Disclaimer: everything belongs to Yana Toboso. Inspired by Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and Letting Ana Go edited by Beatrice Sparks, as well as personal events.

Trigger warning: Deals with eating disorders, including binging and purging.

Note: Kinda Ciel-centric. I don't know, I can relate to him more.

Flesh

Prologue

"You won't do it" a 13-year-old Claude Faustus jibed, elbowing Sebastian in the rib as he eyed his target. Ciel Phantomhive wasn't much to look at. More like something to laugh at if you asked them.

They called him Piggy Phantomhive behind his back, and to his face when they were feeling particularly cruel. Cursed with his 'baby fat' well into sixth grade, he often sat alone, not daring to speak to anyone lest they decided once more to launch an attack of harsh, scathing comments and physical assaults. It never worked.

"Twenty bucks says I will!" A fortune to an eight-grader, and just enough to give Sebastian the push he needed. It was simple: date Piggy for a week and make an easy twenty dollars. Easy for pretty, popular Sebastian Michaelis.

"You're on. One week."

"Fine!"

"Well? What are you waiting for? Go ask him?" Claude shoved his friend from his seat, toward the lonely corner of the lunch room where the unsuspecting boy sat.

Sebastian swallowed his nerves, silencing the part of his brain that screamed at him that this was too much, this was going to go too far, as he approached Ciel, the younger male seeming to bury himself into his lunch.

"Hey..." Sebastian said casually, noting how the chubby boy flinched before he met his eye.

"W-what do you want?" Ciel asked, his voice timid. He knew Sebastian Michaelis, everyone did. Handsome, popular, athletic, he could be spending his time with anyone his little heart desired, and he was here, with not-so-little-Ciel.

For a moment, Sebastian froze. The guilt gnawed at him, but it was now or never, and he had plans for that twenty bucks. Claude's stupid face when he had to hand it over gave him the final push he needed, and he plastered on a winning smile.

"You know, I think you're pretty cute." he replied, sitting down next to the younger boy.

Ciel blushed beet red, his hands shaking and his throat tightening. He thought he was cute? A little butter ball like him? It couldn't be happening, he had to have tripped and bumped his head and fell into a coma or something. "Do you want to go out with me?"

Ciel froze, and time ticked by. "Well?" Sebastian urged, a delicate raven brow arched as a playful smirk graced his lips. How could the younger boy possibly resist?

Nervously, Ciel nodded, mumbling a quick okay before hiding his face in his lunch. Sebastian let out a chuckle before pecking the boy on his rounded cheek. "Good. You'll be my boyfriend, okay?"

"O-okay..." Ciel replied shyly, his face burning as his brain tried to process what had just happened.

It had been the longest week of Sebastian's life. Ciel clung to him like a lifeline, appearing next to him as he went from class to the next, seemingly out of nowhere. Claude had joked that the younger boy must leave class five minutes early just to make sure he was there to meet Sebastian when the next bell rang. He never even spoke, just stood there or walked with him with his head down and his cheeks glaring red, stumbling over his words whenever the older boy spoke to him.

At first Sebastian had wondered if there was something wrong with him, and he had asked once, only to be answered with a long line of stammering that finally ended with 'nothing, I'm fine.' He didn't have time for it, and his only saving grace was when he was finally released to get on his bus to go home. This was what he deserved, he supposed. It was no question, really, why Ciel acted the way he did, and Sebastian was only taking advantage of that. He could only be grateful that Friday was fast approaching, and he could finally be rid of Piggy once and for all.

"Um, so my mum was wondering if you'd want to come over for dinner...I mean, if you aren't doing anything else." Ciel couldn't meet his eyes, instead looking down at his worn tennis shoes. Sebastian could think of a million other things he would rather be doing than hanging out with the lumpy little parasite, but they all flew from his mind the moment those big blue eyes finally looked up into his. One dinner couldn't hurt, right?

"Uh, sure..." he replied with reluctance, turning away from the oceanic stare.

It was at 7 that night that his mom had dropped him off with no parting words aside from "call me when you're ready" before taking off down the street. Ciel's house was nondescript at best, a cookie-cutter design of the other houses in the suburban neighborhood, surrounded by lush bushes and lined with mums and gerbera daisies. Sebastian heaved a sigh, steeling his nerves before timidly knocking on the burgundy painted door. Maybe if he knocked quietly enough, no one would answer and he could just walk home, and the whole thing could be Ciel's fault.

