"Hey Ianto" Owen called out, "We have an infestation on the lower levels again."
Ianto straightened up and frowned, wondering what he was talking about, then walking down to see for himself.
He got to the lower stacks and looked around, unable to see any problem.
Maybe he meant the berth.
The boats were gently swaying, bobbing as the water lapped against the internal pier, Ianto walking the length of it to look down at their little feathery friends swimming about, quaking happily, then turned and walked to the cell block.
Janet looked up from picking at a tile and leered, gaining a banana and a kiss through the glass that made her huff.
He stood staring into space as he tried to work out what he was talking about.
Then he moved for his Archive desk, his own personal sanctuary from the world when he needed quiet time.
Maybe he needed to check the CCTV.
Infestation alright.
Balloons.
At least sixty bright orange balloons were filling the private office space and Ianto stood glowering as he knew Owen had chortled when reading over his un-doctored medical report, which Tosh had finally pulled up from the T1 servers.
Prick knew he hated fucking balloons and their loud pop.
As a child they had reduced him to tears.
He canted his head and considered the revenge that might make up for the half hour of work ahead of him with those uncomfortable earmuffs to help lessen the blow.
.
.
.
.
Revenge of the Office Boy
.
.
.
.
"Ah, Owen" Ianto smiled as he straightened up from checking the tire pressure of the SUV, "You're late."
"Nah, I'm early by Greenland's clock T-Boy" he snarked as he slipped past.
"Oh by the way" Ianto called out as Owen hesitated at the entrance to the elevators, "That infestation was out of control. Be careful down there!"
Owen laughed as he stepped into the elevator, shaking his head.
He entered the hub to find a pale faced Gwen blinking as she went over a report Jack was waving at her, Tosh giggling uncontrollably.
What the fuck was their problem?
He was watching them as he walked around to his workstation and went to flick his bag into there, then he froze.
Rats.
Hundreds of fucking rats.
He hates rats.
Owen squeaked and started back pedaling, then frowned.
Fucking T-boy!
Right!
Owen dropped the bag and straightened his back, laughing loudly like he didn't care as he strode up to the workstation and reached out to brush the squeaky toys off.
"Good one T-Boy" he called out to the man hovering at the entrance to the hub, "Almost got me."
Ianto's slowly forming smile should have warned him really ….
The soft, warm body was a surprise, as was the angry squeak as he picked up the nearest rat.
Owen squealed with fright.
He stood frozen with horror as the workstation erupted with rodents as they spewed from it like water, no longer frozen in place.
"FUCK!" Owen screamed, flinging the rat from his hand as he jumped and danced, screaming as they poured past down the steps to Ianto, who knelt and scooped them into a containment box.
"Thank you Owen" he smiled softly, "Only thing that gets them to move once they've swarmed is a good, high pitched noise"
"You bastard!" Owen roared, "You fucking, god damned bastard!"
Ianto raised an eyebrow and wandered past, then stopped and looked directly at Owen.
"Are you keeping the one in your cup?"
Owen looked at the desk and his beloved Star Wars cup, the rat peeking over the top was blinking it's horrible fucking red eye balls and he did the only thing he could as Ianto calmly opened the box again.
He screamed.