Maybe you should read my Squishy, Hugger of Worlds, before this one.
So, here's the deal with the monstrosity of words below... after the cancellation of the show, I made my own season completly.
It began with this Irken named LENZ, who wore sight enhancing glasses and liked to outbuild everyone with his genius, who builds the Tallest the first ever AIR, (Advanced Irken Robot)
Little did he know after his return from his actual secret mission on planet Porsheh, (he is the reason the Squishy creatures, Gargantuanes, are extinct) that BLIR, CHIR or FIR, (the AIR has multiple names, for LENZ can't decide on which one to call 'her') made muffins in a oven that blew up the planet without him knowing.
(Planet Porsheh: the planet gives solar energy remotely to all the Squishy monsters, and when the planet (made of dynamite) explodes, it kills all of the Gargantuanes except Squishy, who got lost one day (Squishy reminds me of Fred Fredburger, from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy giggle) looking for cake and found himself near a sun, which gave him life and solar power in his PAK.)
Almost like ZIM, LENZ is very cocky and when the Tallest alert him that he destroyed their chances of alliance with the Gargantuanes, he refuses to believe it. They then throw him into space with the AIR, which it turns out is corrupt after a bad microchip implant fails. His creation a disastor, he falls through space and eventually blows up hitting Skoodge, who is on the way to Skool. Yes, unlikely. But from that moment on, he stays with Skoodge in the basement, ("It's like a sleepover that the Tallest deny us to!" Skoodge had once called it) until ZIM finds him lurking in the fridge.
Now, ZIM has like, thirty random aliens living in his house, and four robots + a moose. (GIR, FIR (the AIR), CHIPZ (Skoodge's SIR) and MIMI, who he found at the end of some other thing I wrote, "Tak Bak")
Well... it sounds corny, but it really is as awesome as my other original stuff. I curse people who make love stories involving ZIM, for any who read 'Nubs of Doom' know that Irkens cannot feel love, and you all suck for doing that type of writing. Now I am hypocrite, cuz Skoodge 'falls in love' in this one. Don't yell at me... it's not true. He is just using genius to show ZIM something, I'm not really sure what.
INVADER ZIM
#52/a
"Who Was Caught In Madness"
by CAN
FADE IN:
EXT. SKOOL - THE SIDEWALK
The Skool bell rings. The doors burst open and Dib stands. He stands happily in the refreshing breeze, taking it all in. VERY RELAXING. Suddenly, DIB is ran over by a storm of kids hauling themselves from the SKOOL. Dib groans as he's dragged off underneath the kids. When the dust settles, thar be ZIM, standing and looking disgusted at the world... ZIM's BAD DAY. More kids march past, one accompanied by a farting sound. ZIM clutches his heart and gasps for air, leaning on a SKOOL piller for support. He limps miserably down the steps with barely any balance at all as he walks down the sidewalk.
At the right side of the SKOOL BUILDING, MANY SCREAMING CHILDREN are being chased by TORQUE SMACKY. SKOODGE leads it, screaming louder then all. He comes clear across ZIM's path, ZIM unnoticing as a bird tries to steal his wig. TORQUE grabs a nearest child, lagging behind the rest... ZOOTCH. He screams.
We cut back to ZIM's view, had he been paying attention. An explosion is seen happening from somewhere, offscreen, over the heads of the kids. The children running have to dodge the explosion.
POONCHY (SCREAMING)
Oohh maaan! He's got JOHN!
JOHN screams and is devoloped in fire. Finally, absolutely everyone runs into ZIM, knocking him off screen. SKOODGE is blown by a fresh explosion over to ZIM's new zone. They both try to steady themselves.
SKOODGE
(EXCITED)
WOOOHOOO!! That was kinda cool! Lucky I didn't fall on
you-
He tries to walk next to ZIM, though trips on a passing doggy and crushes ZIM. ZIM throws SKOODGE off of him, irritated.
ZIM (HATEFULLY)
That filthy filth place! THIS SKOOL! I'm getting tired of going there! There's no need, they teach me nothing of use!
SKOODGE (THOUGHTFULLY)
I don't know, I thought the lesson on how to dance like an idiot today was quite interesting... did you see Ms. Bitters' face when I did that pelvic thrust-
ZIM (REVENGEFUL)
Those smelly beasty thingies will ALL pay when I RULE THEM ALLL. THEN they'll see who's running from WHO's explosions. COME ONN!!
