Parody brought to you by Bicycle Repair Man
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Typical, while the Captain and chief science officer are doing all the actual work, the three red-shirts are playing poker. Then again, I might too, if I knew I was bound to die first. Once Spock has finished phasering off a specimen of some rockfor the lab to analyze -I thought they just tricordered it, anyway, why do they need to analyze it more? - Kirk smells a peculiar scent, "like honey," that he has smelled once before. So, knowing that this smell was attached to an exceedingly deadly gaseous cloud, he sends out the poker-playing red-shirts to investigate. After all, they only count as people if their shirts are a different color, if they have more stripes on their sleeves, or if they are the Captain's love interest.
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Right, so while the mysterious gaseous cloud is receding from behind the rock, the three unsuspecting red-shirts go out to look for what their beloved captain is afraid of. They swing around the perimeter, scanning and aware that they are in danger. Kirk ignores the fact that they have an ever-urgent rendezvous in space. Back at the ranch, the reds are still scanning and freaking each other out with ghost stories.
"Look, there's something over there! Haha, got you!"
"No, wait, over there!" the gaseous cloud, (which is now pink) envelops two of the reds, cackling evilly and the third calls Kirk for help.
"I gave you orders to shoot on sight for a reason, moron! Fire at the damn thing already!"
"Ack, cloud..."
Ten minutes later, Kirk and Spock have finally found the dead reds.
The Captain looks grim. "They are dead, and you will find every red corpuscle gone from their bodies!"
DOOM!
"Wait Captain, this one is still alive!"
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The blond nurse with the bouffant hairdo (yes dears, Nurse Chapel) swings around the medlab, handing out information chips. Scotty calls up the lab, where Kirk and the good Doctor are having a 'private meeting'.
"Just a reminder Captain, the ever-present medical emergency supplies are depending on us, the only starship that could possibly deliver them to the rendezvous."
"Yes, I know, Mister Scott, thank you."
"Damn, Jim, why do they have to call them 'rendezvous' anyway? It's such a pain to spell out in your reports. I'm a doctor, not a school teacher."
Spock interrupts this cute moment with more bad news. "Spock again Captain, those medical supplies are badly needed. We must make this rendezvous."
"Yeah yeah, I get it all ready. Bones, wake up the last remaining red-shirt, I want to talk to him."
"Jim, I can't do any medical research, I might get my new uniform dirty, and it so perfectly matches the color of my eyes. Nurse, you wake up the patient."
The red-shirt, now dressed in blue, (that's the color you wear when the dead one's you), despite not having half the amount of blood he should, is still coherent enough to gasp a few appropriate words to the Captain.
"Did you see anything, man? Were you attacked by a sweet-smelling fog?"
"Objection your honor, leading the witness."
"Ah, shaddup."
"Yessir, I saw...gasp I heard..."
"And then what, come on, don't die on me yet!"
"I heard...voices..."
"Yes, yes, go on!"
"They said... 'We're squatters, baby'... it was... terrible..urk"
"Dammit Jim, what have I told you about killing off my patients!"
To be continued...
Extra points to anyone who spots the Bogmen lyrics in here... -Allytp