"Oh, hi! You must be Ciel's friend." No such luck. The door swung open and Ciel's mother (Sebastian assumed, though it could have easily been his older sister) beamed down at him with those same damn sapphire eyes. She had an elegant face with high cheekbones and strawberry blonde hair tied up in one of those 'mom' updo's his own mother wore. She was dressed casually, in a plain white top and dark denim capris, and it helped Sebastian relax. At least Ciel didn't come from one of those up-tight families that wore evening gowns and tuxedos to dinner. "Come in, come in."She chirped politely, ushering him into the house.

"Thank you for having me, Mrs. Phantomhive." Sebastian said cordially. The woman giggled, her cheeks flushing pink as though he paid her some sort of compliment. Did this family not talk to other people or something?

"Well, aren't you sweet, but you can call me Rachel. Ciel is upstairs in his room, you two can play up there until dinner's ready."

The boy paid her one last smile before taking to the stairs. He didn't think to ask which room belonged to his supposed 'boyfriend', but it wasn't hard to spot the door with numerous stickers littering its surface. He only knocked once before entering.

"Ciel? I'm coming in-" Sebastian stopped short, his breath catching in his throat. He knew he should turn around, politely apologize and close the door behind him, but he couldn't.

Ciel had been in the middle of changing, halfway through pulling a dark blue t-shirt over his head. For all of their joking, the other boy's body wasn't as bad as Sebastian had thought. He was wide in the hips, a small amount of flesh spilling over the waistband of the boxers that peeked over the top of light blue jeans. It tapered up into a slightly slimmer waist, giving him an almost feminine curve to his body. Sebastian blamed the raging hormones of adolescence, but his finger twitched to grasp those hips and hold on tight.

A small gasp snapped him out of his trance, and he snapped out of it in time to see a crimson blush paint Ciel's rounded face as he, once again, stared down at his shoes.

"S-sorry, I didn't hear you knock. Um, you can sit down if you want." the younger boy murmured, gesturing to his perfectly made bed. Sebastian wordlessly moved to sit, but his eyes stayed stuck on Ciel as he visibly floundered for something more to say.

"Um, dinner should be ready soon, if you want-"

"Come here." Sebastian interrupted. Ciel stammered, but Sebastian merely commanded again, "Come here." His tone left no room for debate, and, now silenced, Ciel moved closer to Sebastian's spot on the bed. To his utter mortification, the older boy grasped him by his plush hips as he stood, pulling his body in close. Ciel's face was on fire, not use to such close and intimate proximity to another.

"You're so...soft..." Sebastian whispered, almost inaudibly. Sapphire eyes shot up to meet his. Ciel was hurt, to say the least, until he saw the look in Sebastian's face, the softness, the borderline fascination at the fact that Ciel wasn't skin and bones. Ciel, for once, felt like the pretty girl in the movies that was finally noticed by the cool jock, and he reveled in it. The chill up his spine, the heat in his cheeks, all the signs that his next move would be the right one. Slowly, ever so slowly, he eased in, silently cheering when Sebastian didn't pull away. Their lips were so close, so close to meeting in that long awaited moment of bliss.

"Boys! Dinner's ready!" Rachel's voice blared from the bottom of the stairway, shattering Ciel's perfect moment. Sebastian pulled away as though he were burned, eyes blinking wearily as he snapped out of the apparent trance he had fallen in. Was he really about to kiss Piggy Phantomhive, of all people? What about his standards? His pride? He could do so much better, and yet, here he was, close to making out with laughing stock of the school? The older boy silently thanked Ciel's mother, his saving grace from what could have been his most embarrassing moment. The moment he got home, he would call the first cute girl he could think of and hopefully wipe his memory of this whole night.

Dinner had gone better than he expected. The Phantomhives seemed nice enough, and Rachel was a wiz in the kitchen, whipping up a succulent pot roast with mixed vegetables and biscuits that Sebastian had loved. Vincent, Ciel's father, didn't say much, but Sebastian thought nothing of it. Conversation had been easy, and Sebastian quickly forgot about the would-be unpleasantness that would have been 'the kiss', even with Ciel making goo-goo eyes at him from across the table.