ZIM grabs SKOODGE by the collar and drags him along, extending random dialog and telling him off for no reason in particular. Behind them, a HUMAN GIRL pops out from behind a fence, eyeing the two. The bird that had tried to steal ZIM's wig nods to a squirrel on the ground. Squirrel nods back. ALLIANCE.
TITLE OVER:
The Following Morning...
FADE TO:
INT. SKOOL - MS. BITTERS' CLASS
EVERYONE is seated accordingly. Ms. Bitters stands at the blackboard with CHALK, writing. ZIM has a book that he reads, leaning boredfully, in his chair. MELVIN is KNOCKED OUT of his seat as, between he and SKOODGE's, a drill like thing pops out of the ground, forming a mound of dirt around the hole. The same girl from the day before pops her head out and looks around, as though examining the place. Satisfied, she goes back under and tosses her things over the side of the hole. The whole class is watching this happen...though Dib is, surprisingly, not paying attention to it at all. Ms. Bitters hasn't noticed anything either.
MS. BITTERS
... and WHO would CARE of the stupid, stupid, STUPID... (continued)
(the kid props everything on her desk, shifting her eyes in an obvious manner)
... HUMAN INTELLIGANCE! It's ALLLLL POINTLESS, MISERABLE and STUUUPID! Just like yooou all. JUST... LIKE... YOUU!!
ZITA (RAISED HAND)
Umm... Ms. Bitters?? A kid just kinda... popped out of the ground and started... uh... participating in class...
The nasty sound of rusty metel grinding is heard as Bitters' neck turns to the new kid. After a moment of scanning the new soul, she turns to the rest of the class.
MS. BITTERS (TO CLASS)
Ooh, you pity-minded children... you all need to accept the fact that there's no stopping the growing population... there's so many of you terrible children around now that you're popping out of the planet itself... so where was I... oh, yes: YOUUUU!
NEW KID (LOUDLY)
HIIII, EVERYONE!! MY NAME IS HERBNINNY!
Everyone nods.
CLASS MATE (O.S.)
Good to know...
SKOODGE (GULLABLE)
Hiya, I'm Skoodge.
He holds his hand, greetingly, across the row to greet her, greeting greetingfully. Skoodge is then HIT WITH A BOOK. The book falls on the desk and we see that it is the one ZIM was holding. Skoodge looks over at ZIM, who shakes his head, theateningly. SKOODGE shrugs and pulls a book of his own out, sheepishly reading it.
MS. BITTERS (COND'T)
Now, about the system of dancing we were discussing yesterday- you had it ALLLL wrong, expecially SKOOOODGE...
INT. SKOOL - THE PLAYGROUND
RECESS takes place... some kids play FOURSQUARE. ZIM yells at a squirrel (in cahoots with the bird) holding his wig in a tree. ZIM has his shirt over his head, which he is using to COVER HIS ANTENNAs. SKOODGE watches.
ZIM
Give me back my hair you horrible fur thing! I'm going to count to ten and that wig better be in my hand!
(the squirrel just tilts its head with the wig in its paws)
OKAY... one, two... six... eh... five... erm... TEN!!
ZIM starts punching the tree with his fists which only bruises his knuckles, making him more irritated.
SKOODGE (SUGGESTIVE)
Maybe if you asked nicely?
ZIM kicks the tree as at the bottem of the screen, THE BOOTED FOOT OF HERBNINNY comes into the shot.
ZIM
Hehhh??
HERBNINNY
Hiya! Can I chill wit ya?
ZIM (ANNOYED)
Listen up, Hermione! We are not interested in your soliciting! GO! OFF WITH YOU AND YOUR MERCHANDISE!
HERBNINNY
I'm not a solicitor!
ZIM (PARANOID)
SOLICTOR, WHERE??!!
He whips around nervously, excepting to see one standing there.
SKOODGE
Ahhh,
come on ZIM! She's just a nice human! Leave her be!
ZIM looks from HERBNINNY to SKOODGE, as though he can't believe his ears. He has a freak attack and pulls his SHIRT down from his head, revealing his antennas.
ZIM
HOW COULD YOU, SKOODGE!!?? IN CAHOOTS WITH THE ENEMY! TREASON! TREEEEASSSOONNN...
