Mad World

Prologue

Synopsis –– Lily Evans has everything a girl could ask for, but she's about to lose the most important thing in her life. It's going to take a boy she can barely stand, with a special gift to keep her from losing even more – herself.

Disclaimer – ahh if only…if only

The sun was beginning to set and a slight chill was in the air. Lily stared determinedly ahead, only vaguely aware of the people around her. As though it were on mute, she could see the people streaming past her. She saw, rather than heard, a woman two tables over tilt back her head and laugh. She saw a little boy with shocking blond hair escape his nanny's grasp. It felt like a dream, or worse, a nightmare. Petunia was sitting next to her, crying softly. Lily reached out and mechanically rubbed her back. Her father was clutching his glass of wine, looking at his daughters with an odd look on his face. Was it helplessness? Or maybe anger? Or maybe both? Lily didn't know, and she wasn't much sure that she cared.

The palms swayed in the breeze and Lily shivered despite the warmth. There was something sinister about this beautiful day, in this beautiful place. She glanced back at their beautiful five star hotel, around the restaurant where they were seated outside on the beach, at her untouched lobster. It lay dead, still, and wholly recognizable on her plate. For a moment she thought she might be sick.

"Lily!" her father said, rather forcibly.

Lily's head shot up in surprise and met his eyes. She squirmed in her chair, desperately wanting nothing more than to run from the table like that little boy on the beach, except she didn't think she'd be smiling quite as brightly.

"Did you hear what I said? Your mother is sick."

"I understand." Lily said stiffly and sipped her water. For the first time in her life, she envied Petunia. Her little sister had never been her favorite person, but watching her crying like that, Lily would have given anything to trade places. She couldn't help but think that it must be so freeing to just cry. But no such relief would come to her.

They finished dinner in silence and went back their rooms. The room she shared with Petunia was large and bright with two queen beds, aqua bed spreads and a stunning ocean view. Lily had barely put the key in the door when Petunia burst past her and flopped onto her bed, sobbing violently. Lily ran a hand through her thick auburn hair and sighed. She felt so much older than sixteen. She sat gingerly next to her sister and began to rub her back. At thirteen Petunia was awkward and difficult but she was still very much a little girl. A little girl in a lot of pain.

"Pet, it's going to be okay. You'll see." Lily whispered, brushing her light brown hair out of her sister's hot, flushed face.

"Lily, don't be stu-stu-stupid." She wailed. "It's lung cancer. Dad said they couldn't do any-anything about it."

"You never know. People beat cancer all the time." Lily wished she could believe it. She wished Petunia could believe it. She wished…well anything at that moment but this.

There had been a time when Lily's wishes always came true, just because she had wished them. When she was five she had wished desperately for a pony and one had simply appeared. At seven she had wished for a teacher to stop yelling at her and, as if by magic, he had lost his voice. And then when she was eleven she had cried herself to sleep hopelessly wondering why she had to be so different from everyone else. Then a letter, arriving by way of a very rotund man in a cloak named Horace Slughorn, had explained everything, she was a witch. But Lily's time for dream-come-trues had passed and she had never felt more helpless or alone.

"She didn't even tell us herself. She could have at least come with us here." Petunia whimpered, her intolerably bright pillow now completely soaked. Their father was a self made millionaire and he worked incredibly long hours, so every year he took the girls on a two week long holiday, just the three of them. This year it was the Bahamas.

"I'm sure she had her reasons, Pet." Lily said but, she, who had always adored her mother, doubted her. Lily was beginning to feel like maybe her Gryffindor courage had skipped a generation.

Petunia rolled over and looked at Lily pleadingly, with a hope in her eyes that was moremore unbearable than any amount of tears. She knew what Petunia was going to ask, and it broke her heart.

"But you, you can fix this. You're a witch." She looked over at Lily's wand expectantly, as though waiting for it to jump up, swish around a pit and be done with it all.

Lily shook her head sadly, her throat constricting painfully. If only… "Petunia," she said gently taking her sister chin and leading away from the wand. "Look at me. Some things can't be fixed, not even with magic. If I could…"

Petunia began to cry again in earnest. "Leave me alone." She cried. "I hate you! You can turn a clock into a whistle but you can't do anything real. You're just a stupid freak. I hate you! I hate you! I hate –" But her last word was obscured entirely by her sobs.

Lily got up silently and walked onto the balcony. The stars had just come out and the moon was beginning to rise. She glanced at her wand as it lay on her bed and kicked the railing in frustration. She had never agreed with Petunia more.

A/N – This story is based on my own experience with my mother's cancer. I really wanted to write something that shows that no matter how strong, and how brave you are, sometimes you really just can't make it on your own. I'm going to try to keep this as true to the human condition as possible because I think there's something really beautiful about humanity's ability to love even though every part of you screams not to. Next chapter, off to Hogwarts. Please review it doesn't take long and feedback really helps me make this a better story for everyone. I've already finished chapter 1 and it's a pretty good length soooo thanks again.

CHAPTER 1 WILL BE DEDICATED TO THE FIRST REVIEWER!