He thought nothing would change the next day, that everything would go as it had been, people staring at him as he held hands with Ciel through the crowded hallway of the school but otherwise staying silent. However, that was all before Claude managed to corner him at his locker between classes, leaning casually against the green-painted steel. He could tell by the look in his eyes that Claude was feeling particularly cruel, and that he wouldn't like the conversation that was about to take place.

"So, I heard you made out with your boyfriend last night." The words slipped from Claude's mouth in a crude whisper and Sebastian felt his whole body lock up. His blood froze in his veins and his heart screeched to a halt before beating in overdrive. Who told him? It was supposed to be a secret, dammit! No one was supposed to know! Sebastian saw red as Ciel sidled up behind Claude, blissfully unaware, with a smile stretched across his chubby face. He latched onto Sebastian's arm, cuddling up to his chest and ignored the stares of the students around them.

"Are you coming over again tonight?" he asked, his cheeks flushed pink but his deep blue eyes bright with excitement. It was short-lived, however, as Sebastian snatched his arm away, recoiling when Ciel made another grab for him.

"Let go of me! What the hell are you telling people?" he shouted. He ignored the other students, who stopped to stare at the volatile scene unfolding in the hall.

Ciel stammered, his heart hammering in his chest. Had he done something wrong?

"W-what do you mean? I didn't-"

"Are you telling people I made out with you?"

"What? No, I wouldn't!"

"I heard him tell someone that you almost put it in." Claude sneered, add fuel to the fire that was Sebastian's anger. The older boy couldn't think straight, the whole situation was spiraling out of control as he saw more than a few students starting to whisper behind their hands, undoubtedly about him.

"I did not! Sebastian, he's lying!" Ciel pleaded, trying once more to take a hold of the older boy's hand.

"I said let go!" Sebastian shouted. Something inside him snapped, and, without thinking, his arms lashed out before him, shoving Ciel to the hard linoleum floor. "As if I would touch a fucking pig like you!" He spat, ignoring the sharp pang in his heart when tears visibly sprang to those big blue eyes. He had taken it too far, he knew, but he couldn't find it in him to care. He could hear the younger boy calling out to him, begging him to wait, to let him explain, as he stormed of to his next class. 'Whatever, let him fucking beg.' Sebastian thought cruelly. It was the least he could do after spreading those filthy lies around school.

A day went by, then two, then three, and no one had heard from Ciel. Once more, the hushed whispers of outrageous and less-than-true rumors fluttered throughout the halls of the school, that Ciel had barricaded himself in his bedroom, had moved far away, had died of embarrassment, and that it was all Sebastian's fault. Accusatory glares were sent his way, and fewer and fewer students seemed to want anything to do with him after he had so cruelly humiliated the poor boy in front of God and everyone.

"I don't get it, no one even gave a shit before then!" Sebastian whined in the confines of his bedroom, reclined against a battered old bean bag chair as he battled against Claude in the latest fighting game (bought, in part, with his gainfully earned twenty dollars).

"Yeah, well, you were kinda harsh. I've never seen you get that mad before." the other boy replied.

"Well, you heard the shit he was saying about me!"

Claude paused the game, much to Sebastian's confusion, before sitting up and shyly rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, about that...I never said he was the one who told me..." Sebastian sat, dumbfounded, for a moment.

"Then who the hell told you?" He asked quietly, silently deciding that he would like to hear a proper explanation before beating the living shit out of his friend.

"Well, no one told me exactly..."

"What the hell, then why would you even say some shit like that!"

"I didn't think you'd get that mad!" Claude said in his defense, his face as stoic as always, as though it made complete and total sense to make up such a crass and bold-faced lie. "Besides, isn't that what you do when you go to your boyfriend's house?"

"He wasn't really my boyfriend, you ass! And I just went for dinner! God, now because of you everyone thinks I'm some kind of damn bully! You know I almost got benched for that crap?"

"Hey, I didn't tell you to go off on him and push him down, you did that on your own."

The boy heaved a sigh. As much as he hated to admit it, his friend was right. He had acted like an ass that day, not even giving Ciel a chance to explain, and now it was coming back to haunt him in spades. He only hoped that, the next day, he would see Ciel, sitting in his normal spot in the corner of the lunch room so he could march over and apologize, not only for his rash behavior, but for the whole cruel prank.

Except, Ciel never came back.

A/N: I swore I was not going to bed until I finished this. I know, Sebastian is a little butthole in this, but I promise he get's better. Come say hi to me at roxxicet dot tumblr dot com