He runs off, saying "treason" as he goes. The squirrel tries on ZIM's wig and examines itself girlishly in the mirror hanging on the tree. Skoodge is guffawing.
EXT. ZIM'S HOUSE - NIGHT
SKOODGE runs down the culdesac as we PAN down from to the door. We FADE through...
INT. ZIM'S HOUSE - THE LIVING ROOM
ZIM sits on the couch, arms crossed, no disguise and looking mad. GIR, CHIPZ and BLIR watch a show about a happy dancing cow. The door opens and SKOODGE comes in. ZIM perks up.
SKOODGE
Sorry I'm late, I was playing Shoot-Birds-With-Stone along with Herbninny-
ZIM
HERFGINNY, AGAIN?? SHE's A SPY, SKOODGE! SENT FROM DIB!
SKOODGE looks confused and is about to say something, but ZIM somehow reads his mind.
ZIM (IMPATIENTLY)
I JUST KNOOWW THESE THINGS. YOU should KNOW that! Now... stop seeing her!
SKOODGE (LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL)
What the big deal, huh?? I NEVER get what I want! I'm my own person, ZIM! MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX!
ZIM (LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL's MOTHER)
SKOODGE, LISTEN TO ME! Not only will you jepordize MY mission, but you'll also... JEPORDIZE MY MISSION! Your NOT going to go do anything with her anymore, do you HEAR ME??!
SKOODGE (FULL OF TEARS)
YOU STINK!
He runs off, sobbing loudly. ZIM is standing with his hands on his hips, staring off at him. GIR and the rest watch ZIM, ashamed.
GIR (ASHAMED)
You made-ed him cry.
BLIR (ASHAMED)
Uh-huh...-ed.
ZIM
Oohh, don't you worry... he'll thank me for it. A few more years and I'll have him ALL taken care of. Now... well, now we wait.
ZIM sits on the couch. He sits for a while. The robots stare at him for a little while... they turn and watch TV some more insted. GIR soon gets up on the couch cushion singing theme to the new show on TV. As the song goes on, ZIM looks more and more irritated.
GIR (SINGING)
I
like gravel! I like candy! Combining them would be quite handy! I
like food! I like the nude! Do I look like a common dude? I like-
ZIM (JUMPING UP)
ENOUGH WAITING! NOW WE ACT!
(PONDERING)
This "acting" will include me finding someone to be my assitant in the plan for SKOODGE, thatIjustcameupwith...BUT WHO?!
Above them in the circuitry, LENZ falls out of a vent and lands in front of ZIM. Why this is the main method of SKOODGE and LENZ's travel, I do not know. But what I do know is that LENZ half-hyperveniltes.
LENZ
A PLLAN?? NEAT!
ZIM looks evilly satisfied.
TITLE OVER: THE NEXT DAY
EXT. ZIM's HOUSE - THE CULDESAC
GIR and Minimoose are horribly disguised as girls. GIR has blush and eyelashes. Minimoose has lipstick. ZIM and LENZ come out too. ZIM is in his used-once-before 'dressed up lady' disguise. LENZ is in one too, only he has a dress.
LENZ (OUTRAGED)
What's with the dress??!
ZIM (EVILLY PLEASANT)
Silence, my female comrade. We are now the oppisite breed of human...
LENZ
Don't ya mean, 'gender'?
ZIM
Nah, I mean 'breed'.
ZIM persuades them to follow him as he jumps behind a bush. A second later, SKOODGE comes out of the house in his skool-boy disguise. We watch this happen from ZIM's view. SKOODGE disappears over the road.
ZIM
Come on, you all! SKOODGE seems to be so OUTRAGOUSLY GULLABLE that his stupid personality drive in his PAK accepts the acts of KINDNESS TO HUMANS! SICKENING!
ZIM runs out from the bush and they all try to follow: LENZ trampling the dress and grumbling.
LENZ
WAIT
UUUPPP!
He gets it stuck on a trig and rips off the seam the whole bottem. He runs after them.
INT. SKOOL - THE PLAYGROUND
ZIM hides behind a rather large... okay, freaking obese child. GIR and MINIMOOSE sit in the trashcan not far away. LENZ is checking his make-up in a little mirror. ZIM looks at him, stunned.
ZIM
LENZ!!
