"Dammit dammit dammit" Meredith muttered, shuffling papers around on the desk, not finding what she was looking for. After a few more seconds, she gave up and scooped up the pile and shoved it into her bag. There wasn't a lot of time, and she wasn't going to waste it shuffling through papers like an idiot. Glancing at the clock, Meredith quickly did the math on her fingers. 20 minutes. He would be home in 20 minutes, if he was left work right on time. Factoring in that he couldn't drive the speed limit to save his life, it was probably closer to 10 minutes.

Shaking, Meredith forced herself out of the chair. She needed to use those 10 minutes to do a last sweep around the house. Looking around the office, Meredith tried to remember if there was anything in here she needed. Thinking of nothing, she moved towards the door but was stopped by a picture on the wall. Despite knowing she didn't have time to waste, Meredith couldn't move. Reaching forward, she touched the side of the frame, as if maybe the small touch could propel her back in time to this happy moment.

Standing on her toes, Meredith looked around the sea of people. The square hats and blue gowns were proving to make locating someone significantly more difficult.

"How's my college graduate?" Meredith turned around and saw the person she had been looking for.

"Tired. No one tells you how boring graduation is! Can't they just mail me my diploma and a letter saying congrats?"

Derek chuckled and moved to pull her into a hug. But her square cap made itself a problem as it collided with his jaw. Letting out a low moan he pushed Meredith away to nurse his damaged face.

"Shit sorry!" Meredith leaned forward to try and comfort him but he swatted her hands away.

"Mer it's fine, you're just taller than I'm used to" He said chuckling and gesturing to her wedges. Meredith followed his gaze to her feet, then back up to him. She gave him a shrug and weak smile.

"Come on now, it's a special day. Can you not be a clumsy mess for like five minutes?" Mark bellowed, coming up behind the couple. Meredith turned around and in a swift motion grabbed the cap from her head and swatted Mark in the arm. He feigned hurt while she adjusted the hat back on her head.

"Can you not be an ass?"

"Well that's just unpleasant. I came all the way out here and sat through that horrid ceremony for you, and this is how I'm treated? I think you need to be taught a lesson." Before Meredith could protest, Mark bent down and wrapped his arms around her waist and hoisted her over his shoulder. Meredith shrieked, causing families around them to stare.

"Mark! Put me down!" She insisted while smacking his back. Even though she couldn't see his face, Meredith knew Mark was thoroughly enjoying this.

"Ok, ok, put her down Mark. One wrong move and she'll be flashing all the nice people around us." Derek laughed while Meredith's hand instinctively went to her backside, trying to prevent that from happening.

"Whatever you say man." Before either party could say anything, Mark flipped Meredith back over his shoulder, right into Derek's arms. Derek, unprepared for the sudden added weight, stumbled back before adjusting to his new center of gravity. Meredith had one hand on her cap, trying to stop it from falling off.

"Hey there." Derek looked down at the girl in his arms.

"Hey." She smiled, enjoying her new view.

"Ok now hold it lovebirds, I just created the best picture you will have this day." Meredith and Derek rolled their eyes and moved towards each other for a kiss, ignoring the flash going off in the background.

Brushing tears from her face, Meredith moved away from the graduation picture and out of the office. She never thought this would be easy, but didn't expect it to hurt this much either.

Meredith moved quickly through the hallway, forcing herself to not stop and look at all the pictures lining the walls. The hallway led into the foyer, where she dropped her bag at the door and turned to run upstairs. She moved quickly through the spare room and bathroom before ending up at the master suite. Taking a deep breath, Meredith forced herself over the threshold and into the room. The room was a light shade of blue, with a gray comforter. The rest of the room matched, with various artifacts on the walls and dresser. This was the most painful room, and she instantly regretted coming up here at all.

Trying to ignore the memories she opened all the dresser drawers, and when finding nothing, slammed them all shut. Meredith quickly scanned the closet and almost left until something caught her eye on the top shelf. An old shoe box with duct tape on the sides. Standing on her tip toes Meredith reached up and grabbed the box down. Peeling the duct tape off, she took the lid off, trying to remember what she had put in it. This didn't look like something he would have done, she thought. Realizing what it was, she placed a hand on her mouth to stop herself from crying out. The box was filled to the top with ripped notebook papers. She started grabbing them and reading.

I know you told me no, but I think I will find a way to convince you to go out with me. You could really love me if you got to know me.

You looked gorgeous in class today. I couldn't help but peak through the window while walking through the Chemistry Building. I will pick you up at 3:00pm after you're done with your lab.

Make this biochem test your bitch Mer! I know I prepared you well. See you soon

She stopped reading when she heard a car pull into the driveway. She quickly shoved the notes back into the box and replaced the lid. She stopped for one last look in the bedroom before running downstairs and shoving the shoebox into her bag. She needed some memories. It was selfish, but that didn't make it less true.

Hearing the car door slam shut, Meredith backed away from the door and moved to sit in the living room. How does one act nonchalant? She was trying to find out when the door opened and he walked in.

"You will not believe the day I had Mer. Me and Dr. Lipson did the most amazing surgery, and he basically let me do the entire thing without help!" Derek announced, setting his bag next to the door. He noticed Meredith's small duffle in the spot where he normally put his bag and paused. "Mer? You going somewhere I should know about?" He laughed, setting it down next to the duffle and kicking off his shoes.

"Can we talk?" Those three words caused Derek to look up at her, obviously trying to figure out what they needed to discuss.

"We can always talk. Is everything ok? Why is your duffle by the door Meredith?" He asked again, more concern in his voice.

