Ever since Spike died in SunnyHell, Buffy, for the rest of her life will be numb. Except for a few minutes a day, when no-one will disturb her. The shower. There we see how she really feels. Song by Avril Lavigne (Slipped Away).
xoxoxoxoxo
She walked home from her daily duties and headed for her bedroom.
"Buffy!", She turned to see her little sister, Dawn, walking towards her. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine" She replied with a smile, "Just going for a shower.".
"Ok, but don't waste all the water!" Dawn smiled brightly, happily.
If only I could feel like that, Buffy thought.
But she never would.
She smiled softly at her sister and headed for her room, closed the door and got undressed.
She turned on her CD player and brought it into her soundproofed bathroom.
She turned it on and got into the shower.
And then the tears came.
Nana, na nana nana.
I miss you,
Miss you so bad.
I can't forget you.
Oh, it's so sad.
Why? She thought. Why did you leave me…
I hope you can hear me,
I remember it clearly.
The day,
You slipped away.
Was the day,
I found it won't be the same.
Oh god… You knew… You knew I wasn't ready for you to not be here… I'll never be ready for you to not be here…
Nana, na nana, nana.
I didn't get around to kiss you,
Goodbye on the hand.
I wish that I could see you again.
I know that I can't.
I guess it doesn't matter now does it? It doesn't matter how I feel… Ohhh…
I hope you can hear me,
I remember it clearly.
The day,
You slipped away.
Was the day,
I found it won't be the same.
Where are you? Are you in heaven, where you deserve to be? Or have they been cruel and sent you to hell?… I don't know… But I can't risk it…
Ohhh…
I've had my wake up,
Won't you wake up.
I keep asking why…
I can't take it,
It wasn't faking…
It happened, you passed by.
If I bring you back you might have to go through everything hat happened to me… I can't let you suffer like that… Not after all you've done…
Now you're gone,
Now you're gone.
There you go,
There you go.
Somewhere I can't bring you back.
Now you're gone,
Now you're gone.
There you go,
There you go.
Somewhere you're not coming back.
Oh god… But if I could… See you again… Hold you… Just one more time…
The day,
You slipped away.
Was the day,
I found it won't be the same.
Noo…
The day,
You slipped away. (Nararaaa)
Was the day,
I found it won't be the same. (Nararaa)
Nana, na nana nana.
I miss you.
"I miss you" She whispered.
She played that song dozens of times. Over and over. She felt the pain and anguish build up inside of her now tender and broken heart.
Then she would get up, turn off the CD player, get dressed, and go back into her world. Her hell.
She would keep all her pain inside until the time she came to shower again… 'Till shower time…
But no matter how much she wanted to go back, go back to heaven where she knew her love awaited her, she kept going.
She lived on. For him.
xoxoxoxoxo
This story was dedicated to my Granddad. He died September 2006. Rest In Peace, Granddad. We miss you.