LENZ (STARTLED)
What? I can't get pretty? YOU can, whenever YOU want, but when III want to, it's 'OHHH, LENZ-'
ZIM
QUIT IT!
The kid he is standing behind looks over his shoulder at ZIM and the sudden noise. ZIM chuckles awkwardly and moves away. He stops as he sidesteps to LENZ.
ZIM
Now... for my plan to be put in the spotlight-
(heroic background as ZIM yells dramatically)
-FOR ALL TO SEE!
Silence.
LENZ
...w...what plan?
ZIM (SIGHES)
...you don't have a clue what my plan is because you didn't listen when I told you, huh?
LENZ
Apparently.
ZIM
Then just... PLAY ALONG. There he is! HIDE!
ZIM ducks behind a bush. LENZ looks frantically for cover, then decides on a stairway pillar. SKOODGE and HERBNINNY march past. ZIM snaps his fingers at GIR and MINIMOOSE, who jump to action. GIR shoots out from the trashcan and in front of SKOODGE. GIR does a jig of insanity as Minimoose bobs to the beat. Skoodge raises an eye. ZIM leaps gracefully over the bush and into sight... but then he trips and lands facedown in a mudpuddle in front of them. Skoodge looks disturbed.
SKOODGE (TERRIFIED)
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE??
FLU FROU (AKA ZIM)
OHHHH, GREAT; MUD EVERYWHERE- oh yeah- I AM FLU FROU!
SKOODGE (RECOGNIZING AT ONCE)
ZIMM?? Is that yoou??
ZIM coughes, embarrassed. He changes his voice to a more girlish one.
FLU FROU (GIRLISHLY)
Ehh... uhh... NO! Didn't you hear me? I AM FLU FROU, not this INCREDIBLE SOUNDING ZIIM!
He goes over to SKOODGE and smacks him on the head in ZIM's usual method of punishment.
SKOODGE (SINCRERE)
Sorry.
FLU FROU
That is alright... I am a merciful female human lord... now, catch me! OOoohhh!
ZIM suddenly leaps, back first, at SKOODGE. SKOODGE gasps, jumps out of the way and misses catching ZIM completly. ZIM promptly lands in another mudpuddle.
FLU FROU (FURIOUS)
WTOP- OH, that's just FANTASTIC, isn't it-!?
SKOODGE (SCRATCHING HEAD)
Uhh... I... think I should follow... uhh... HERBNINNY! HEEEERRBBNNNIINNYYY!!!!
Before he had even finished the word, he was running for his life. ZIM gets up from the puddle and flings off some dirt, looking disgusted.
ZIM
It seems I have under-estimatated our SKOODGE. He can run pretty fast. We need a back-up plan. MINIMOOSE!
(MINIMOOSE squeks)
CAPTURE HIM!
MINIMOOSE peeps in salute and floats offscreen. SKOODGE screaming is heard. Next thing you know, SKOODGE falls onscreen, in a rope. MINIMOOSE bobs above his prey happily. ZIM clears his throat and talks like that hideous girl again.
FLU FROU
Perhaps I didn't start this relationship right, SKOODGE.
SKOODGE (TERRIFIED)
RELATIONSHIP?? WHAT RELATION-
DAISY DUMB (AKA GIR)
I IS JUST TOO PRETTY!!
FLU FROU
Silence, my girlish friend.
SKOODGE (TERRIFIED MORE SO)
What is WRONG with you people??!
BIG MAMA (AKA LENZ)
Alot. A whooole lot. Actually, TOO much...
FLU FROU
We are the spokes-humans of all female... humans. We have come to show you how UNTRUSTWORTHY ALL EARTH PEEPS tend to be. Watch us now! Looook.
FLU FROU... I mean ZIM... marches over to Herbninny, who looks up at him. ZIM pulls on her hair, as though trying to pry it off. Herbninny screams.
HERBNINNY (COND'T)
Huh?? HEYYY!!
FLU FROU (COND'T)
COME ON, FRAUD! SHOW US WHO YOUR TRUE SELF IS! EH EH EHHH!
He pulls and pulls like a maniactic-fraud-hair-pulling-monster.
SKOODGE
Heyyy, leave her be, you mean girl.
FLU FROU
DO NOT INSULT ME!! I AM A BEING OF YOUR OWN HELPMENSHIP!
SKOODGE
Yeaahhh, well... your a... girl. Take that, you... girl... you.
