The Rather Vague Diary of Severus Snape in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Day 1-

Some kid almost killed the Dark Lord today. He managed to crawl to my house, and when I first opened the door, I thought that this might have been some practical joke that James and Sirius played on me, but then I remembered, James had been killed, and Sirius was in Azkaban. I mean, seriously, he looked like a blob of purplish goop in robes. Any way, he's staying at my house until he regains power. He says it will be kind of like a slumber party (except there's only one guest, who never leaves). Oh, well.

10 Years later

Day 2

Sorry I haven't written in a while. Lots of things have come up since the Potter boy lived the Killing Curse. Hear Potter's going to Hogwarts this year. Cool. Hope he's in Slytherin. He could be a very powerful ally to the Dark Si-oh, crappers, is that Dumbledore? No, no sir, I said erm…Muffin Shoppe! Yeah, he could be a powerful ally to the muffin Shoppe. Anyways, Mum called today, asked how Voldermort is doing…blah, blah, blah. All that motherly kind of stuff. I told her that we were fine. Voldermort just went into the Dark Forest a couple days ago, to get some unicorn blood.

Day 3-

Potter was chosen into Gryffindor. Stupid hat, doesn't know what he's doing. Oh well, I got Malfoy's son, Drake, something or another. He's just as mean and arrogant as his father. That's why he's my favorite. We start classes tomorrow. Frikkin Quirrell got the Dark Arts job, not me (again). Oh, well.-Sigh- I've got to rest up for classes tomorrow, I'm gonna annoy the Heck out of the first years, especially that Potter boy.

Day 4-

First classes today, already got five or six kids to hate me, including Potter. I also got that buck-toothed Harmonica girl to almost rip her robes, she was raising her hand so high. Heeheehee, I am very, very evil. Muahahahahahaha-hiccup- gotta work on that.

Day 5-

Voldermort moved out today, thank heavens. He was getting really annoying. Go figure, after 10 years. He said he had better things to do, like, live off Quirrell, get the Sorcerer's Stone, destroy Potter, that sort of thing. Whatever. As long as he doesn't run up my phone bill any longer.

Day 6-

Haven't had time to write very much lately. Too busy with classes. We had the first Quidditch match today. Frikkin Gryffindor won. Oh well, we'll make up for it. Quirrell tried to curse Potter. Go him. I think this must have been one of those jerk-your-broom-around-and-then-make-you-puke-up-the-Golden-Snitch-so-you-win-the-game kind of curse, because that's exactly what happened. Go figure.

Day7-

Today was James' birthday. I didn't do anything special, of course. I met a new girl today. She's got blond hair, blue eyes, and a great body. Go figure, she's in her first year. It's part of this new student/teacher buddy thing. All she does is send me pictures of herself with her family, and write me little notes, while I have to go out and be nice to her!I mean, that is so unfair! It destroys my whole image! I'd better practice this whole nicety thing. I guess I'll start with you, diary. I had the most horrible day. But enough about me, lets talk about you. Is anything new happening in your life? How's Cheryl and Timmy and little Susie? Good? That's great! Ugh, this whole thing is making me gag. Oh, my goodness! Its 3:30! Gosh, I didn't know it was that late! Talk to you later, diary.

Day 8-

Busy. Be back later.

-Later-

Summer Break starting today. I packed my bags and left for home. Now I'm home. Bored as heck. Dying of boredom. Must write random things to keep from dying. Of boredom.

OK. Here goes.- dkjv sjidlfhivghjidl'afjoidsmfjp'osjfc9idcfois;hngghudgtuhfoiyficodshjmidhfihdoihdigfhighdigyvoidghoighvoifnhvgfnhg ijoivfnhjgivyghj givnj goinuvgidvoigiunvoifgnuvoigdumgivvujmgmigoigvuoimguoiugvuiuvfiugnoiugoiduiosgjkjfighlkjgihgkhjgidhgjnkrjgoifdjiiuvcmvgopkllllllllllllllllllllllll;;;;;;;;;;;;lfpgioriytruyitryiurnioijmoigjm oiervmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmimmmmrvvvvvvvvvvvvvvimrvimrvimirvmimrvimrvimrimrvoeo,ecoeco,ecpwxp.wxp.wxpwxqqqzqqkopjitkljirghirehvntihvntoiumtvoiritrmoituoire'gjgjpejabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Wow. That felt good. I'm tired now. I'll talk to you next year, diary. Bye.