk.
I chanted my song, loud enough for the whole class to hear. I didn't care at the time. I was happy being the loud and happy kid in the spotlight. My teacher, Mr. Miller, didn't give two shits about Edward and I basically teaching the class every day – since we always had an opinion and were constantly talking. But this song... this song the class deserved to hear.
Yep. I covered everything from the Triple Alliance down to the Schlieffen plan.
"Epic! Yeah, yeah! That one can be our first single!" He laughed, quickly adding it to our list of songs.
"How many do we have now?" I asked.
"Around ten. We've got the entire war covered," Edward smiled. He ran his hand through his hair and kept adjusting his shirt.
I noticed that this meant there was something on his mind that he wanted to talk about.
"What is it?"
"What's what?"
"What is it that you want to ask me that you've been avoiding for the entire class?"
Edward looked down at his hands on his desk, twiddling his thumbs. He always used to wear such childish shirts, too. Ones relating to video games or stupid sayings that were the equivalent to the ones girls wore that said things like, '99% angel, 1% devil!'
You knew you were rebellious if you wore those shirts. 1% devil. You devil, you!
I waved my hand in front of his face, "Well?"
"I want to drink. Tonight," he said in a rush.
Hm. Maybe he did deserve to wear that 1% devil shirt.
"Oh. Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Well, Jasper's having a party tonight...," I hinted. I knew his newfound interest in drinking was spurred by Jasper – his other best friend – who had recently converted to the dark side, too. Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, Emmett and I would drink on the weekends while Edward stayed sober. I always spent time with him, though, so he didn't feel too lonely.
"I know. I'm going," he said.
"Great! I get to be there when Edward Cullen gets hammered for the first time in his life. My little boy is growing up!" I pretended to flick a tear away from my eye as I leaned in for a one armed hug.
And I was there when he got hammered for the first time that night. And the time after that, and the time after that.
However... it was also around then that I noticed things were changing.
We were growing up, yes, but I mean things between us were changing.
We got in stupid fights more and more often about stupid things. I remember getting mad when I noticed he was drinking a lot more than he said he would – making it a weekly occurrence.
I remember getting mad when he would cock-block me at parties.
I remember getting mad when he started spending more time with Mike Newton and James in our History class, rather than with me.
He would get mad at me when I drank too much and hooked up with Mike Newton or James from our History class.
But in the end, we were still best friends. Nothing could tear us apart.
By the time the summer vacation rolled around, we spent a lot more time together than usual. He always wanted to drink, so typically – that was what we would do.
One time, I had been invited to a party at Mike's and brought the gang along. Edward was the only one who stuck by my side throughout the party instead of trailing along with the others. Even if he did cock-block me, it was nice of him to stay with me even though he didn't know the people I was talking to.
As I said... things were wonderful. For the most part, at least.
But, of course, Bella Swan only gets teased with perfection – I can't actually have it.
Within one week at the beginning of September, right before school started, my life managed to go down the drain.
Edward and I had become even closer, if that were possible, over the summer vacation. Drinking buddies, party buddies... everything buddies.
Over those few months, as well, I noticed that he started to change. His wispy bronze hair became more tame and he looked less gangly. He was still awkward, and the girls still paid no mind to him, but the change was still there.
Jasper decided to have a back to school kegger and the bulk of the grade showed up. You know how it is, people were bumpin' and grindin' everywhere – except not really, since we all know people don't actually dance at parties.
However, there was a dirty amount of drinking going on. Edward and I were the champions of various flip cup, beer pong and other tournaments. Needless to say, we were probably two of the most hammered people at the party.
After playing a game of Kings with a few people I wasn't really friends with, I decided to venture through the house. I made my way through a few rooms before deciding to see what was going down in the basement.
I walked down the stairs and around the corner, only to see two people lying on the couch mumbling something.
I tried to eavesdrop on the conversation, but stopped once I heard my name come up. I'm too much of a pussy to be able to listen to people trash talk me, or whatever those two were doing.
I heard the girl in the conversation say something about the other person doing "the right thing", before I saw the girl – who turned out to be my friend Angela from English -- pass me by and make her way up the stairs.
I poked my head around the corner only to see Edward sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.
