I've done a lot of stupid things, but this is the the worst. I'd never hurt someone before. Especially someone I cared about.
I'm not even sure what to think as I look at one of my best friends, lying motionless in this blindingly white room. The tubes sticking out of his arms, and the one big one that's taped to his mouth, traveling down his throat. The overly-clean smell, the doctors and nurses, all of the guys blaming me...none of them is the worst part. The worst part is the girl.
I still remember the look on her face when she showed up to the scene of the accident. I was lying on a gurney with a neck brace on. I saw her face, and heard her scream. I replay it every night in my dreams. Whenever I close my eyes, I see the tears pouring down her face, and her lips twisted into that grimace of pain that has nothing to do with a physical injury.
I remember waking up in the hospital the next day to yelling outside my door. I opened my eyes to see Zigzag glaring at me murderously as he tried to get in the door to my room. Armpit and X-Ray attempted to hold him back, but even with his arm in a cast, Zigzag seemed to be holding his own against their restraining arms.
"You killed him! Why did you drive?! YOU SAID YOU HADN'T DRANK, MAGNET!" Zigzag was screaming at me. "HE'S GONNA DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!!" A doctor shoved a needle in his arm, and he went limp almost immediately.
None of the guys came to visit me. They spent all their time with Squid.
Squid, one of my best friends. Squid who I had taken to a party at one of my friend's houses, along with Zigzag, Armpit, and X. Squid who hadn't even wanted to go to the party because he didn't want to be tempted to drink. Squid who had been trying to make a better life for himself because of that girl.
You killed him! Zigzag's voice echoed in my head. It was true.
I stood behind everyone else, I didn't feel welcome. I had just come to see how he was. I had just gotten released. I was going to see how he was, then go.
Zigzag was glaring at me viciously. X-Ray and Armpit seemed to be indifferent. The worst part of this was watching the girl.
She was smoothing out his blankets, doing anything she could to make him comfortable. She had tears in her eyes.
You killed him.
Her name was Keeley. She was Squid's girlfriend from before he came to camp. She had written him constantly when he was there. She was the reason he cried at night. I had stole some of the letters from his crate.
She had told him of how her father beat her, and how her uncle tried to crawl into her bed at night and how much she needed him. She told him she cried too because she missed him so much. She said that she wanted to be with him when he cried so she could make it better.
You killed him.
When we got back from camp, about a year ago, she had been at the bus stop, waiting for him. They had ran full force at each other. She had jumped at him, and he caught her. She cried. She was fluffing up his pillows now, and the tears were starting to fall.
"I don't know what to do, how can I help him? How can I..." she trailed off as the tears started to cascade in a torrent down her pretty face. Zigzag put his arm around her, and pulled her to him.
She was short, only coming up to Squid's shoulder. She was skinny, delicate. She had brown hair, and gray eyes. She wasn't the type of girl you would think Squid would like. She was quiet, shy. She liked to read more than anything, and she thought about everything. At least that's how Squid had described her.
You killed him!
She was sobbing now, but she pulled away from Zigzag, and grabbed Squid's hand with both of hers.
It had been two weeks. He had been in a coma for two weeks. Two weeks this girl had been suffering like this. Armpit said she rarely left the hospital. We all knew why. Squid was destined to die. The doctors had made it clear that we should say our goodbyes while we still could.
I looked at Squid. Alan. This would be my last thing I had to remember him by, lying limp in a hospital bed. Pale, lifeless, cold. I would never again see him chew on his toothpick or laugh at a stupid joke. I'd never see his dazed expression when someone said something he didn't understand. I would never see him beat the hell out of someone for a stupid reason. I would never even see him open his eyes. This would be the last image to remember him by.
But I knew that I wouldn't remember him most out of this, I would remember her.
She looked haunted, dead. I knew that when Squid's lights went out, so did hers. She was going to die when he did. She would still walk, talk, eat, and sleep, but she wouldn't be there.
You killed him!
I tried to push the voice away, but it kept coming back. Getting louder and louder every moment I watched the girl cry. She was staring at his face, just begging him to open his eyes and look at her again. Of course he wouldn't though. He wouldn't ever look at her again.
YOU KILLED HIM!
The girl gently took one of her hands away from his and rested it on the bandage on the right side of his ribs. The wound there was gruesome, something our of a gore movie. The main reason why she'd screamed that day at the scene of the accident. The main reason why I would never have another peaceful night's sleep.
We had left the party that night at around 1 in the morning. Armpit and X-Ray were wasted, and Zigzag couldn't drive. Squid was sober, and tried to take the keys from me. I knew he had seen me drink that night. He'd seen me pick up one red plastic cup after another, but had never said anything. I told him I was good to drive. He tried to take the keys again. It was my car, and I was determined to drive. He eventually gave in, and got in the passenger seat.
