Moo With Me
Mark happens to walk in on Maureen working on her latest protest. Pre-RENT, implied Mark/Maureen.
"No, no, NO!" Maureen cried, crumpling up her fifteenth piece of paper in the last forty minutes and throwing it at the wastebasket across the table. Unfortunately, none of the pieces of paper ever their final destination; she was never very good at sports.
"Want more animal crackers?" Mark came out from the other end of the loft, for he knew better than to distract Maureen when she was working. Normally she worked on her proposed protests in the library, but she was kicked out for being too loud. That's Maureen for ya, Mark thought, bringing more of her beloved animal crackers.
"Thanks Pookie!" Maureen exclaimed, giving Mark a swift kiss for his noble deed.
"Random question, uh, why do you like animal crackers so much?" Mark asked, still blushing. Displays of affection, public (as Maureen was so fond of) or private, still made him uncomfortable.
"Well, they don't mind if you bite their heads off," Maureen stated. "Take this for example: Mark, you're a four eyed loser with an ugly scarf."
"Hey!" Mark retorted, sliding his glasses up the bridge of his nose- not exactly the best move after being insulted for wearing them.
"Exactly, just kidding- love you Pookie!" Maureen smiled and blew a kiss. Mark even blushed at abstract displays of affection. She grabbed an elephant cracker from the little box. "Now watch what happens when I insult this elephant here."
Maureen adopted a deep tone and said, "Hi. I'm Mr. Elephant- don't mind my enormously large ass and my disproportionate trunk." She returned to her normal slightly raspy voice, "And now I would say, 'Hey Mr. Elephant, I am. Were you dropped on your head as a baby?' and Mr. Elephant would say, 'Hey!' and then I would do this." She quickly nipped off the top of the animal cracker's head. "See Pookie? His head's off, and he isn't complaining!"
"That's because he has no head."
"Well, yeah! He doesn't mind!" Maureen finished before eating the rest of the elephant. "Try it!"
"Um, ok," Mark stammered, reaching into the box of crackers. He pulled out a pale white cracker and examined it up close. "I think this is a tiger. Tiger, you're stripes aren't an equal distance apart!"
"Just like that scarf," Maureen responded with a purr that sounded more like a sex kitten and less like a tiger. As Mark bit into it, she made random dying screeches until it was gone.
"That was fun," Mark admitted.
"My turn again!" Maureen squealed, diving into the box and pulling out a cow. "Hey you heifer! If you wanna look good this bikini season, I suggest you start moooooo… THAT'S IT!"
"What's it?"
"Mark, moo with me."
"Um, moo?"
"YES! MOO! And with the cow… the cow jumped over the moon… like that rhyme! You know, 'Hey Diddle Diddle?'! But the cow can't jump over the moon, because people aren't letting her do her thing… and what she does is make milk! She can't make milk because everyone likes fake stuff nowadays like… diet soda! Ugh, Diet Coke is so nasty."
"Um, Maureen? Where are you going with-."
"And then the dog that laughed was really a bull dog… NAMED BENNY! That's bull… like bulldog, bullshit… OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECT! Mark, can you hand me that pen?" Mark surrendered the writing implement and slowly backed away from Maureen and her conscious stream, leaving the animal crackers that started it all behind.
He never looked at animal crackers the same way again.
A/n: Whoo! This came to me one night, and I just went with it. Reviews, as always, are loved. Thanks for reading!