So I haven't wrote a Bensler fanfiction in a while. I've been having a SVU marathon and I miss them together. I wrote this story a while ago before there was Noah so he's not in the story. It's after Liv was kidnapped.

Each chapter there is going to be different song. I've never done a story like this before Let me know what you think.

Broken

Olivia Apartment

Olivia's on vacation and is annoyed Cragen made her take it. She sits on her couch listening to music and drinking wine trying to forget all the cases that stay with her far too long. Each case gets harder and harder to leave her. Olivia wonders when it's all going to be too much and leave SVU. Nothing been the same since he left. Everything went shit, She got abducted and the only person she thought of was him and she wanted him to come save her. Fuck she should be thinking about him. She means nothing to him not anymore. He didn't even tell her he was leaving she had to hear from Cragen. Did twelve years mean nothing. Twelve years of looks, pain, laughs, and feelings she still can't name. It broke her...he broke her.

A Kelly Clarkson comes on the radio and she listens to the words

I wonder how your body tastes

Inside of someone else's place

Pull away your eyes, there's nothing left to heal

I'm alone but I know everything you feel

Yeah I wonder...Fuck I shouldn't be thinking of him like this. He's an ass that what she needs to remember. He doesn't care and neither does she. Sometimes when she's laying in bed she sees those piercing blue eyes. The ones that could always see through her facade like no one else ever could. She sighs.

And you waited on the rain

Through tears my heart is caged

And we fall through fate

And we rise and rise again

And I run, run, run, run, run

And I run, run, run, run, run

I run, run, run, run, run

I just run, run, run

She laughs she was the one who always ran but she's not the only one right El. After Gitano everything changed and shook her to her core. She still remembers it like it was yesterday. The tears falling and they stare at each other not breaking eye contact. Then at the hospital when he walked away after saying "you and this job are all I have left" well that fucked her up. She ran to Computer Crimes and then to Oregon. If she thought leaving would make her forgot what she felt for him she was so wrong. She doesn't let herself miss people but she missed him so much like she does now. Damnit...why the fuck is she still listening to this song? She continues to listen.

Tell me how you closed the door

Knowin' nobody could love you more

Tellin' all your friends that this love

Was just made for bleedin'

Hung up underwater but still we keep on

Tryin' to breath in

He closed the door when he left without so much as a goodbye. She understands why he left. She's thought of leaving so many times. She wished he just said goodbye. Maybe it was payback for not telling him when she left. But she couldn't say goodbye to him. It hurt too much. He's probably enjoying retirement with his family while she's alone. She always be alone. She didn't love Brian and was glad it was over. She was just trying to fill a void. She doesn't think it will ever be filled. She hates that she still thinking of him even after these last 3 years.

And you waited on the rain

Through tears my heart is caged

And we fall through fate

And we rise and rise again

And I run, run, run, run, run

And I run, run, run, run, run

I run, run, run, run, run

I just run, run, run

Our lust for fightin'

Tied up in silence

She smiles...they fought a lot. There is so much she should of said to him. But the feelings she had for him scared the living shit out of her. When things got complicated she ran. This time he ran and her heart hasn't been the same. Fin catches her sometimes when she staring out into space and she knows he knows exactly what she is thinking about it. She knows Fin talks to him but can't ask him how he is. The pain is too much. There is a storm raging outside mimicking her emotions. It's more than lust and she hates herself. He's fucking married. She needs to stop thinking of him.

And you waited on the rain

Through tears my heart is caged

And we fall through fate

And we rise and rise again

And I run, run, run, run, run

And I run, run, run, run, run

I run, run, run, run, run

I run, run, run

And I run, run, run, run, run

And I run, run, run, run, run

I run, run, run, run, run

I just run, run, run

Our lust for fightin'

Tied up in silence

As the song ends tears are running down her face. The last thought before sleep claims her is...

I love you El...I miss you

Song is Run Run Run by Kelly Clarkson

Should I continue ?