Games

I hated it when he played with my mind like that. I saw him glancing over at me, but I refused to look back again. I had already looked at him once, and I'm positive he noticed me. It had been so long since I had seen that face, and I wanted it back so badly, but it's no longer mine. I felt like he had no intentions on trying to win me back. I looked at the ground before turning back to Aria. She noticed that I was looking at him before, and she knew that I wanted to go talk to him right now. She put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

She tried to give me a comforting smile. "I know it hurts, Spence. Do you want to go talk to him right now? I'll come with you if you want," she whispered softly, to ensure that he wouldn't hear us talking. I gave her a weak smile. Was that what I wanted?

I shook my head, "I can't talk to him after all that we've been through."

Aria bit her lip. I knew she was going to make me get through this. "You can't avoid your problems forever. I know it's been a few months since you've spoken to him, and things are probably rocky for you guys... You've been through a lot, and I understand. Just don't run away from him. I'm sure he wants to talk about this just as much as you do."

I wanted to run home and crawl into bed and cry all night! My mouth was dry, I didn't know what to say. She was right... Avoiding my problems is a horrible idea. But I didn't want any problems! I wanted to be free from all of this crap in my way. Life was good before the death of Ali. Well, not exactly, but still... Around that time, before I started getting involved with Ian, Melissa, Garrett, Jason, and all those people around Rosewood; that's the time when things were going great. I was doing great in my AP classes, and everybody was friendly.

Now my grades are dropping, and my life is crumbling. It hurts to leave someone you love. I wish I never broke his heart. But I had to. What other choice did I have? It was either end things with him or have the both of us get hurt. Yes, this emotionally hurt both of us, but I mean physically.

"Will you come with me?" I pleaded. "I don't know if I can face him alone. What if he hates me now? I was such a jerk to him before he left town with Jenna. I don't know if I'm ready for this, Aria. Should I go for it?"

Aria smiled, "Of course you should. I'll come there to support you. How can he hate you if he loved you before?"

Feelings change, doesn't she know? Yes, those stupid feelings have taken over my life! That and -A. The two worst things on this planet. Imagine giving up everything you love. It really sucks.

I sheepishly was walking, my heart racing. I could hear my heart beating faster and faster as I got closer to him. Aria's hand was still resting on my shoulder, and it comforted me a little, but not enough to overcome this fear. He noticed me. I saw the cold glare in his eyes. Those deep blue eyes, deeper than ever... Those were the mesmerizing eyes! I missed them so much, and I wanted the smile on his face back. All I saw right now was anger and hate in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to saw me in half right now... Does he really hate me that much?

I felt my palms heating up. Fear was overcoming my body. The tension was building up. I was getting closer to him. The anger was growing in his eyes.

I stopped.

Aria gave me a light tap. She narrowed her eyebrows and whispered, "Spence, why'd you stop? Keep going, you're almost there. He noticed you, so don't leave him hanging right now. You're just making him angrier! I know he wants to talk to you. He can't resist."

That made me want to continue. How could I let him get angrier? He was already super mad at me, and I wasn't going to sit there and let it build up. I know I had to overcome the fear that was overcoming my body, if that makes any sense to you. Basically, I had to go up to him and just talk this out. What comforted me was that Aria was by my side right now. It helped to know she was here supporting me.

What was he going to say the moment I walked up to him? That. That right there...

That would be the scariest moment in time. What if it froze and kept replaying in my head if something went wrong? I don't want to have that clip of him screaming at me and telling me to "get lost!" in my head! I hate knowing he's mad at me.

What shocked me was that it wasn't me that started the conversation. It was him.

As I got closer, he knew I was going to want to talk to him. He decided to just start this early. As I progressed towards him, he said, "Spencer," and then paused for a moment, "it's been awhile, hasn't it?"

I nodded slowly. Where was this going?

