Title: Bollocks
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Pairing/Characters: England/America
Warning(s): Making humor of the events that took place during the American Revolution. Well, Hetalia does that anyway, so. XD
Genre: Humor
"I'm going to tell you all a story about a legendary hero, ME!" said America to Sealand and Lichtenstein, sitting eagerly on the carpet as they sipped Swiss cocoa and feigned eating British biscuits. After all, England forgot to put sugar in them, and that was just wrong. It was, in fact, what prompted America to tell the animated tale of how he became an independent nation. England taxing sugar was part of it, which made no sense considering that he never used sugar in that bitter, bitter tea of his.
The sugar tax story lead to erroneous nonsense, such as George Washington knowing kung fu, and English soldiers not bathing often enough. England had to hand it to America, he knew how to tell a story. Too bad most of it wasn't true. That one about Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires was especially ridiculous, especially since America scared himself trying to tell it.
"You've filled my little sister's head with more than enough nonsense. Say goodnight, Lichtenstein." Switzerland, with a rifle in one hand and his little sisters hand in another, left. Sealand wanted to hear another story, determined to do all of that exciting stuff when he recognized as a country, but England told him to go to bed. It wasn't that Sealand wanted to obey England, but he was really sleepy, so he complied begrudgingly. This left England and America alone with a heavy silence blanketing him.
"Hmph." England grumbled.
"What?"
"Those debts had to be paid somehow."
"Yeah, but how could I have sweetened all that crappy tea if I couldn't afford sugar?"
"Hmph, those debts needed to be paid somehow, and you weren't pulling your weight," said England, bowing his head. "You just wouldn't bloody listen."
"Well, you were being unreasonable. I did my best for you.
"But that's all behind us. Besides," said America, smiling and wrapping his arms around England. "I'm a big boy now. I can take care of myself. Isn't it better this way?"
He supposed having America as a partner rather than a chore ultimately turned out for the better. Their relationship started off quite rocky, but in time they grew at peace with one another, and even grew to love each other. America was a selfish dolt and still had much growing to do, but England supposed he could deal with it, so long as America stopped passing off ridiculous high tales as history.
"I suppose, except for one thing."
America raised an eyebrow.
"George Washington was not Chuck effing Norris! He didn't roundhouse kick any Englishmen into any damned trees."
"Oh that?" said America with a laugh. "That was just for show. Gotta give the kids what they wanna hear."
England sighed.
END
A/N: Read Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. If you do America will recognize you for the hero that you are!