FLU FROU
DO YOU WANT HELP OR NOT??
SKOODGE
NO! That's what I've been TRYING TO SAY, BUT-
ZIM stops pulling Herbninny's hair and turns angry.
ZIM
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! OBEY US!
SKOODGE
No.
ZIM looks so angry that GIR burps.
FLU FROU (FORCING)
...well... that's too bad, now isn't it? Come, my girlish minions. We have girly things that need to be done girlishly by our own girlish means.
DAISY DUM (AKA GIR)
GIRLY!
Minimoose cuts the rope binding SKOODGE. They jump behind the pillar again. ZIM reaches back out again to grab the still-there moose. They both retreat. They peak out from behind the wall to the stairs and watch SKOODGE.
ZIM (COND'T)
I can't believe my plan isn't working on the gullable SKOODGE! It's ridiculous!
Herbninny leaves Skoodge's side as ZIM watches still. ZIM hatches a plot before our eyes.
ZIM
LENZ, my SCIENTISTY SLAVE.
LENZ
Yees?
ZIM
I need a clicky human photo mechanisism, NOW.
LENZ
Ah, yeah. Camera... sorry, don't got one.
ZIM
THEN IMPREVISE! IMPREVISE GOOOD!
LENZ
Uhhhh...
(QUICKLY)
THAT's IT! MY ADVANCED EYE INDUCERS, IN WHICH I WEAR LIKE A PRESCRIBED HUMAN EYEWEAR EVERYDAY; OF COURSE!!
ZIM
Heh? Was all that talking really necassary?
LENZ
Yes.
He removes his advanced eye inducers, in which he wears like a prescribed human eyewear everyday, of course, and hands them to ZIM.
ZIM
These things are removable? I thought that they were permanantly embranded to your face!
LENZ
Uh, yeah... they are.
ZIM groans in disgust at LENZ's face, which is now hideously mutated, and takes the eyes. He leaps over the wall and goes out of sight. LENZ and the rest sit and wait.
TITLE OVER, HEROIC, like a comic book: MOMENTS LATER!
They are still waiting stupidly as ZIM leaps back into thier clearing.
ZIM
I've got it! A picture of the Dib!
LENZ
Dib? Why Dib?
ZIM
Why not Dib?
LENZ
Weren't you suppose to be getting a shot of Herbninny or something?
Silence.
ZIM
Oh yeah.
ZIM leaps back over the thingy and away.
TITLE OVER, HEROIC, like a comic book: MORE MOMENTS LATER!
ZIM returns again!
ZIM
Okay, NOW I've got it! A much BETTER picture of the Dib! Come.
LENZ smacks his head in frustration as ZIM goes back into the open.
FLU FROU
COME, SKOODGE!
Skoodge immediately appears, like a messed up PS2 game or something computer-like popping up. Skoodge looks around all confused-like.
SKOODGE
EHEHE? How did you-
FLU FROU
Check this out!
(he shows Skoodge the picture so that we don't see it)
Isn't it TERRIBLE??
SKOODGE (DISTRAUGHT)
YES! YES IT IS! OH, NO, NO MORE! I SHALL NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH A HUMAN AGAIN! NEVER!!!
And he runs off, sobbing and screaming. LENZ, MINIMOOSE and the others come to ZIM in awe.
LENZ
WOAH! What was the picture of, ZIM?!
ZIM
It was a picture of the naked Dib!
GIR vomits in the background. Minimoose faints. LENZ dies. Dib then comes up, a towel wrapped around his hair and his bottem half. He stares at ZIM, takes the picture from his idle hand and walks back offscreen, expression bored. Once he is gone, ZIM falls over sideways, frozen, on fire and unconsious.
TITLE OVER.
AND HERBNINNY SWITCHED SKOOLS, BECAME MAGIC AND CHANGED HER NAME TO 'HERMIONE'. SHE CURRENTLY FIGHTS EVIL ALONGSIDE HARRY POTTER and RON WEASLEY, WHO ARE GAY.
FADE OUT.
END.
Okay... even I'm yelling in outrage at that crud. Don't be mean to me. You've gotta admit that was somewhat funny. And about the naked Dib... I'm thinking he was taking a shower in the skool gym or something, I dunno... that's a story for another time... laughs evilly REVIEWS, PLEASE!