"Do you want to play anymore games with my mind?" He snapped. I could see he was eagerly trying to start a fight with me. "It's all fun and games with you, isn't it? Yeah, it's all fun and games until somebody loses the game and gets their heart broken. Looks like I'm a sore loser of your games, doesn't it?"

Games? Did he really think that everything I did was just a stupid little 'game'? I really loved him... And I feel like I'm still attracted to him. How could I get over him after that awful incident because of -A? It wasn't like I wanted to play a game with him and crush him at it. Now he thinks I'm just a liar that led him on. Is that all he'll ever think of me? A stupid liar that led him on?

"You need to talk," Aria said, "so just do it."

He smirked, "I'm talking. I asked her a question, too."

I could feel my legs trembling as his words coldly dropped out of his mouth. He was aiming his mouth like a gun, shooting each word at me, and it hit me like a bullet, causing pain to my body. I wanted to just see his happy face again, like the day we first kissed. I hated seeing this cold guy, it hurt me inside. I opened my mouth to respond to him, but what was I supposed to say? I was just standing there, thinking of something to say that wouldn't sound dumb.

I bit my lip and said, "You're going to shut me out again?"

He smirked at me again. "You think I'm shutting you out? That's what you were doing to me throughout our whole relationship. Man, am I glad that I dodged your bullet. You were a waste of time. You shut me out, and you expected me to trust you anyways. I'm glad we're over. We weren't meant to be together. Maybe we could've been happy together if you didn't shut me out."

I knew I had to say something. I couldn't stand here and take this. "Look, I know you're mad, but... Do you have to be that guy that doesn't let anybody in? Are you going to be icy cold to me for the rest of our lives? Are we not friends at all anymore? I had my reasons to do what I did, and if I could tell you, I would. But there's so much you don't know, and never will know! It can't be said this quickly. If you're not going to wait for me, I understand. You deserve someone better than me. Someone you can actually trust, and someone that lets you in all the time. I've always been forced to shut you out. I had reasons, just know that. Aria, before I start crying... Can we please get the hell out of here?"

I was seriously about to break down into tears. He was being so cold to me! He told me he dodged a bullet being with me. He told me we're not meant to be together. He told me that our relationship was a waste of time. Did he mean it the way it felt? That's how he said it, of course he meant it...

Aria bit her lip. She gave him a look of anger before turning back to me. At least I have a good friend at my side. She's really helping me. I would've been crying if I didn't have her shoulder to lean on right now. Thank god for her!

"Spencer," He tried to stop me.

"Walk faster." I urged.

I couldn't turn back to look him in his cold eyes again. I knew he wanted to keep talking this out. But I'm not going to stand there and talk to him after he told me that everything we had was a waste of time! I only shut him out for his own good. I basically just saved his life and kept him from dying!

"You were strong to do that," Aria told me when we got back to her place, "you did good, Spence."

Now that I was home, I was ready to fall into my box of hurt emotions. All I was feeling was sadness right now. "This is terrible... I was really hoping it would go better than that. After months of being separated from him, and thinking about him everyday- he breaks my heart and tells me that we were a waste of time? He told me he doesn't love me, and didn't like our relationship... Aria..."

"Don't think about that jerk," Aria tried to comfort me, and I'm glad she was trying hard, "he's the real waste of time. He shouldn't have said that to you. That was so rude of him. Can't he learn to talk things out like a real man? If he really loves you, he'll come back. There's hope for you two."

"You don't understand; I still love him, but he doesn't love me!" I cried. "There's no hope for us! He doesn't want us to be together anymore!"

"That's not true," She said, "you don't know what he's feeling inside, Spence. He's just as hurt as you, maybe more. He was probably wounded from when you dumped him. Maybe he's still healing, and his wound is bigger than yours. It might take longer. But if he'll let that wound to heal, he'll come back to you and apologize for all those rude things he said to you today. Now, I'm gonna call the rest of the girls over. You hang tight, Spence,"

I nodded.