Author's Note:This is a song fic. This is Robert and Aaron saying goodbye to their relationship. For now. This takes place immediately after Aaron tell's Robert that they can only be "Mates." The song is "All I Ask" by Adele, and it gave me all kinds of Robron feels after the episode broke my heart. You should listen and cry, like I did when I wrote it.
Crushed.
Crushed was the only way to describe the way Robert felt. Aaron stood there and very calmly ended their relationship, after they had made so much progress. Aaron had finally started to let Robert in, and he had gone and done what he always did. He ruined everything.
Paying the kid to lie, in hindsight, was a huge mistake. But Robert had been desperate. Chas was freaking out, and Aaron had been pushed into leaving his own home, just to find some peace. Robert needed to do something. All he had accomplished, was losing Aaron. Again.
Robert took a deep breath, and took another sip of his pint.
He could fight it. He could try to make Aaron see that he was trying to help him. He could tell him how out of sorts his mother had been while he was away. Robert was good at talking his way around problems. But, Aaron wasn't a problem. Aaron, despite being the strongest person Robert knew, was very fragile, and a little bit broken. Gorden had seen to that. No, Robert would respect Aaron's wishes, no matter how much it broke his heart.
The pair remained silent as they finished their pint. Robert, trying to reconcile how close he had been just two days ago, to having everything he ever wanted. Aaron, had to keep reminding himself that ending things was for the best. Loving someone as much as he loved Robert, isn't always enough. Love couldn't make him stop hating himself. Love wouldn't make him stop feeling dirty, and weak.
Aaron had to end things now.
Robert tipped his glass back and finished the last of his pint, and slowly lowed the glass to the bar. He was stalling. He knew, once he walked out of the pub, things were never going to be the same. He would have to respect Aaron's wishes, and that meant keeping his distance. He would have to support Aaron from afar. Maybe after the trial, Robert would take a trip. Getting over Aaron wouldn't be easy.
Robert turned his head when Aaron set his empty glass on the bar. Aaron's head was bowed, and he fidgeted, and then slowly he raised his eyes to meet Roberts. At that moment, they were the only two in the pub. Nothing and nobody else mattered. Twin pounding, broken, heartbeats echoed in their ears. Aaron took a shuddering breath, and clenched his shaking hands into fists. Robert watched, with baited breath, as Aaron inclined his head to the back room, beckoning the tall blond to fallow him. And then Aaron was turning and making his way around the bar.
Chas sat at the small table in the back room as Aaron entered from the pub. She opened her mouth to greet her son, but the words died in her throat as Aaron kept walking, Robert trailing a few steps behind. Both boys looked shaken as they made their way to the back door, and then turned and went up the stairs.
It was like a dream. Something was pulling them to this room – Aaron's bedroom, where they had met in secret so many times. They had made love here. They had taken each other in anger and lust here. They had stripped each other naked, laughing and shushing each other here. This time felt different.
As they stood in the small room once again, it felt like the coda to a beautiful sad love song. Like, no matter what happened, they were always destined to end up in this moment. And what a sad realization it was, that this was actually the end.
"Aaron?" Robert whispered
I will leave my heart at the door
I won't say a word
They've all been said before you know
So why don't we just play pretend
Like we're not scared of what is coming next
Or scared of having nothing left
Aaron stood, facing his bed, with his eyes shut. He could feel the burning behind his eyelids, but he was so tired of crying. Tonight was about saying goodbye to the part of himself that loved this man. Tonight was about remembering and letting go. Aaron opened his eyes, and turned to face Robert.
"This is the last time." Aaron said, voice shaking. And then he stepped forward and pulled Robert into a kiss.
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is If
this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?
The only sound in the room, was their labored breathing. Both men took turns gently removing each piece of clothing, until they both stood naked. Robert took Aaron's hand and led him to the bed, where he pushed him to lay down on his back. Robert crawled onto the bed beside Aaron and hovered over the smaller man. Their eyes met and held until Robert slowly lowered his body, to press their lips together. Aaron parted his legs to make room for Robert, and then wrapped his legs around his narrow hips.
I don't need your honesty
It's already in your eyes and I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me
No one knows me like you do
And since you're the only one that's mattered, tell me who do I run to?
