Disclaimer: Are Owen and Cristina married already? You see, I'm not Shonda Rimes and so I don't own any of this. Sadly.
Spoiler Warning: I wrote this after watching episode 6x19 so there might be slight spoiler. Also this clearly refers to the episodes of season 1 and 2 that show Cristina pregnant with Burke's baby.
A/N: I had promised myself not to write a fic like this. Really, I had. But it just overcame me. Because I don't want Owen and Cristina to break up. Never. And definitely not because of Teddy Altman. So: Great mass of fluff ahead that will make your teeth rot!
Déjà vu
"Cristina?", came Owen's worried voice from behind the door of her bathroom. "Are you okay?".
The petite brunette wiped her mouth angrily, standing up from her position in front of the toilet and flushed it. She washed her hands, rinsed her mouth, opened the door and came face to face with said concerned male.
"Of course, I'm okay", she answered, waving her hands dismissively and pushing past him to help herself to some coffee.
"This is the third morning in a row that you get up and have to race to the toilet so you won't puke on me. Clearly, you're not okay".
"Oh, please", she scuffed, avoiding to look into his eyes by glancing into her mug filled with hot, brown liquid. "I only feel sick in the mornings. It came like that and it will go away just like that". Her eyes wandered around the kitchen, going everywhere but to Owen's face. They finally landed on a jar of marmalade that Callie must have left open. Feeling that this was exactly what she needed right now, she grabbed it and poured a spoonful of it into her cup.
"What the -", Owen watched her disbelievingly, his eyes wary and clearly helpless. "I just think that you should maybe take a little rest". He walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders gently. "How about a little vacation just for the two of us?".
Cristina shook his hands off and laughed mockingly. "Take a little time off from work?", she asked incredulous. "You've got to be kidding me. How come you've been in Iraq and are still more of a girl than I am?".
Owen winced and Cristina immediately regretted her words as she saw the hurt in his clear, green eyes.
"Owen, I - ", she started but he had already turned around and walked to the door.
"Forget it. It's your body", he said, shutting the door louder than necessary.
Cristina stood there, still staring longingly at the door when she noticed something wet on her cheek.
What the - ? Was she crying?
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The day had been unusually uneventful up until now with little to no interesting surgeries for Dr. Cristina Yang. That left her with a lot of tasks that required time but no brain. That left her with a lot of time to think about some uncomfortable things. Really, she would kill for any surgery right now.
As much as she hated to admit it, she knew that Owen had been right. Something was wrong with her. She just didn't know what it was and her pride as a doctor didn't let her go to anyone else. So what could she do?
"Ouch!", cried the man whose head wound she was sewing right now. "Don't you think you could be a little more gentle?".
Honestly, she already had the right answer on the tip of her tongue but remembering Teddy's lessons on patient's communication made her hesitate.
"I'm sorry", she said then, mentally congratulating herself for this diplomatic answer. But she regretted it immediately.
"You look like you have a lot on your mind. A penny for your thoughts", said the patient, waggling his bushy, black eyebrows suggestively. Again she had the right answer on the tip of her tongue and, oh, this time she would say it – but a bored nurse interrupted her.
"Dr. Bailey asked me to tell you that you'll have to stay in the ambulance and help out. Looks like the flu is going around the hospital".
Cristina groaned. Why was everyone so weak? She also came to work even though she was sick, so why couldn't everyone else?The last time the flu had been going around the hospital had been the same and she had -
She nearly fainted when it hit her.
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"So, Owen, how do you feel today?", asked Dr. Wyatt, her notebook on her lap and her pen ready to start scribbling on it.
"I haven't slept for three days", he answered and his voice betrayed how very tired he was.
"So that's why you started our therapy again". Dr. Wyatt was curious and Owen hated to talk about his feelings with anyone but Cristina, but he knew that this was the only thing that would help. Help him and the woman he loved wholeheartedly.
"I was triggered again and got very angry because of some … burned sausages", he ruffled his hair, regretting that evening, no, that whole day, deeply. "Cristina told me that she didn't want to be afraid of me. So I'm here".
"Will she be joining us today?", she asked.
"I – I don't think so", stuttered Owen. "I was a bit sensitive this morning and she's been very moody lately. No, I don't think she'll be joining us today".
Dr. Wyatt nodded. "Then please, tell me about your recent nightmare".
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Owen had just closed his mouth when the door burst open and a panting, flushed Cristina appeared in the doorway. Owen's eyes went wide.
"I'm sorry I'm late, Dr. Wyatt. Would it be alright for me to join you?", she asked, a desperate edge in her voice.
"Of course, Cristina. Please sit down", Dr. Wyatt gestured for the couch next to Owen. He followed her with his eyes, not really believing that she was there and not having expected that at all.
