Inspired by the latest Alice in Wonderland movie, here is a little piece I thought up randomly! It is strange, but hey, it's hilarious anyways!
This is set during Harry's fifth year, after Harry, Fred, and George are kicked off the Quidditch team and Umbridge becomes Headmistress. Blah. I loathe Umbridge!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Alice in Wonderland.
Snape the Butterfly
Severus Snape billowed through the halls of Hogwarts, looking menacing and irritable. Fred and George Weasley did not like that. The black and batty look just didn't fit the greasy git's sparkling personality!
After asking Harry if they could borrow his Invisibility Cloak, Fred and George had scoured Hogwarts, searching for their beloved Potions Master. And now they had found him.
"Hey George!" Fred muttered to his twin, grinning ear to ear. "What do you say we give Professor Snape a makeover?"
"I was thinking the exact same thing, Fred!" George replied. Pulling out his wand, George twirled it between his hands, pondering what they should do. "Something blue will work..."
"Yeah, and he needs wings!"
"So an insect?"
"Definitely! This shall be interesting." Not too far ahead, Snape sneezed, not hearing a single word Fred and George said.
Fred carefully aimed his wand at a point between Snape's shoulder blades. "Papillon verta!" The spell jetted from Fred wand. Snape twisted, wand in hand, but it was too late; the spell hit its target.
The transformation was quite hilarious to Fred and George, though Snape clearly was livid. Snape began shrinking, turning blue and growing antennas. Once the transformation was complete, Fred and George was overcome with mirthful guffaws.
Severus Snape had become a butterfly.
"Weasleys!" the butterfly barked, though it wasn't nearly as scary when the man yelling at you was a beautiful blue butterfly! Fred and George snickered some more, thinking the exact same thing. "Five hundred points from Gryffindor! Change me back now or it'll be even more!"
George sighed. "Blimey, how is he still talking?"
Fred shrugged. "No idea, George." George just grinned again and conjured a glass jar.
Snape was not amused. "Weasleys! Fine then, six hundred points!"
"Can it, Snape," George said as he encased Snape in the jar. Snape's words were slightly muffled, but still audible. "Come on, Fred, let's go show ickle Ronnie, Ginny, and our fellow Gryffindors what we found!"
To say Snape was enraged would be the understatement of the millennium. He fluttered furiously in his jar, hollering at Fred and George. "I will sue your intestines as potion ingredients! I will use the Unforgivables on you! Weasleys, let me out! NOW!"
But the twins just kept walking and laughing, thinking of the possibilities.
The Gryffindor Common Room was crowded tonight. Hermione was knitting a misshapen hat, chatting amiably with Ginny; Harry and Ron were playing a game of Wizard's Chess; Neville was attempting to coax Trevor out from underneath a footstool; various students were lined up to buy Skiving Snackboxes from Lee Jordan. All was peaceful. And that's when Fred and George Weasley entered, holding a small glass jar.
Harry glanced up at the twins, returned to his game, then did a double take. "Is that a butterfly?"
The twins both beamed. "It's not just any butterfly. Take a look!"
Wary, Harry stood up and approached the jar, Hermione following in his footsteps. They both peered into the jar. Sure enough, it was a glittering blue butterfly with black markings. It looked quite ordinary to Harry, but Hermione took an intake of breath, astonished and horrified. "Harry, look at it closely!"
So Harry examined the butterfly. It seemed like a ordinary butterfly to him, except for the black marking that distinctively reminded him of-"
"Snape!" Harry exclaimed. The entire Common Room heard him.
Harry didn't know whether to laugh gleefully at this revenge, or to pity the poor Potions Professor. Hilarity won out, and Harry doubled over with giggles. Then guilt began creeping through his mind, and he halted. Even Snape didn't deserve to be a butterfly.
Ron and Ginny both walked over and marveled at the new Snape. "I think its fitting!" Ron said.
Ginny shook her head. "No, he'd be better as a pink unicorn. It's still suiting, though."