"Don't look too chipper there, Captain," I laughed awkwardly as I walked slowly over to the couch.
Edward's head snapped up as he struggled to make eye-contact with me. His eyes were seriously blood-shot from the beer, and he had plenty of said beer on his shirt. His cheeks were flaming red and his hair was a mess.
I'm sure I didn't look any better, though.
"How long have you been down here?" He asked, closing one eye – I assume to focus better and get rid of the double vision.
"I, uh, just got down here. What were you talking with Angela about?" I asked, truly curious – I hadn't thought they knew each other.
Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto the couch so he didn't have to crank his neck to stare up at me. He casually tossed his arm around my shoulders as he spoke.
"Nothing really."
"You realize that I realize that means that you probably were saying something that I would want to know but you're not going to tell me and neither is Angela," I noted.
He nodded.
I twisted myself so that my head was resting on his leg and his arms lay on either side of his body.
"I go out to Phoenix tomorrow," I slurred, "only for a few days. But I thought I'd let you know – wouldn't want you to miss me too much, am I right?"
He chuckled darkly to himself, "You're right."
Naturally, in my drunk state, I twisted his simple words and lashed out at him, "What the fuck is your problem tonight, Edward? You've hardly spoken to me."
Edward calmly reached for one of my hands, laced his fingers through it and tugged it back to his left side. The other arm gently rested on my stomach, rubbing circles to try to calm me down.
"You can be a really shitty drunk when you drink too much, eh, Bella?" Edward laughed, adjusting our hands.
"Yeah, well, you just drink too much in general. What ever happened to your whole 'oh, I don't want to kill myself blah, blah, blah' façade? Liar."
"Hey, the only crime here is that you didn't tell me how fucking epic being drunk is."
"You never asked."
"Touché," he beamed.
In that moment, I noticed that while we had been bantering, he had leaned down closer to me, and his right elbow had moved from my stomach to setting up habitat in my cleavage.
And yet... I didn't mind.
I didn't care at all.
But I could have just been too drunk to care.
Because even though we didn't hook up or anything... I cared in the morning.
Thinking back on what little I could remember about that scene in the basement just felt... intimate. Different.
Right.
It was all I could think of on my flight to Phoenix. All I could think of on my flight back from Phoenix.
Had he felt the same way too? If I had stayed longer, would we have hooked up? Did I like him?
No. I didn't like him... at the time, at least.
He was my best friend, almost brotherly. Almost, but not quite.
On the day I got back to Forks, I had a small get-together at my house – just the group of us.
Of course, we were drinking – since that seemed to be all we ever did – and just enjoying the last few days of summer.
Things seemed to be going smoothly with Edward, neither of us acknowledged what had happened only days before. I kept thinking that I must have been over-analyzing the situation or something since we were acting almost completely normal.
Until a few of Rosalie's older guy friends showed up.
Being drunk, Alice and I thought it would be funny to let them in, anyway. I didn't talk to them, but Rose and Alice were having the time of their lives flirting with the guys. I mainly spent my time downing shot after shot... more than I should have.
Edward, Jasper and Emmett must have been feeling uncomfortable with the randoms being there and started to cause a scene.
Emmett placed his hands over his mouth to muffle his voice like a megaphone, "The cops have been called. Please leave the property. I repeat -- the cops have been called. You are not wanted here."
Rosalie and Alice were getting visibly pissed off with Emmett and the other two.
I was innocently minding my own business in my kitchen, downing some drinks, when I felt a hand on my wrist – twisting me around in my chair.
"Ow, what the fuck!?" I screamed, slurry but effective.
"Get those guys out." Edward's eyes were filled with rage.
"Fuck off; you guys are being such jerks to them. They haven't done a thing to you!"
"They're just trying to get in your pants, Bella! Can't you see that or are you as blind as Rose and Alice?!"
"Did you ever think that Alice and Rose want that? Jesus, and I haven't even talked to them, dipshit!"
"Doesn't mean they aren't still talking about you, Bella." He was absolutely seething, now.
"Well then you can shut the fuck up and get them out yourself because I don't motherfucking care that they're here!"