"How are you feeling? Still sick?", he asked, gazing into her eyes and trying to see what was wrong with her. But she averted her gaze and blocked again.
"I have something to tell you about that when we're home", she said defensively, not wanting to have that conversation so soon and definitely not in front of his shrink. "But not here. Not now".
Owen just looked at her helplessly. "When have we stopped talking to each other?", he asked flatly. "Here I am, exposing all of myself, all of my feelings, all of my love for you", he pleaded, giving her this look that was reserved for Cristina alone and usually led to some making-out, "and all that you give me back is emptiness. Do you even have feelings?".
"Owen, I don't think you should -", Dr. Wyatt tried to interrupt him but he ignored her.
"Why can't you give me anything back?", he asked, his voice a shout now.
Cristina winced and her eyes filled with tears. "Because it was positive!", she cried, jumping to her feet. "Because it was positive", she sobbed and ran for the door, closing it shut behind her.
Owen looked at Dr. Wyatt, his anger forgotten as concern took over his face. "What was positive?".
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Life really was ironic sometimes. The situation she was in felt so very familiar that she would have laughed out loud because of how funny it was. Except that it just wasn't.
Even the toilet that she had fled to was exactly the same that she had used for the tests in her first year at the Seattle Grace.
And again she was sitting on the white, porcelain bowl and watched the display that indicated that she was in fact pregnant. With Owen Hunt's baby.
She hiccuped, sobbing harder than ever.
A knock sounded on the door. "Cristina, I know you're in there and I know you're crying. Cristina Yang is crying. I also know that you hate happy, married me but I promise to become your twisted sister again. So please, open the door, will you?".
"Go away, Mer. I don't need to talk to you. Go back to your Post-It husband", she murmured, only loud enough for Meredith to hear it on the other side of the door.
"I'm your person, Cristina. Your don't have to lie to me, have you forgotten that already?", said Meredith exasperated, her hands helplessly clasped around the door handle.
Cristina looked up. She was right. Meredith was her person. The one she wrote on that paper in that clinic where she had wanted to abort Burke's - . She let out a wail. She didn't want to have children. Owen and she weren't ready. There was his stress-disorder, her insensitivity, the whole Teddy-drama … She started to hyperventilate.
"Cristina?", Meredith asked, alarmed from her best friend's irregular breathing pattern. "Cristina! Alright, breathe normally. Calm down. In. Out. In. Out", she instructed.
And it worked. She closed her eyes and listened to Meredith's soothing voice. Her breathing slowly returned to normal.
"I'm scared, Mer", she whispered.
"Cristina, you're not yourself. So you have two options now. I'll count to 3 and if you haven't unlocked the door until then, I'll go down to the pit, march up to Owen Hunt and drag him to beg for forgiveness in front of this door", threatened Meredith and Cristina knew that she was serious.
"1 - ", Meredith started but with a loud click the key turned in the hole in front of her. She smirked. Finally.
She slowly pushed the door open and took a careful look inside. Cristina had slid down one of the walls, knees up to her chest and head in her hands. Meredith sat down next to her and embraced her gently.
"Shhh", she whispered into her ear, rocking her back and forth. "It'll all be okay".
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Dr. Owen Hunt rushed through the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital trying to find his girlfriend. He had already tried to page her and even asked Teddy to do the same but she hadn't responded to either of them. Where was she? What was she doing that was so important that she would miss a surgery for it? She, Cristina Yang?
He hastily opened the door to the On-Call-Room they used most of the time only to find it empty. Damn it, he thought, I totally screwed up.
What worried him the most was not Cristina's disappearance alone but the fact that Meredith had obviously followed her. He had heard about Burke and more importantly about what they did when the wedding was broken off. They had just gone away.
And he didn't want her to be gone. Just then his pager went off.
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Her sobs had mostly died down by now but her shoulders still shook slightly and she still held her face in her hands. She hadn't spoken a single word to Meredith yet.
But Cristina didn't have to tell her. Meredith had already suspected this – she had this strange sense of déjà vu – and when she found the positive pregnancy test on the floor, her suspicions had been confirmed.
"So you're pregnant", Meredith stated the obvious. "I already paged Owen to come here. You have to tell him. Now".
Cristina looked up alarmed. "You paged Owen? To come here? I'm not ready! I don't know if I want to keep the baby, I don't know if Owen wants children, if he even loves me. I don't know - ".
A knock on the door interrupted her.
"Cristina?", came Owen's worried voice. Again from the other side of a bathroom door.
Meredith stood up, stretching a bit. "Don't mess up" she told her best friend, not wanting her to ruin her chance at happiness. Meredith and Cristina exchanged a look that told Cristina everything that she needed to know. Meredith would always support her.
