Too Slow.
Colonel Cameron Mitchell came sauntering along the hallway of level 18 at the SGC. It was almost 22.00 hours and the complex was quietening down, just the occasional on-duty airman patrolling the corridors. The Colonel contemplated stopping by at Daniel Jackson's office – the guy's only just got back from that dig with SG-11 though, he thought, he's probably already half way home by now.
Mitchell passed his team mate's lab and carried on towards Carolyn and the infirmary. He'd promised to meet her for a late evening coffee date. If he didn't turn up soon she'd bust his sweet ass for sure.
Mitchell was actually in the process of pressing the button to call the elevator when he heard an odd noise from back along the hallway. A quiet "ssshh" and a faint click before a hurried sort of gasping noise then the definite sound of a door closing quickly.
Turning, Mitchell scanned the corridor. Nothing. He stood still for some time – the elevator came by and he let it go, but everything on level 18 seemed completely normal.
Hmmm, thought Mitchell. I'm goin' bananas now. Hangin' around this joint for too long. Does for a guy, in the end. I mean, look at General O'Neill!
He pressed the call button again, then froze. Another click, the definite sound of a "Crap!" before a much louder slam.
Mitchell walked slowly along the corridor. He paused outside Daniel's office, then knocked smartly on the door.
"You in there, Jackson?" He waited. "Hey, Jackson!"
There was no response. Mitchell paused, and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He leaned in close to the door. Nothing. Not a sound.
Moving on along the hallway, he began to knock at other doors, opening a couple that he found unlocked and peering within. Eventually he found himself back near the elevator, about to enter the small cleaning closet situated there, when the crack of a door slamming shut sent him shooting back out again. He was just in time to see a bluish white blast hit the light fixture at the far end of the corridor. Another blast followed immediately, plunging that area of the facility into shadow.
Before Mitchell could move further he heard what was unmistakably a low chuckle, followed by the sound of the door to the emergency stairwell opening. Two hazy figures disappeared through it at speed.
What the heck? He raced after them. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn that somebody had Zatted the two fluorescent lights to knock them out. But why? What on earth would possess any SGC member to run around randomly shooting up the fixtures and fittings of the corridors?
Colliding with the emergency door at full speed, Mitchell threw it back on it's protesting hinges. Below him he could hear the sound of feet on the metal staircase, but muffled, quiet. Feet without shoes? Bare feet?
The poor Colonel shook his head. Am I going completely wonko? he thought. Leaning over the railing, in an attempt to see what was below, he had to dodge back quickly as whoever was down there sent a Zat blast back up towards him.
Mitchell pressed himself back against the wall, but not before he'd heard Jackson's voice quite clearly. "Mind, Vala! We're only trying to distract him!"
The reply that Jackson received was unintelligible, but culminated in a full blown laugh from the space pirate.
Right! Mitchell launched himself down the stairs, leaping three, four steps at a time, crashing onto the landings between the levels.
"I'm on to you two!" he yelled at his team mates. "I dunno what you're up to, but I'm all over it!"
The only response that he got was a quite blatant giggle from Vala and a string of hissed mutterings from Daniel.
The sound of the emergency door on level 25 being smacked back on it's hinges assailed Mitchell's ears – he reached the landing above just in time to see it slam closed. Leaping for the handle he fumbled slightly in his hurry to get through. By the time he hit the hallway there was no sign of the troublemakers, but he knew where they were.
The Colonel strode along the hall to Vala's room and hammered on the door as if was a medieval portcullis and he a conquering warrior.
"Vala!" he yelled. "I know that you're in there! What the heck are you two playing at?"
Silence. Obviously.
Mitchell bashed on the door again, so hard that it rattled on it's hinges. Still nothing. He was gearing up to give the offending object a good kick when suddenly it was thrown open, to reveal Vala, fully dressed in black T-shirt, BDU pants and regulation boots.
"What on earth are you doing darling?" she asked, eyebrows raised, as she twisted one bunch of her lovely black hair into an elastic.
"Lookin' for you," her CO told her, trying to prod her out of the way so that he could get a good view of the inside of her quarters.
"Why do you want me?" Vala twinkled up at him, all big-eyed innocence. She began to work on the other bunch of hair.
"Where's Jackson?" Mitchell stood just inside the doorway, looking from left to right.