I slammed my glass down on the counter and stormed out of Edward's view only to hear him scream in frustration. I made my way to my room and passed out until the late afternoon of the next day. Luckily, everyone was gone from my house – allowing me to clean up and effectively avoid a sober confrontation with Edward.
Except I didn't know that I never would have a sober confrontation with him.
Because we never talked after that.
At first, I didn't notice anything was wrong... until he walked into one of my classes and situated himself on the opposite side from me.
Odd.
Then I noticed that he was being more rude to me than... well, ever.
Odd.
Then I noticed that we hadn't spoken to one another in four months.
That, actually, is a lie. I noticed every single day that we didn't talk. He avoided me as much as possible...
And I had done nothing wrong.
Second semester rolled around. I discovered on the first day that I had another class with Edward.
He had grown up a lot since the summer. Not that I was there to witness any of it. I had a spectator's view of watching him turn into a man. He grew tall – around 6'2", I'm guessing – and lean with no baby fat in sight. He was no longer gangly and awkward, but confident and toned. From my not-so-fabulous spectator seat, I could see that his personality was still the same as always – hilarious, yet kind.
Except for when we were forced to hang around one-another – he was a completely different person.
The girls were all over him now, constantly talking about how good-looking he became and how they would do anything for just one night with him. The only thing I could take pride in was the fact that I knew more than the beautiful exterior to Edward, I knew he inner beauty long before the sluts and hookers discovered him.
I watched with a dropped jaw as Edward began to smoke weed. He said he would never do it.
And I couldn't even be the one to tell him to stop.
For me.
Our teacher, Mr. Miller – the very same History teacher from the year before – noticed how Edward and I were sitting on opposite sides of the class, and was surprised at how quiet it was without our "lovely songs."
Edward didn't even so much as glance in my direction as our teacher publicly reminisced about our past.
A year passed by without a proper conversation between us. There was the odd exchange of words if need be... but never more than a "hi" or "excuse me".
When people asked me why I was refusing free weed, I lied and said I was getting blood tests the next day, even though Edward would be blazing only a few meters away.
Every single one of those three hundred and sixty-five days hurt like a bitch.
Which brings me to where I am now; a high-school senior, sitting in a dark and glowing room by herself – well, if you exclude the couple on the couch.
Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett are downstairs with the rest of the 60-odd people here. This house isn't that big, and I don't know the person who lives here... so I came up to this room to avoid everything.
Everyone.
Him.
He's down there right now, probably smoking a j and downing some rum. He won.
Whatever I did to him that made him hate me – he won.
He got his revenge; there's nothing more he could do that would make me feel worse.
... So why do I care so much?
We'll never be friends again – at least, not like before.
So why am I up here instead of enjoying myself?
I get up and walk down the winding staircase and make my way through the swarms of people to the backyard porch.
I look around and see about ten people huddled off in various groups.
One person stands alone in the middle of the porch. Edward.
His back is to me, so I move quickly and buy the nearest joint I can get my hands on from Tyler Crowley, resident drug dealer.
I lean against a free space of balcony and flick my lighter, causing Edward's head to turn in my direction.
I've missed the burn, actually. Why the fuck did I give this up in the first place?
For him? I look in his direction to see his eyes still fixed on mine.
He wasn't worth it, in the end.
I take four more hits before the high hit me like the Hogwarts Train.
I was happy for once.
"Bella, what the fuck?!"
Edward is only a foot away from me, livid.
"You don't smoke," he yells.
I cackle and take another hit, blowing the smoke in his face, "Correction, Cullen – I've smoked longer than you have."
Edward grabs the joint and crushes it beneath his foot.
"You stopped, remember?"
"And you were never supposed to start, remember? But hey, things change. People change," I sneer.
Edward's face contorts into different expressions before returning to a neutral one. He grabs my wrist and attempts to drag me back in the house. I tug it back.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, Cullen? We're not even friends anymore... you can't tell me what to do! You lost that privilege a year ago, you know, when you stopped talking to me,"
"Bella, I—"
"Fuck off. Forever," I say, gliding past him and into the house.
I turn and look out the glass door to see Edward still standing outside, staring right back at me as he crumples to the ground.
So? What do you guys think? Obviously it's not much right now... but you know how things go.
REVIEW!