She opened the door, Cristina still sitting on the floor. Owen stood there, panting from all the stairs he had rushed up. "And you, don't mess up either", she warned him before closing the door behind her and leaving the two of them alone in the tiny bathroom.
"Cristina, what is – Are you crying?", Owen asked when he saw her red eyes and wet cheeks. He had never seen her cry for real – sure a little water in her eyes now and then but no real tears.
She didn't answer and just gazed sadly into his eyes. He didn't really love her, she was sure he didn't but as soon as he knew about the baby he would stay with her. Because he was too much of an honourable man to leave a woman with his baby alone. Not because he loved her more than he loved Teddy. But she had to tell him. He had a right to know.
Owen crouched down in front of her. "Just tell me what's wrong, Cristina. Talk to me, please".
And really – he asked for it.
She wordlessly held up the pregnancy test, showing him the display. She looked away. She couldn't deals with looking at him while she destroyed his chance at happiness. Feeling him go stiff next to her she whispered, "I'm sorry".
A few moments passed without either of them moving in which Cristina prepared herself for the shock, the sadness and the yelling that was bound to come.
Instead Owen hugged her. Hard. "You're sorry?", he whispered into her neck, his voice hoarse from the emotions it held. "Do you know how happy I am? I'm going to be a father".
Cristina was too stunned to hug him back. He was actually happy? She didn't know if that made everything easier or harder.
"I'm going to be a father", he repeated as if he couldn't believe it. He pulled back slightly and touched her chin so that she would look at him. "But why are you crying? Aren't you happy?".
She still couldn't speak. She hadn't counted on this reaction – hell, she hadn't counted on any of this. Were had the good old times gone when she would have just scheduled an abortion and be done with it?
"You don't want this baby", he said, remembering their last conversation in the OR. "You don't want children at all. Of course you're not happy".
The heartbreak in his eyes made her finally come out of his stupor. "Th – that's not it", she hurried to say, desperately to make the pain in his eyes disappear. "I know I said that I didn't want children, but now that it happened I never thought about aborting it. Not again". She closed her eyes, feeling that loss from a long time ago.
"Again?", asked Owen dangerously calm and Cristina nearly groaned out loud. She couldn't believe that she had to tell him everything that she had never wanted to talk about. But she would. Because she loved him.
"I was pregnant with Burke's baby, didn't tell him, wanted to abort it but came too late and lost one of my fallopian tubes". She kept her eyes closed, couldn't look into his eyes, couldn't face the disappointment Owen was sure to feel.
"I'm sorry. That must have been horrible for you", he said gently, slowly stroking her hair.
She opened her eyes, surprised by his lack of disappointment and pity. He just felt her loss with her. Looking into his eyes, she searched for something, anything that would make her decision easier. She didn't find anything.
"It's okay", she smiled a little sad smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I wasn't ready to be a mother then and I don't know if I'm ready now but I'll try. If I can perform the most difficult cardio-surgeries then I can definitely become a good mom. Because I have to", she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the words that she feared to say, but had to say. Her chest ached just from thinking about it.
"But you don't have to, Owen", she said, looking at him firmly and speaking fast because she knew that she wouldn't go through with it otherwise. "I don't want you to feel responsible for any of this. We are a couple, yes, but we had problems for a while now and I understand if you don't want to burden yourself with a child". A single tear slid down her moist cheek. "I am aware that Teddy is the better option". Her tears blurred her vision and they just wouldn't stop. She cursed her emotions and hormones for showing her weakness.
"You still don't believe that I love you", he said, suddenly angry. "How can you still doubt it when I have told you so very often that I do?". He shook his head, his anger becoming sadness. "Is this your way of pushing me away? Trading me for Teddy? Telling me that you don't want me to care for you and the baby? Do you still love me?".
She looked at him, shocked by his lack of trust and by the realisation of her lack of trust.
She didn't know who started it, didn't know who made the first step but suddenly they were kissing. Hungrily, desperately and filled with love. It was rough at first but soon turned gentle. They finally parted, panting for much needed oxygen. Owen still held her face in his hands and leaned his forehead against hers gazing into her eyes tenderly.
"I love you", she whispered.
"I love you, too. Teddy doesn't matter. Only you matter. And our baby now", he responded, smiling happily.
They stood up, joined hands and left the tiny bathroom together. Left all the misery behind. And Cristina realized that even though it had felt like the worst déjà vu in the beginning, she had moved on. Moved on with Owen. And, she thought smirking, Meredith would hate happy, pregnant her.
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Thanks for reading this. I can't believe I wrote a corny pregnancy fic. Still, a little review? Please?