I blasted some rap music as we drove. Armpit and X-Ray were rapping drunkenly with the song, and being loud and obnoxious. Zigzag was behind Squid, and seemed to be extremely uncomfortable sitting with them back there.
Squid had his phone in his hand. I assumed he was texting that girl. She pissed me off. She pissed me off so bad. Back at camp, we'd all been best friends. There hadn't been any girls to get in the way of our good times or our friendship. Now this girl got all his attention all the time. The irrational anger at her grew and grew until I found myself lunging at Squid and grabbing his phone. The car swerved. He yelled for me to grab the wheel. The guys in the back were yelling, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I put my hands back on the wheel just in time to see that we were headed straight at another car. I swerved, but it was too late. We side-swiped them, but I was still turning the wheel the other way.
We spun out. We slammed hard into a tree. I was blacking out. But then I heard Squid's voice through the silence. He was saying "shit" over and over again. His voice was strained. I forced my eyes open to look at him. The first thing I remembered seeing was blood, and lots of it. The next thing were his hands, twisted around something that was sticking out of his side. His face was a mask of agony. I couldn't quite fit the pieces all together.
Then I finally understood what I was looking at.
A tree branch had come into Squid's window, and had taken up residence in his ribs. He was breathing fast, shallow breaths. I felt something move in my hand, and looked down. Squid's phone was still in my hand, and had been vibrating. It said he had a message. I hit they key to open it. It said, "I love you too." It was from her.
That's when I blacked out.
I woke up on that gurney to the yelling. Someone was saying something. Then I looked to my right, and saw that girl talking to a cop. "Where's Alan?! No, he's my boyfriend! My friend called me! I-" She stopped. She must have seen him because everything that came out of her mouth after were screams. "OH MY GOD, NO! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM! WHY IS HE BLEEDING SO MUCH! I NEED TTO SEE HIM! LET ME SEE HIM!" She ran away, past the cop, and I couldn't see her anymore.
The girl was saying something, and it snapped me out of my thoughts. "Do you think he can hear us? Do you think he knows that we're here for him?" She didn't appear to be asking anyone in particular, but X-Ray answered.
"Even if he can't hear us, he knows. He knows that we'd never leave him alone when he's like this. Especially you." She didn't reply to him. Her tears had slowed, but the pain in her face seemed to intensify.
A doctor came in with a chart in his hand. Keeley looked expectant, hopeful even. The doctor sighed.
"He's got some serious damage in the ribs. The head injury is worse though. He's lucky his head's still intact the way it hit that tree. Right now, I'm sorry to say, his chances are minimal. I would say 10% that he makes it through tonight. I'm very sorry." He hung that chart on the end of Squid's bed, and walked out. Keeley began sobbing loudly, which eventually turned into screams as tears flew down her face. She fell to her knees on the floor. The guys tried to pick her up, but she just laid there, limp. I sunk into a chair, unable to take my eyes off the chart.
The chart that was supposed to tell you all of the things about one of my best friends. On that chart, it would never say that he preferred to be called Squid instead of Alan. It would never tell you that his dad left him when he was little, and that his mom drank to get rid of her pain. It couldn't tell you that he had used to have to break into houses to get money for food. It couldn't tell you that he was trying his best to never be like his parents. It would never tell you that he got sent to a juvie work camp, where he met his best friends. It would never tell you that he cried at night. It couldn't tell you that he tried to act tough, but was actually pretty sensitive. It couldn't tell you that he was funny. It couldn't tell you that he had a southern accent or that he liked to chew on toothpicks.
This chart couldn't tell you that he had fallen in love only once in his life. It couldn't tell you that this girl tried to fix him. It couldn't tell you that he was finally trying to turn his life around by working hard at school. It couldn't tell you that he had planned to be a marine biologist. It couldn't tell you how many people would be depressed when he died, or how many lives would be reversed.
I looked at the girl, sobbing on the floor. She was clutching her stomach.
This chart couldn't tell you that Squid was leaving behind his first child before it was even born.
This chart was supposed to tell you about Squid. It could NEVER tell you about Squid.
YOU KILLED HIM!
Random thing that hit me like a train, and I just started typing it.
Actually, it hit me during computer class, about 15 minutes ago.
My computer teacher is an idiot. I'm supposed to "practicing my typing." Instead, I'm doing this. Maybe this qualifies as type-practice...probably not.
Oh, well.
We're about to switch classes, so yeah. Hope you enjoyed. ;]
New chapter for TMWYA on Saturday, as usual. :D