Okay, so here it is. Yet another take on the aftermath of the 100th episode. Will probably be around five chapters if it gets a positive response. So let me know if you like it! Or, what you don't, I suppose. There are slight spoilers for tomorrow's episode, but obviously I haven't seen it yet so I can't give very much away at all. Anyway, this first chapter is a little angsty, but I promise that this story will have a happy ending! Thanks for reading.
Temperance Brennan was lost in thought against the passenger side window of her partner's SUV, her eyes focused on the road ahead as the duo sped back towards D.C.
"Penny for your thoughts, Bones," Booth interjected, not being able to bear the silence that was bordering on uncomfortable. Before, it was never uncomfortable. Before, the car would be filled with talking and bickering and laughter, and though silence occasionally made itself known, it was the companionable kind – the kind that old married couples have. It was the kind of silence that happens when you can communicate without words. But that was before. Before Sweets' manuscript and before all of Booth's worst fears were realized when the love of his life told him she couldn't be with him. Which was perhaps worse than hearing that she didn't want to be with him. If she didn't want to be with him, he could move on. But knowing that she might want it to but didn't trust him enough, or didn't think it was worth the risk – that was the absolute worst, most heart-wrenching aspect of the whole thing. So now it wasn't like before, and he had to train his voice to remain neutral as he broke her thoughts.
"I think they're worth a little more than that," Brennan replied with a small smile. "That was a joke," she hastened to add, and Booth chuckled.
"I know, Bones. You're becoming very amusing," he teased good-naturedly, and the large smile he loved so much bloomed on her face.
"I know," she said, modest as ever. "But I believe you were inquiring as to my thoughts." He nodded. "I was just thinking about the case. About why Neil Schroder killed that deliveryman. He should have recognized that it was an illogical way to assert his true feelings for Caroline Carver. Now they can never be together, because he's going to prison, probably for life. Idiotic," she muttered the last word, shaking her head.
"People do stupid things for love, Bones. Schroder couldn't bear the thought of Caroline being with anyone else. If she wouldn't be with him, she couldn't be with someone else." He explained, and Brennan huffed.
"Not only is that extremely idiotic, that's also completely misogynistic and borderline sociopathic," she argued, her voice rising.
"Hey, I'm not defending the guy," Booth retorted. "He shouldn't have killed anyone, and I'm glad he's going to prison. But until you have literally felt your heart ache with pain as you see the person you love most in the world with someone else, then you can't possibly understand. It might be idiocy, Bones, but it's also human nature. I guess you wouldn't understand." The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them, and as soon as he had time to process what he had just said, he set his jaw as red crept up his face. He hadn't spoken with venom or animosity, but brutal honesty that they both knew stemmed from the situation that had occurred the other night. The situation that had twisted what they had before into something neither could really bear to name. His words took his partner's breath away, and she had to fight to control the overwhelming desire to cry - something, she admitted, she had been doing a lot of recently. She took a deep breath, and steeled herself before responding in a small voice.
"You're right, Booth. I guess I wouldn't understand." Hearing the tininess of her voice was enough to cause Booth's heart to break yet again. He was frustrated beyond belief with her, yes, but it still bothered him to see her hurting, and when he was the one who had done the damage, well that practically killed him. His face softened immediately.
"Look, Bones, I didn't mean that. I'm sorry," he said, his voice warm, willing her to forgive him. For this, at least, if not everything.
"It's fine," she said briskly, in a way so that he knew it wasn't but that the topic was closed, and Booth mentally kicked himself.
"Could you please drop me off at my place rather than the Jeffersonian? I have a date tonight. With Andrew," she told him matter-of-factly, and if Booth hadn't known that she was incapable, he would have accused her of pointedly and purposefully strangling his heart with her words.
"Of course," he told her.
"Will you be seeing Catherine tonight?" she asked with feigned nonchalance, referring to the marine biologist they had met on their last case. Booth was caught off guard, but with the pretense of creating a normal working partnership, replied in the same tone.
"I was just going to head over there with some Chinese," he shrugged. Bones gave him a small smile, but inside couldn't help but feeling hurt. That was their thing. Booth came to her house with Chinese. And they ate and talked and watched movies Booth brought with him – the last one had been Indiana Jones. He had thought she would like it, and while she enjoyed it, she had to keep herself from pointing out the numerous inaccuracies. She did succeed in keeping quiet, though, noticing how much Booth liked it. They drank wine and played games – trivial pursuit placed them on even pedestals. It was comfortable, it was comforting, and it was theirs. She knew it was irrational, but she felt betrayed somehow. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, she noted. The past few weeks hadn't seen many pleasant feelings, rather a constant dull pain that she couldn't quite place her finger on, but seemed to emanate from inside her body.
"Andrew and I are going downtown to Le Petit," she shared, and Booth raised his eyebrows.
"Fancy," he muttered.
"Yes, I imagine tonight will be the night he attempts sexual intercourse," Brennan stated, and then, thinking perhaps she had gone too far in her attempts at normalcy, shot a glance over at her partner. She saw his jaw constrict, saw his Adam's apple bob, and knew that was the wrong thing to say. She wasn't trying to be cruel, she was trying to make things normal, trying to pretend he hadn't told her he loved her, that she hadn't rejected him, that the past three weeks hadn't been the worst she'd had in a long while. But apparently, she wasn't doing a great job. "I'm sorry, Booth," she said, and then a beat. "I just don't know how to do this," she divulged, and he knew exactly what she was talking about. As always.
"I know, Bones. Me neither. But we're partners, okay? We'll always be partners," and always just partners he thought, not without a hint of bitterness.
"Thanks, Booth," she said quietly, marveling again at his ability to put her at ease. "And I don't know if I said it at the time, but thanks for dancing with me. At my reunion," she clarified. "I never got the high school dance experience, so I appreciate you giving me the opportunity. Even if it was difficult." She was more than appreciative, she was eternally grateful. Dancing with Booth, feeling his strong arms wrap around her, left her feeling like she belonged, like high school didn't matter, like she was cared for and that it didn't matter that all the other girls were calling her Morticia. Of course, these were the things she couldn't tell Booth. She didn't know how. It wasn't until she met Booth that she realized how many things she didn't know how to do. Again – not a pleasant feeling, especially for someone who was considered to be a genius. But, she had conceded recently, there were clearly more types of genius than she previously thought.
"Don't worry about it, Bones," he responded, and Bones looked at him quizzically.
"I'm not worried, Booth I was merely –" he raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh, it's an expression. Okay, got it." He smiled at her cultural naivety, something that had grown more and more endearing over time. Silence permeated the car once again, but it was less awkward than before, giving both partners a glimmer of hope for the future. That it wouldn't always be this uncomfortable. That it wouldn't always be heartbreaking – because, if Brennan was being honest, not being able to be the same around Booth was crushing her heart muscle. She wanted him back. She wanted them back. She wanted them before.
"Here ya are, Bones," Booth stated as he pulled up to her building. She smiled at him and opened the door. "Hey, have fun tonight, okay?" he gave her a small charm smile. "Not too much fun, though," he intoned, causing Bones to laugh.
"Goodnight, Booth. Have fun with Catherine," she returned the attempt at normalcy, sounding sincere.
The partners waved goodbye before going their separate ways – onto separate dates. Except they were both thinking the same thought, with the same level of desperation. They were both wishing, praying, hoping that they could get back to before.