"I didn't only get into Mass Gen's intern program." Meredith looked down at her hands, knowing if she made eye contact with the man in the doorway this would all be over.

"Ok..? I know you applied other places, but once you got into Mass Gen we never really talked about them. I guess that was me being excited about working with you, but of course you got into other programs!" He walked over the couch and sat next to Meredith, placing his fingers under her chin and forcing her gaze to him. "You know I would love for you to come to Mass Gen, but I understand there are other programs. Brigham and Tufts both have great programs and are just as close. Did you think I would be mad?"

"I'm not talking about Brigham or Tufts. I, uh," She paused, looking back down at her hands. "I got into UCLA." She watched as his brows furrowed while trying to process what she had said.

"UCLA?" He whispered, hoping maybe he had misheard her.

"Yea. UCLA."

"Meredith, what are you saying right now? Why would you apply there? You didn't even tell me you were applying to west coast schools, and now you're talking like you're going there. I don't understand." He was pleading now. "Meredith look at me dammit!"

Meredith didn't move her head. She knew if she looked at the man next to her this would all fall apart. It can't fall apart right now. It can't. She counted to five in her head, told herself to buck up, and looked at him.

"I'm going to UCLA Derek." Meredith might as well have slapped him. "They have a great program and…"

"And what Mer? And what? You want to go to the beach? Get a tan? This doesn't make any damn sense. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were doing this together. All we have talked about the last 4 years is how we were going to do this together." He paused, turning his body to look at her. "You can't just spring this on me. We are a partnership. We make these decisions together. Together Meredith!"

"Doing what together? Picking out my future? It's my damn internship program and my career. You already choose yours, stop trying to control mine." Derek stood up and ran his hands through his hair. His breathing had quickened, despite him trying to stay calm. Meredith realized that her being a bitch was what was getting a rise out of him, so she decided to stick with it.

"What the fuck does that even mean Meredith? I would never force you to go somewhere or be someone! I just expected some more communication after 4 years, but I guess that has always been asking too damn much from you!"

"You're the one that told me to apply to internships near you! You went on and on about it, how is that not forcing my hand? And this-" Meredith stood up and gestured around. "This is why I didn't tell you. Because these 4 years has taught me that you can't see anything from anyone else's point of view!"

"So what? You're going to go to UCLA and we take turns flying back and forth? That we meet somewhere in the middle? Tell me Meredith, since you have it all figured out, what's the game plan? How are we going to do this long distance?" They were staring at each other now, and all Meredith could see is the anger in his eyes, and knew she was pushing just the right buttons.

"No."

"No? What do you mean no?"

"We're not going to do long distance. We're not going to do anything." His breath hitched, and the anger drained from his face, replaced by something else. She couldn't quite place what, but it wasn't anger. Holding her ground, Meredith continued to look at him.

"Meredith…" Derek started walking across the rooms towards her, but stopped when she started backing up.

"I can't do this anymore Derek. You want things from me I'm not ready to give. I thought maybe I would be ready, but I can see we are never going to be on the same page. My career is what is important to me right now, and I don't need someone holding me back."

"Holding you back?" Derek yelled, and Meredith realized this wasn't going to be as easy as she thought. "So what? You're going to go to LA and become a workaholic? How very Ellis of you."

While planning this moment, Meredith never thought to plan for him to be just as cruel back. Which looking back, was naïve. Did she just expect him to lie back and let her walk over him and out the door? Meredith was slowly realizing just how unprepared she was for this fight.

"My mother is an amazing surgeon who paved the way for women like me to be taken seriously in this field. So don't you act like comparing me to her is anything negative." Her mother was a sore spot for them both, and Meredith was slightly surprised he was throwing Ellis in her face. She was trying to walk out on him, so maybe she wasn't surprised.

"All you have ever done is complain about your mother. How she neglected you, and basically emotionally abused you! Now she's some saint? Spare me the bullshit Meredith. If you want out of this the just go, but don't look me in the eyes and pretend your mother is anything but an emotionless bitch." Meredith sucked in a breath at his harsh, but true, words. She hated defending her mother, but the hole was already dug.

"She was a horrible mother, fine. I won't have kids! I never wanted them, you just pushed your fantasies on me to the point I had no idea what to say to you! If I was honest you would try to convince me otherwise instead of listening to what I had to say. I don't want kids, I don't want to get married, and I don't want to be with you!" Meredith yelled.

Derek's eyes were wide, looking at the women he loved. They stood in silence, chests heaving, staring at each other. It took every fiber of Meredith's being to not break down, but if she didn't leave right now she might never get out. Without saying a word, she walked past Derek and towards the door, grabbing the last of her bags. Turning around, Meredith realized Derek hadn't moved since her last statement, so his back was to her. She should go. It was time to go. But her feet were rooted in the spot, staring at the back of his head. She knew this was going to be hard, but god, this hurt more than any broken bone.

Meredith reached down to grab her bag, zipping it shut and throwing it over her shoulder. A small part of her wished he would turn around and continue to fight, to break her down until she told the truth. He had to know what she said wasn't true. Right? All four years could not have fallen apart in just 10 minutes. But he didn't turn around, and it was time to go. She placed her hand on the doorknob and took a deep breath. For a brief moment, she considered staying. She considered apologizing, saying that every word that came out of her mouth was a lie. She considered running back into his arms. She considered telling him the truth. But would the truth hurt more than this moment?

It would.

After one last glance at the life she loved, Meredith turned and walked out the door.