They kissed slowly; hands wondering – remembering each place that brought a gasp to the others man's lips. Aaron tilted his head back into the pillow as Robert's lips found his throat. Robert kissed and sucked gently until he found a sensitive spot, right under the left hinge of Aaron's jaw, drawing a hiss through Aaron's teeth. Robert opened his lips against the sensitive spot and gently sank his teeth into the skin, and started to suck lightly.
Aaron's body reacted like a live wire. His hips bucked, sliding their naked erections together. Aaron's nails raked down Roberts back, as a choked gasp tore from his throat. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure and Aaron wanted more.
Look, don't get me wrong
I know there is no tomorrow
All I ask is If
this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?
"Please, please...Rob...Robert...please," Aaron begged. Aaron had spent so long feeling bad about himself, he just wanted to feel good for a while. And Robert was an expert as making his body feel good.
Robert moved swiftly. He pushed up onto his knee's, between Aaron's legs. He reached over to the night stand and opened the drawer where Aaron kept the condoms and lube. Aaron writhed and moaned as Robert prepared him, and then himself.
Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I don't wanna be cruel or unjust
And I ain't asking for forgiveness
All I ask is...
Robert pressed his face into the crook of Aaron's neck, as he sank into Aaron's body. The tight heat of the smaller man made Robert shiver. Aaron stopped breathing until Robert bottomed out and then he turned his head and sank his teeth into Robert's shoulder as he started to move. They had done this so many times, but this time was different. Aaron's body was different. The new scars spread across Aaron's chest like constellations, and Robert wanted to kiss them all. Robert's hips moved slowly meeting Aaron's hips each time, drawing a gasp every time Robert found that magic spot. Robert wanted to take all the bad memories, and thoughts of hopelessness that Aaron had felt, as he put these scars on his body. Robert wanted to replace them all with love, and kisses and gentle touches.
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just your friend
Give me a memory I can use
When Robert kissed one of the news scars, Aaron trembled. Robert looked up into Aaron's eyes to see if he was okay, but Aaron looked away. He was ashamed. Robert waited until Aaron turned his head back, and their eyes met, and then he kissed another new scar. Aaron's eyes squeezed shut when a knot formed in his throat. Robert continued to kiss each new scar, until he had to switch sides. When he got to the last scar, he looked up to see tears sliding down the sides of Aaron's face.
Robert slowed his hips, until he was barely moving. He lay his body down fully on Aaron, and bracketed Aaron's head with his arms, and then he kissed both of Aaron's eyelids. He kissed Aaron's forehead, his cheeks, his chin and when Robert finally pressed his lips softly to Aaron's, he felt a sob shake Aaron's chest.
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again?
In the end, neither of them reached orgasm. Because this was about so much more than sex. This was about Robert making Aaron feel loved. By kissing each new scar, and each tear that fell toward the pillow, Aaron knew that Robert didn't find him disgusting, or dirty. With each powerful thrust, Aaron knew that Robert didn't think he was weak.
It would have been so easy to give in – to have Robert in his bed every night. Everybody in the Village already thought they were together, and maybe one day they would be. But, they both needed to be stronger individuals first. Aaron needed to make sure that his father was put away, and then he needed to deal with his self-harm issue again. Robert hadn't finalized his divorce yet. He could tell anyone who would listen that he and Chrissie were over, but with the wedding band still on his finger, Aaron would always feel like the "other man."
Robert held Aaron in his arms for hours. The tears stopped after the first hour, as Aaron fell asleep, against Robert's chest. Robert closed his eyes, but he didn't sleep. If this really was the last time he would be with Aaron like this, he wanted to memorize every single detail.
*#*#*
Aaron still slept soundly as the sky began to turn blue, the next morning. Robert knew he wasn't meant to stay the whole night, but he couldn't make himself pull away from the warmth of Aaron's body. Now that morning had come, Robert knew it was time to go. He wanted to spare Aaron the awkward "morning after" conversation.
Aaron was curled up, on his side, with is head pressed to Robert's chest. Very gently, Robert kissed the top of Aaron's head.
"I love you," Robert whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for you."
With one last kiss to the crown of Aaron's head, Robert slowly sat up on the side of the bed. Aaron remained sleeping, as Robert reached for his underware and jeans. Once fully dressed, he slipped on his leather jacket and took his cell phone from Aaron's night stand. Robert stood for a moment, and watched Aaron sleeping peacefully, and then he turned and slipped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
As soon as the door closed, Aaron's eyes fluttered open.
He had heard everything.