I wish this didn't happen. I'm so confused now I have no idea what I think or what I believe.

It all started when I tried out for lacrosse with Aidan. Orignally it was just a way to get close to McCall and Stiles.

It was a way to see what they were planning and get to them. Then I met Danny and I don't even know how I got here exactly.

Aidan got suspended because of that McCall and his human friends so I ended up alone, which was wierd because I always had Aidan around. Everyone knew we were the most powerful when we were together, maybe apart from Duechalean but we were pretty equal.

It's not like I meant for this. In fact, I didn't even like Danny much at the beginning, but he's the first person to care about me apart from my brother. Everyone just thinks we're this package deal, and well, we are, but Danny realises that I'm my own person and that makes him stand out from all the other humans.

I used to find humans weak, feeble and stupid. They didn't care about anything except school and work and stupid human emotions while I was an alpha. I am powerful, someone who people look up to and fear. Me and my brother killed our own pack to get to where we are, and this is me, falling for a human high school guy. Sometimes I feel like banging my head against

my locker out of frustration with myself. Like, seriously? Come on Ethan.

My head is a mess

And I might be falling in love with a human.

A human that will think I'm a monster.

I mean, I am. I've killed my own pack to become powerful and I'm at my strongest when I take form with my brother to form

this mega-werewolf.I've come to terms with it and I never felt very bad about it, but he's a nice guy who's good at school and lacrosse.

When we were at the motel, I swear I wanted to turn him right there and then. It was going to be the first time we slept together, before the whole suicidal thing happened. It struck me that the only way I can fully respect him if he's at least a werewolf.

We can't ever be equal, but that way he can at the very least be in the same league,not in a totally different game. There 's a risk to it, but I have to take it right?

He'd make a good werewolf I think. I'd help him with the full moon phases and he's got what it takes to make important decisions and is by no means a wimp, while he's not even close to being evil, so I don't need to worry about him trying to kill werewolves to become like me. It's hypocritical but hey, a werewolve's gotta do what he has to to get into the alphapack.

First thing though, I have to talk with Aidan.

'Aidan' I call. He's in his room.

'Yeah' He answers.'

'You know that Danny kid?' I ask, trying to keep cool. He walks to my door and stands in the doorway.

'Yeah, plays Lacrosse. Seems okay for a human. Why?' he answered.

'I've been dating him and ...I want to turn him, I think.' I murmured.

He doesn't even speak... he simply stares at me.

'Ethan. We are in the middle of a crises. Duchalean killed one of our own, we've got Derek who is most probably alive, Scott is probably training his pack as we speak, and you, wan't to turn your fling into a werewolf. Hah. Good one.' He spat.

I look down. He doesn't get it. He's always been more reserved than me. He doesn't get that we need people. Being werewolves isn't enough sometimes. We're not just the alphas or the twins. Maybe I want to be more than that. Maybe I want to be special to someone, in a good way.

'I'm tired of being the twin, of being the bad guys who will do whatever we have to as long as it suits us. Maybe for once I want to do something that makes me happy.'

'How is turning a human just so you can look at him without disgust, not a 'bad guy thing'?' he said.

I paused. He's right. God. I felt like punching him or me or Danny or everyone.

'We are not the good guys' he continued.' Good guys are weak. We did what we had to, to become better alphas. We threaten Derek to join us, because it would make us a better pack. We are fine the way we are, Ethan. Don't lose your potential by thinking you have feelings for something you don't'

'He's not a thing.' I spat.

'He's human. I know how you feel about them, because it's how I feel too. They're puny. Becoming werewolves was the best thing that's ever happened to us. You just want to have some fun, and I get that, with all the problems lately. Have your fling, but leave it at that.' he said, and he left.

I fell asleep thinking about what he had said.