Vala's room was cluttered with all her treasures and stuffed toys and magazines and hair adornments. One closet door was propped open, and all three of the drawers in her bureau were at least part way pulled out, displaying various skimpy undergarments. Mitchell's eyes widened slightly when he saw what looked like a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs. But otherwise there was nothing of interest at all – certainly no archaeologist.
"I don't know where Daniel is, darling," One final twist and Vala's hair was back in place. "He was out on a mission today – perhaps he's not back." She blinked innocently at her CO, lovely eyes wide and clear.
"I know he was out on a mission," Mitchell replied, through gritted teeth. He took a further step into the room. Nothing. No smart-ass Doctor of Archaeology to be seen. Nobody, no-how, nowhere.
He glared at his team mate. "I know you're up to something. I heard you – out on the stairwell. You and Jackson – shooting up the lights!"
Vala guided Mitchell to sit down on her bed before laying a cool hand against his forehead. "Are you quite sure that you're feeling well, darling?" She stroked one finger along his jawline and leaned up against him quite flirtatiously.
"Hey!" he brushed her away and stood up. "I see what you're doing there! Distraction technique! I wasn't born yesterday, y'know."
"Well, for goodness sake!" Vala looked quite grumpy now. "Do you see Daniel here? Do you see any unauthorized Zat in my possession? I'm just trying to have a peaceful night in, with myself and Teal'c's enchanting Farscape DVD's! Now go away!"
"How do you know it was a Zat?" Mitchell asked, straight back at her.
Vala blinked. "How do I know what was a Zat?"
"You just said – unauthorised Zat. How do you know whoever it was, was shooting out the lights with a Zat, unless you were the one who was doing it?"
Vala sighed. "Doing what, Mitchell?"
"Shooting out the damn lights!" The Colonel could feel his blood pressure rising.
"Well, why would you want to do that?" Vala looked bemused. "It doesn't seem the sort of action that the head of SG-1 should be getting involved in. Especially when they're on duty."
"I'm not on duty! And I didn't want to do it! I'm innocent in all this!"
"Well, so am I," Vala nodded and hauled her CO to the door. "Perhaps Daniel shot out the lights. Perhaps Muscles did. Or General Landry. But you'll have to go and ask them won't you. Personally, darling, I think that you're acting like a fruitcake. And I should know."
Mitchell paused, briefly scanning the room again, but it was completely empty of anybody but himself and Vala. Scowling, he wagged one of his fingers close to her face before leaving without speaking, slamming the door shut behind himself. Then he waited outside, barely breathing, as close as he could get.
He heard Vala moving about inside - the sound of a drawer opening, the TV being turned on and then a drink poured.
"Goodninght Cameron!" she yelled out at him.
A long beat.
"Whatever!" the long suffering Colonel replied before stamping off along the corridor and pressing the button for the elevator.
A minute later and Vala stuck her head quickly out of her quarters, just in time to see Mitchell enter the elevator. She grinned and shut the door again.
"He's gone," she whispered, gleefully. There was a brief moment of quiet before the drawers in her bureau began to move, apparently by themselves. Vala hurried to help, pulling the top drawer, then the second - to reveal a partially clad Daniel Jackson.
"Hello darling." Her expression softened as he clambered out and tugged her close up against himself. "I love what you're wearing," she added.
"Thanks." Daniel looked down at the tiny, cerise pink, hand towel which was wrapped around his waist and barely covered his essentials. He kissed the end of her nose. "You managed to dress yourself pretty quick!"
Vala grinned, snuggling closer up against her beloved. "Experience," she whispered. "There's nothing underneath though!" Proving a point she kicked the boots off of her sock-less feet, and went to lift up the black T-shirt.
"Oh no!" Daniel pulled her hands back down. "I'm going to stop you right there."
Vala pouted, mouth a little sulky, but her soul mate was chuckling softly.
"Wait and see what I still have," he told her, before whipping out the little gadget which had caused all of their problems in the first place.
"Oh!" Vala perked right up immediately. "Fancy that!"
One twist and they were back where they started, both standing face to face and gloriously, outrageously naked.
"I could get used to this," Daniel murmured, as he leaned in for a long, leisurely kiss.
"Me too." Vala cuddled up closely, head against his chest, eyes crinkling as she smiled. A giggle escaped. "We really had better put the Zat back before Mitchell checks up though!"
The End!...or is it?
Well - all of those 'obstructions' must end up somewhere, right?! ;-)