summary: Matt and Mello are living in a small house with 4 other roommates. When Matt discovers Mello's 'deepest' secret, what will happen? MxM mattmello shonen-ai

warnings: real name spoilers, self harm, eating disorders, thoughts of suicide

disclaimer: me no own death note. Got that?

Chapter one : criss-crossed and scabbed.

I looked at myself in the mirror and growled. I'm not me anymore! I don't know how anyone can even stand to look at me, I'm so fucking ugly. This awful dark scar that goes down the side of my face, I wouldn't recognize me if I wasn't me.

I look away from my reflection and lock the bathroom door, don't want anyone seeing this. I open the medicine cabinet and take out a little cup that holds a pair of sharp scissors, a toothbrush, and (my favorite) a little razor blade.

I pick up the scissors and chop at my hair, haphazardly getting my bangs back to a see-through-able length, then put the scissors back.

Next I take the toothbrush. I sit on the floor and flip the brush around, I lean over the toilet and stick the toothbrush handle down my throat. Soon, all the chocolate I ate that day was gone from my system. (Oh come on, how else do you think I stay this skinny?)

I stand, flush the toilet, wash off the brush in the sink, and put it back in the cup.

Finally, I take out the razor. I swear, I'm such an emo cliche it isn't even funny. I smile at the little piece of metal him my hand, then catch a glimpse of my grotesque face in the mirror and the smile drops. Again I sit on the floor and pull up the leg of my baggy black jeans. (Haven't worn these in ages). I sigh and look at my pale skin, all criss-crossed and scabbed. A few more couldn't hurt. I take the blade and make slashes, 17 of them, semi-deep and 2 inches long each. I always make sure they're two inches long, don't know why.

And now I sit, tired and somewhat happy, holding the blade and blood trickling down my leg.

"Mello? You in there?" Matt asks, banging on the door. My gaze snaps up. "I'm coming in if you don't answer!"

I try to say something, I try to move, to clean the blood, to hide the cuts, but im to scared to do anything.

I stare with wide eyes as Matt unlocks the door and walks in.

So what do you think? REVIEWS PLEASE! They inspire me. The rest of the chapters will be much longer.