"Please kill me now..." Snape sneered. "I'm being gawked at by Gryffindors."
"He can still talk?" Ron said in disbelief.
Hermione was the only one not amused. "You hexed a teacher!"
"Thank you, Granger," Snape snarled. Chaos take these imbecilic children!
"Relax, Hermione!" said Fred. "It's just a little experiment!"
"Besides," said George. "we don't care about punishment anymore. The sooner we leave school, the better."
"Agreed, George! Quidditch was the only reason we came back for this year, and now that it's gone..."
"You'll be expelled!"
"That's the point, Hermione!" said Fred. He set Snape's jar down on a table.
Neville blinked at the jar, in shock that his former worst fear was now a butterfly. Harry stepped away from the group, and several other students encircled Fred, George, and Hermione. Hermione was being quite...vexing. "I'll report to McGonagall!" she threatened.
Fred and George rolled their eyes. Meanwhile, Ron rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I wonder what would happen if we made Snape smoke hookah?"
Ginny snorted. "Let's see!" she reached for the jar- and grasped air. Snape was gone, and so was Harry.
Harry ducked into a secret passageway, intent on hiding from Filch and the Inquisitorial Squad. Holding Snape's jar in one hand and his wand in another, he sprinted to McGonagall's office, still holding in chuckles.
"Potter!" said Snape from his jar. "Stop moving your hand so much! I do not need a concussion!"
Harry groaned. Was he mad? Why did he decide to help Snape? He must've taken one too many Bludgers to the head. either that, or he was still sorry about the Pensieve incident. Still, some wounds may never heal. "Sorry, sir," he said, putting some malice into that last syllable.
Snape did not speak again, clearly not daring to push his luck. Smart Slytherin, Harry thought, as he knocked on the door to McGonagall's office.
"Potter!" Snape hissed. He fluttered towards the lid of the jar. "Do not go to McGonagall!"
"She's going to find out anyways," Harry replied as a voice said, "Come in."
Harry headed inside. From her desk, McGonagall glanced up at Harry in bamboozlement. "Mister Potter, what are you doing here?"
Harry sucked in breath. Where to start? Well, he might as well state the facts. "Professor Snape has been transfigured into a butterfly."
McGonagall blinked. Then, after a minute or so, said, "Excuse me?"
Harry held up Snape's jar. "Some students," he began, not wanting to say names, "transfigured Snape into a butterfly. Then they brought him back to the Common Room."
"I don't believe it!" said McGonagall.
"Minerva," Snape moaned, startling McGonagall. "If you tell anyone about this-"
"The students will end up telling the entire school anyways," said McGonagall, dismissing Snape. "Set him down on the desk, Mister Potter. i do believe I can fix this, though I cannot save his dignity."
Grateful, Harry set Snape's jar on the desk before leaving the office. Once outside, he burst into laughter.
Days after the incident, Snape Apparated to the latest hiding place of Lord Voldemort, still ticked. Gryffindor had no more points to be taken from them, so Snape could only give Fred and George Weasley detention for the rest of the year. Two days later, though, they had escaped from Hogwarts on their brooms, never to return. Snape would never be avenged! Life truly was cruel.
Once inside the room full of Death Eaters, he bowed to Voldemort, detesting every minute of his groveling. Voldemort nodded. "Welcome, Severus. Now Bellatrix is the only one missing."
Murmuring broke out among the Death Eaters. Bellatrix was never late! Voldemort was her obsession. Heck, she licked the ground he walked upon! How disgusting. Where could she possibly be? Perhaps she had died?
But they were wrong. In strode Bellatrix...and then everyone burst into uproarious laughter. In walked Bellatrix, with a humongous head, a chalk white face, and heart-shaped tomato red hair. "I AM THE RED QUEEN!" she exclaimed.
What did you guys think of it? Especially the ending? This was incredibly fun to write. I got to torture my favorite character, what fun! Even so, this was totally worth my time and I hope you all agree!